Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Top 7

Chuck: I sit here Wednesday morning, writing a column I usually find so easy, and now so difficult. I knew there was going to be trouble when I heard the mentor this week was Mariah Carey. How could these music fledglings cover the genius that is Carey?

After the show I realized only technology, and the blithe human spirit could guide members of the AI 7 to the stratosphere. Yeah. They didn't make it for the most part.

Lorrie: I love how Ryan took the opportunity at the beginning of the show to remind America that Michael Johns was made an example of to encourage tweenie-boppers to text and phone in their votes this week. It's an unofficial rule that American Idol contestants must receive more votes than presidential candidates.

I'm with you on the whole Mariah Carey thing, Chuck. Funny how contestants get flack for picking the Mariah and Whitney songs each, yet they make it Mariah Carey week on the Idol. Can you say "set 'em up for failure?"

Chuck: My first thought on seeing the AI7 come on stage was that they were all dressed for a mandatory corporate dinner party. They wore every shade of grey in the rainbow.

My second thought on last night's show, "I wonder what Lorrie thinks of the choke collar MC has on her dog?"

Speaking of David Archuleta, he went into sYESha territory this week and took a song made by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. He was correct when he stated he wasn't worthy to sing "When You Believe." But, thank God, few are.

Lorrie: David must've sassed his (stage) dad tonight. I can hear it now: "No, Dad! I will wear those black leather pants tonight! I want to wear grown-up rock star clothes!"

Chuck: He put in the performance he has every week since his flub. I've checked the tapes of each episode, and if you look closely, each week he makes the same movements and his lips form the same words no matter what sounds we hear. David Archuleta is a robot!

When he blows a gasket and attacks Ryan Seacrest like a rabid dog, remember you read it here first.

He's not going anywhere this week. The phone system recognizes a fellow electronic being and has fallen in love with him. Half the calls for Jason Castro are being directed to David A. by the love-mad system.

By the way, David A's announcement that he ate was merely to throw you off catching him replacing circuit boards. Robot. Remember. Here first.

Now on to Carly "Don't Call Me Mariah" Smithson, singing "Without You."

Chuck: Carly peaked Week Two. Her nerves are frayed and the dress with sleeves isn't going to save her from certain elimination. Yes, after that lackluster performance of the "classic" Without You, even the "Voting for a Foreigner" fans freed by Michael Johns' departure didn't vote for her. Bottom Three performance.

Lorrie: She has the kind of maturity in her voice that can carry off a song like this, but I still found myself biting my nails during this performance because I was so worried she might F it up. She didn't suck. That's all I can say.

sYESha "The Python" Mercado- "Vanishing"

Chuck: Did anyone notice that of all the AI 7, Mariah Carey failed to hug sYESha? The AI singer gave us more vocal gymnastics than feeling with Vanishing. But, I will tell you she played to the camera better than anyone this week.

Lorrie: I'll say. I expected her jaw to become unhinged at any moment, she was opening her mouth so big.

On a side note, I get so sick of hearing her say "Oh Lawd" all the time. It was cute the first time. Now I want to snatch a fistful of her hair out when she says it.

Brooke "Glitter" White- "Hero."

Chuck: Brooke White, upset she was unable to create a lifesize cardboard cutout of herself, decided to punish America with "Hero." Paula liked it. At least I think that was what she was showing by rocking like a child who needs to pee and can't get the teacher's attention.

Brooke again gets the Miss Congeniality award as she thanks the judges for every comment, and personally writes a thank-you note to each audience member who clapped after her song.

Lorrie: I think Brooke was channeling Mariah's movie that bombed when she chose her outfit tonight. Let's hope the song is better than Glitter was.

I liked this version. I think she made it distinct to her voice. I love how often she sings with just her piano accompanying her. Oh, I had to type it. As soon as I said that, she missed a note on her piano and it tripped her up a bit with her singing.

Kristy Lee "Sorry Lorrie, I'm Still Here" Cook- "Forever."

Chuck: Kristy Lee Cook sang Forever, and, wait for it, keep waiting, wait just a bit more, it seemed like her song took forever to finish. (Saw that coming didn't you?) I was more impressed by the glitter she put in the corners of her eyes to make it appear she was crying.

This morning I can't remember her performance. Even so, that's better than the bad performance Carly gave us.

Lorrie: She looked like she was wearing a Barbie wig tonight. Those low notes barely registered. When I hear this song, I think this must be what 1950s proms must've sounded like.

Here we go again with Paula- "uh-eh-ih-oh-uh-uh-uh..." Please! Shut! Up!

David Cook- "Always Be My Baby"

Chuck: David Cook proved he was the smartest singer on the show by making "Always Be My Baby" his own. Pretty and haunting it was easily the best performance of the night. He'll get teen girl votes after he cried like an emo cutting onions in August.

Lorrie: That. Was funny.

Chuck: Randy gave David C. a standing ovation. That lost the AI singer 100 votes right there.

Lorrie: David has a real talent at taking the most bubblegum song in the world and giving it an edgy, grunge sound. This definitely did not suck. It reminded me of a Goo Goo Dolls song for a movie soundtrack.

I think if there was an award for the contestant who makes the songs their own the best, David would win it.

Jason Castro- "I Don't Want to Cry."

Chuck: Finally, Jason Castro's Caribbean take on "I Don't Want to Cry" provided a nice follow-up to David "I'll Cry for Votes" Cook. The song had, surprise, a nice laid back feel. Not the best of the night, but certainly above the women and robots of the show.

Lorrie: I like the different sound of this song. He did a lot of singing out of the side of his mouth tonight.

What?! Simon loved the song? I'm amazed.

Chuck's Top Three: David Cook, Jason Castro, and a robot to be named later.

Lorrie's Top Three: David Cook, Brooke White and....let's see....I'll go with the Robot, too.

Chuck's Bottom Three: sYESha, Brooke, and Carly. I'm again predicting that Carly goes home.

Lorrie's Bottom Three: Kristy Lee Cook, Carly Smithson and sYESha. I'm again- AGAIN- predicting that Kristy Lee goes home. Don't let me down, America.

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