Since I'm not going to get the last word, I'm going to use the first word to give you the result of every episode.
Week 1) Chikezie leaves although David Archuleta surprises everyone with his soulful rendition of “Why Don't We do it in the Road.”
Week 2) Amanda, America's favorite Janis Joplin impersonator, leaves after Simon mentions he never heard of the song “Me & Bobby McGee.”
Lorrie- That's funny. And probable.
Week 3) This time the public says no to sYESha. This surprises Randy, who asks “Dawg? What?”
Week 4) It's Kristy Lee Cook. It's a shock as pundits thought she was a lock when her manager, Brittney Spears, jumped on stage to pass on Madonna's kiss of luck. A closer look at the tape reveals “Brittney” was actually Kady Malloy hoping the impersonation would get her back in the race.
Week 5) David Hernandez goes home this week, but not before giving Simon a lap dance. (Hey, sometimes you have to go with the obvious choice.)
Week 6) Just before this week's episode airs David Cook finally gives up and shaves his head. Audiences mistake him for Chris Daughtry and send him back on the road.
Week 7) Jason Castro's fans head out before the show to pick up Pringles and Little Debbie Snack Cakes. They forget to go back home and vote.
Castro is out like a Cuban dictator. Well, more than a Cuban dictator.
Week 8) Michael Johns mentions in his interview that he would like a vegemite sandwich. Audiences realize he is actually Colin Hay in disguise. He heads back down under.
Week 9) I'll simply say Ramiele Malubay leaves this week. My beautiful and petite wife would cook liver for dinner if I made a short joke.
Humor is not worth that kind of suffering.
Week 10) Yes, the final three will be David Archuleta, Carly Smithson, and Brooke White. Who goes this week? It's White, who will respond with kind and gentle words. (What? You thought I'd do a “expletive laden tirade” joke? Too easy.)
The Finale) Archuleta? Smithson? Smithson? Archuleta? In a surprise vote, Smithson wins. This dooms her to obscurity. Archuleta picks up a Supporting Actor Oscar in 2010 for the musical biography, “Nixon!”