Thursday, January 24, 2008

A Message to Paula White

When Without Walls announced its plans to plant a church in Lakeland several years ago, I was curious. I attended the service to see what all the hype was about. I apparently filled out an information card. Now Paula White stalks me by mail and refuses to leave me alone.

Over the past several years, she has bulk mailed me numerous requests for donations. Oh sure, she tries to personalize it by addressing me by name, but I'm not fooled. For one, she still refers to me as Lorrie Delk. Apparently I failed to mail her a wedding announcement four and a half years ago.

I've never sent her organization a donation, opting instead to tithe at my church, donate regularly to a friend who is a missionary in Africa and to purchase the occasional box of Girl Scout cookies. I have nothing against Paula... I just have limited amounts of income I can donate to charity and quite frankly, I like where my money currently is going.

I've politely placed her mailings in my recycle bin through the years. Now I want them to stop. It's better for the environment if she simply quits mailing these things to me, rather than me throwing them in the recycling bin.

But Paula is persistent. I'm about to return a third letter in the postage-paid envelope included in her mailing, with my third request to be removed from her mailing list. In addition to asking for a donation, this mailing included a prayer request.

Pre-printed on the prayer request was this: "Dear Paula, please pray that God's hand will be on my life and my family in 2008! I have listed my prayer requests and goals for the coming year below. Please join me in prayer for..."

So I added this: "Paula and her staff to honor my THIRD request to be removed from her mailing list."

Paula, I'm praying to God for this to happen. I hope you'll be an obedient servant of the Lord and honor my request. It's nothing against you personally- I'm just trying to reduce some of the clutter in my life.


wj said...

Here is a much much quicker way to get off of Paula's mailing list: this way is more fun at least

Lorrie said...

WJ- This is BRILLIANT!!! Thanks so much for sharing. What a fun Web site. I hope all of my readers (Mom, Darby) will take a moment to check it out.

truewonder said...

Oh Lorrie, you are a corker! Looks like you might need that shovel to move the mountain of...Dear girl, this is hilarious. I think even Jay Leno might appreciate it...send this blog in girl!!! Thanks for the mighty good laugh, take care-

Jan Doble said...

Great post! And I loved wj's webpage link! I added a brief post about it on my blog today. Take care!

DarbySea said...

OMG! This is great and WJ is a genius! I love the two lines - "This makes me laugh maniacly, like a cartoon supervillan."

And My FAVE! (of course!)

"This saves trees. Once enough of us do this, the junk mail companies will stop sending us junk. Or at least they will be more discriminate about it. It will save trees and keep the landfills empty! Yay!"

I'm so doing this next time I get junk mail!

Kristen said...

This is soooo funny! Yet pitiful at the same time! You get props for exposing the insanity!!!!

global warning said...

Don’t worry, GOD HIMSELF knows all and HE will catch up with those evil workers of inequity! Remember Apostle Paul? But GOD IS FAIR and HE MUST give them a chance to repent first!!! THAT is why Jesus died on the cross for our sins, to give us a chance to repent! PRAY THAT THEY REPENT!!! GOD DOESN’T WANT TO LOSE EVEN ONE!!! And you can understand why………..Eternal hell is going to be awful!!! And you wouldn’t want even your WORST enemy to go there!!!! I mean it!!! Pray for these people that they turn from their wicked ways and God will heal their land………………and OURS!!! USofA!!!!