Among the Living

After three full days in the prone position, I finally am beginning to feel as though I am among the living once again. I seem to have come down with the flu, perhaps from being around a bunch of germy 5-year-olds while substituting in a kindergarten class last week. I felt bad for making four of them cry while I was their teacher for the day, but they have squarely exacted their revenge on me, so I shall feel regretful no more!

As if the typical flu isn't bad enough, I seem to have contracted a strain usually common only in children. I quickly noticed I had no control over my sneezes. I'm normally a quiet sneezer, just bursting a bit of air through my nose with relatively little noise. This flu bug turned me into a snotty-nosed sneezer with the characteristics of an oscillating fan- or a 5-year-old. If I didn't have the forsight to grab a Kleenex or cover my mouth with my hand, I was spewing spit and phlegm for 10 feet within a 180-degree radius. And covering my mouth with my hand quickly made me wish I'd done otherwise.

On the bright side, this flu bug made me lose my appetite for three days. On the down side, I don't think I dropped the desired 80 pounds I had hoped for.