I'm sick of shaving. That, combined with Ideal Image's quest to flood every form of media with advertisements about being hair free for life, recently convinced me to do something about it.
First of all, let me say that I've tried myriad hair removal methods. I've shaved everything. I've plucked in places I can barely see without the aid of a handheld mirror. I've waxed until I've brought tears to my eyes. I've used creams.
But none of these is permanent. I'm looking for a permanent end to the 5 o'clock shadow that plagues my armpits. And fellas, don't whine to me about razor burn, because my bikini line could tell you stories that would make you cry.
So with armpits and bikini line clearly targeted as the guinea pigs of my experiment, I head off to the laser hair removal center. With a friend, of course.
For crying out loud, women can't go to a public restroom alone. Do you think I could fly solo on this excursion?
The first visit is all about the free consultation to tell you about the procedure, find out which area you're looking to de-hair, etc.
When I mention bikini line, the consultant's eyes light up and out come these drawings of a woman's nether regions. She starts telling me about "The Brazilian," and I immediately think, "You're gonna shoot a laser where?!"
I sooooooooo do not think so.
Then she starts talking about "The Flare 'Do." Apparently, some women like to reflect some personality in their pubic hair these days.
Rumor has it, lately the center gets a lot of Lucky Charms requests.
If I've not drawn a clear enough picture, here's the deal: you can have all of your pubic hair removed except for a shape of your choice. You could have a heart down there, if you wanted.
I decide that even though she's a woman, I could never look my gynecologist in the eye again if I showed up with question mark-shaped pubic hair and decide the Flare 'Do is definitely a Flare Don't for me.
I glance over at my friend and I can see that although she came along for moral support, she's fidgeting with her checkbook. I think I've found a partner in crime to endure these laser treatments over the next two years.
Yep, that's right. It takes two years to become completely hair-free.
Note: Lorrie is working on a stencil of a peace sign, should she change her mind about the Flare 'Do.