Chuck: Last night's episode of American Idol proved one thing: America screwed up when they didn't vote for Carly. Given the opportunity to choose from 500 of the best rock and roll songs ever, the final four stumbled, slipped, coughed and choked.
In the opening tease Ryan Seacrest informed everyone that at some point in the competition three of the remaining four had received the most votes. I'll go out on a limb and claim sYESha is the one never to accomplish that feat.
After last night, one of the contestants may be the first in Idol history to get a negative number of votes, as people called in to ask for their previous votes back.
Never so late in the competition has the Idol audience witnessed such a horrible performance as they did last night. It's almost as though someone tanked on purpose.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it's American...Conspiracy Theory!
If you watched last night, you know exactly who I mean. And if you didn't...stay with me a minute. Let's look at the final four and their performances. First off, the robot...
• David A: Stand By Me and Love Me Tender
Come on. If anyone at this point doesn't think that poor kid is programmed, you're not watching with your eyes. We all love little lost puppies, but this is ridiculous. I challenge you to watch a tape of David singing Stand By Me with the sound off. Watch the same robot moves, the same facial expressions, as he has given in almost every performance. With the sound on you'll hear the same earnest delivery, the same vocal gymnastics as he gives every week. David A can sing one kind of song, one kind of way. With 500 songs to choose from, he performed the same one twice last night. He just changed the lyrics.
Lorrie: Chuck, say what you will about David, but I don't see him as the "Johnny One Note" you make him out to be. There are lots of singers out there who have a singular style and continue to be popular. Don't believe me? Allow me to provide examples. John Secada. Michael Bolton. Enrique Iglesias.
This boy has carved out a distinct style. There's something about the way he sings that is identifiable. I'm convinced we could hear him on the radio and right away, we'd know it was him singing.
Now...don't take this the wrong way, but if you don't stop putting down my sweet little David...I'm going to punch you in the nose.
• David C: Hungry Like the Wolf and Baba O'Riley
Chuck: Last night David Cook gave me one of my favorite moments in any Idol season ever. But first I have to ask, "Hungry Like the Wolf? WTF?"
Hearing David pace the stage singing "Do, do, do, do, do, to, do, to, do do" was cringe-worthy at best. Bruce Campbell did a better job with the song.
Lorrie: Good song- when Duran Duran does it- but I didn't hear anything particularly special in it tonight. David's "I-just-swallowed-barbed-wire" rasp in his voice didn't work with this song.
But even though this wasn't an Idol-worthy performance, I have to give David props for evoking the cheeseball comment of the night from- shocker- Paula.
"Your hungry like the wolf rendition leaves me with a big appetite."
Uh, that was my first WTF moment of the night.
Chuck: It was David C's second performance that gave me my favorite Idol moment. In his pre-performance tape he announced he was going to sing the Who's Baba O'Riley.
As the camera went to him live the audience sat in stunned silence. You could practically hear 5,000 minds thinking, "The Who's What???"
Then he sang "Out Here in the Fields" and the cool members of the audience went "Oh!!! That one!" But the majority of the audience still didn't get what song he was singing until the lyric "It's only teenage wasteland!"
That stunned silence was priceless.
Lorrie: It's a beautiful thing when, five words into this song, I had goose bumps and I knew this performance would be great. What an awesome version of a classic rock song.
And thanks again to David, for ushering in the second WTF moment of the night, again with a Paula comment:
"I'm really humbled to sit here and watch your soul."
• sYESha – Proud Mary and A Change is Gonna Come
Chuck: Each week the judges dun contestants for giving copy-cat performances. You'd get the impression it was worse than flubbing a line. Except last night when Randy and Paula ignored that sYESha had just given a poor Tina Turner impersonation. Simon called it a "bad shrieky"
impersonation. I have to agree with Simon.
Lorrie: sYESha has fallen victim to taking the judges' comments too literally. Since she has been told about how sexy she loooks and how she could be on Broadway, she has become intentional in her song selection by choosing songs that practically require some acting and choreography. Now she's looking for a dramatic flare to everything.
But let me tell you sister- if you're gonna attempt to out-Tina Tina, you had better brang it. And you didn't.
BTW y'all, I did not even have to look at the TV to know that Paula would be out of her seat on this performance. She's like the trusty bobble-head doll. Give her a little tap, and she's bobbin' and weavin' like a drunkard. Wait, I think she is a drunkard...did I just type that out loud?!
Chuck: In her follow up, sYESha went for her Fantasia "Summertime" moment. That's the point in American Idol where Paula is so overcome with emotion that she can't speak and merely stands and claps. She made it, but failed to convince Randy.
Lorrie: I like this song, and I think sYESha has a decent voice, but it just seems that when she sings soulful songs such as this, something's missing. I think it's conviction.
On another note, that girl's lipgloss was poppin' last night.
Paula's comment brought sYESha to tears. Could this show get any stranger? Don't be sad, sYESha. Her comments brings me to tears weekly.
Chuck: Any other week, that would have meant a bot for sYESha, but not when you take into account the "song stylings" of Jason Castro.
• Jason: I Shot the Sherrif and Mr. Tambourine Man
I'll start right out and claim Jason's two performances last night were two of the worst for this season of American Idol. There is only one reason he did that poorly. Jason took a dive. You could see his face as he performed the first song, "This is where I do Howdy Doody sings Bob Marley." And he nailed it.
Lorrie: Oh. My. Lord. That was a funny comment. This performance was painful to watch. First of all, could we be anymore predictable? I get it...Jason Castro...dreads...Bob Marley...dreads. Simon was spot-on when he said the only similarity was the hair.
Chuck: He took all the criticism with a smile as if he was thinking, "I'm four spots past where I should have been. I have a ton on money on my going out this week. This is where Daughtry left. Ah, hell, I just don't care dude."
Then, in his final performance, he forgot one of the easiest Bob Dylan lines to remember. I'll remind you: "In the jingle, jangle morning, I'll come following you." You could see the wheels turning, "That'll seal the deal. I am so out of here!"
Lorrie: I realize this may end our friendship, Chuck, but I hate -HATE- Mr. Tambourine Man. It's hokey and corny and for those two reasons alone, I rejoiced at the idea of Jason Castro singing this song. I wondered, "could this be his ticket home? Finally?!" And yes! My hunch was correct!
Chuck: It seems I've agreed more often than not with Simon this year. I'm going to again. When Simon told Jason to pack his bags, you could almost hear Castro think, "Mission Accomplished."
Lorrie: I think you give Jason the Burn-Out way too much credit for being that methodical in his thinking.
I predict Jason's next performance will be in his own living room. He's outta there. And sYESha, you're next, Sweetie!