Monday, July 23, 2007

If it Quacks Like a Duck, it Doesn't Mean it's a Duck

May 17, 2007

Call up the firing squad, because this is sure to make some people angry. But I've had just about enough of former Largo, Fla. City Manager Steve "Call Me Susan Ashley" Stanton and the way some members of the media have so definitively embraced his quest for femininity.

You can read about Stanton's recent trip to Washington in the May 17 edition of The Ledger. This article also explains Stanton's situation. In a nutshell, Stanton is a man who at age 48, has decided he now wants to be a woman.

Oh, if life were that simple.

Stanton "spent her day wearing a tomato red sweater tank and black slacks with a lace sash," the article stated.

He has suddenly earned the moniker she simply by putting on some make-up and wearing girl clothes.

When I was 6, I decided I wanted to be a horse. Well, guess what? A couple of hours of whinnying, eating my pony's sweet feed and walking on all fours did not make me a horse. Changing your name to Susan and wearing a tomato red tank top does not make a man a woman.

So why the sudden lovefest among some members of the media with the idea of calling Steve Stanton "she?"

I'm not here to debate the nuances of "gender reassignment" and "transgenders" in society. I won't argue that it's absurd to fire him from a job he did well, simply because he has traded in his pin-striped suits for charcoal gray skirts and patent leather pumps.

I simply don't understand how Steve Stanton wakes up on a Tuesday and he's a man, then wakes up on a Wednesday and he's a woman, and the media are referring to him as such. It's just not that easy.

My mom cooked beef heart once, smothered it in sauce and called it barbecue. One bite into that rubberized mess and my family knew it wasn't barbecue.

I can put a tutu on my dog, but that does not make him a ballerina. Slap a Harley Davidson sticker on my on my butt and dress me in chrome, but that doesn't make me a motorcycle. And I'm sorry, Steve, you can wear your tomato red tank and lace sash, but that does not make you a woman.

However, to help you in your journey, I am willing to donate my Anastasia Brow Kit to you. Every "woman" to-be deserves bangin' eyebrows.

Note: Lorrie has taped leaves to her body and is standing in a beautifully painted Italian ceramic urn. She has asked that she hereafter be referred to as a potted plant.

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