Careful! Don't Squeeze the Vicks Out from Under my Toenail!

Disclaimer (mainly to Chuck and Barry): you may rank this blog near the laser hair removal blogs on the quease-o-meter. Consider this your warning.


Getting older sucks for several reasons. Lately, my chief complaint is that I seem so much less resilient to ailments than when I was a kid. I've been battling toenail fungus (ewww!) in my right big toe for several months now.


First, you must know that it completely grosses me out to even admit this, but I'm kind of doing it in support of my friend, who recently had a procedure performed on her toe. Shortly thereafter, her five-year-old cousin stomped on said toe with Clydesdale force, and now she's lost all but a couple of millimeters of her toenail. And she's horrified over how it looks.


So to make her feel less self-conscious about her micro-nail, I'm tossing aside all pride and dignity and sharing my fungus story with the blogosphere. That's just the kind of friend I am.


Several months ago I removed some month-old nail polish from my toes and noticed that my right big toe was cloudy yellow. I immediately was disgusted, because I thought I must have toenail fungus. I even hate the word fungus, let alone actually having it under my toe. I went to the dermatologist, who said it wasn’t fungus, that there was some moisture under my toenail and it had caused the nail to pull away from the nail bed.


I wasn't sure whether to believe him. He is a doctor, but he always plays down my complaints. I come to him with "skin issues," and he tells me, "I don't deal in 'skin issues,' Lorrie. I deal in skin cancers." And he says it rather haughtily, as though my complaint of small blister-like appearances on my face- that aren't pimples- and the beginnings of age spots on the backs of my hands and these strange red spots on my skin aren't worth his time. Bastard.


Anyway, I had done some online research prior to seeing him and I found this Web site on toenail fungus remedies. I saw repeatedly that you could put Vicks vapor rub under the nail and the issue would go away. I also heard you could soak your toe in Listerine. He said either one might work.

So weeks and weeks and weeks pass by and it appeared I was making some progress with the Vicks. My toenail went from half of it being cloudy to a quarter of it being cloudy. So I got cocky and quit using the Vicks. A couple of weeks ago, I noticed the cloudiness has come back with a vengeance. And in exactly the same pattern it was before.

All these months I’ve gone sans nail polish in an effort to keep the “moisture” out, and now I’m right back to square one.

My mom swears the dermatologist was wrong. With a cloudy yellow toenail that has taken on the appearance of a Ruffles potato chip, she swears it’s that…. f-word. So I’m back to putting Vicks on it, in hope that I don’t lose my whole toenail.

Now, in the evenings when we're lying down to watch TV and my loving husband offers to put lotion on my feet after a long day of standing, I get to utter these romantic words: "Careful! Don't squeeze the Vicks out from under my toenail!"

That's hot.

Here's what I don't understand: as a kid, I barely wore shoes. I could run barefoot across a yard full of acorns and hickory nuts like one of those idiots running across hot coals and never flinch. During the rainy season, the boys in the neighborhood and I would take inner tubes and float barefooted in about two feet of milky-colored water that collected in the bottom of a nearby pit. How I never wound up with intestinal worms or other parasites is beyond me.

But now I'm grown and I don't do things like that. I keep my feet clean. I use a nail brush to clean my toenails. And now my toenail apparently is so repulsed by the nail bed on which it lies that it obviously would rather pull up shop and run away rather than spend another minute there.


I need help, people. Does anyone know of other home remedies I might try? I refuse to go the prescription drug route. I understand prescription drugs may cure the fungus, but I don't want anything to do with the wacky side effects, such as extreme flatulence, loose stools, sudden gambling urges, decreased sex drive, more painful periods, liver disease, and sprouting of a third arm from my forehead that goes along with these miracle drugs.

The Sounds of the Dentist's Office

I went to a new dentist last week. He bought the practice of my former dentist. Anyhoo, after meeting the new dentist, it was off to the hygienist's chair for my routine teeth cleaning.

As she's putting the final polish on my pearly whites, I hear a strange sound coming from a nearby exam room. I couldn't be sure, but it was the sound of excruciating pain, or it was an orgasm. Either way, it freaked me out.

The hygienist rolls her eyes and says, "Some people are so melodramatic when they are at the dentist's office."

As I'm checking out, the dentist walks by and I ask him, "What in the world are you doing to that woman?"

It turns out she had an infected tooth. I guess that rules out the orgasm.

I looked at him and said, "I picked a good time to get the hell outta here."

Note to self: never let my toothaches get so bad that no one will be able to tell if my screams are in ecstacy or morbid pain.

Things I Love About Lakeland, Florida

I got an email from a high school friend yesterday. We both were born and raised in Ocala. She lives in Chatanooga, Tenn. now. About my moving to Lakeland nearly nine years ago, she said, "So you moved from one small town to another. How is it?"

My first thought was a rather indignant "Lakeland is not small! It's bigger than Ocala, for crying out loud!"

Lakeland has nearly 90,000 residents. Ocala's population is about 52,000. When I think of small towns, I think of Lake Alfred, population 4,500. Or Williston, population 2,300.

But then I thought, well she does live in Chatanooga, population 156,000.

So, for my old friend Ashley, who I've known since fifth grade, and for all you Lakeland residents who might not always think about what makes our city so great, I'm going to answer Ashley's question, "How is it?"

It's home. It's the only place I've ever lived besides Ocala that I have felt comfortable calling home.

I love Lakeland's Downtown area, where I meet my friends at Black & Brew for coffee at least once a week. I enjoy going to the First Friday events each month, grabbing a bite to eat Downtown and strolling around to listen to the saxaphonists, acoustic guitarists, bluegrass and folk musicians staged along the streets. Then there's Palace Pizza, my favorite place to grab a slice.

I love Brooke Pottery, where my husband indulges me in strolling through the shop to look at all the pretty things, and where I pause to look that those beautifully lit hanging stars in the window that would serve no good purpose in my house, but I love them anyway.

I never tire of Munn Park and the way it is decorated during the holidays with brightly lit arches covering the sidewalks and lots of decorations that attract parents of young children by the thousands. I love to watch those children run and play and squeal with delight as they stand in front of the train decoration and get their pictures taken.

I marvel at how the city and local nonprofit organizations plan so many great events in Munn Park. There are arts and crafts festivals, home and garden shows and the Junior Women's Club of Lakeland's annual Family Fest to name a few. Just down the street from Munn Park is the Farmer's Market, open for business every Saturday.

I love Lake Mirror and all the improvements the city has made to that area in the past several years. Purchasing that crappy old motel that once sat across from Texas Cattle Company (home of the free birthday steak) was a beautiful move. Rerouting traffic to be able to eventually create a pedestrian area around the entire lake was a great idea and I'm excited to see the finished product.

Music on the Promenade at Lake Mirror is something I always look forward to. The diversity in music is awesome, and the amphitheater is the perfect place to bring blankets, chairs and a picnic basket full of wine and cheese to enjoy while listening to the music.

Hollis Garden. One could write a book on its beauty.

I love the view of Lake Mirror from the top of the downtown parking garage, especially during the holidays, when the red bell lanterns adorn the street lamps.

Heading east out of Downtown, I love to watch the Jenkins Lincoln Mercury Sputnik sign in action. I was able to write an article for The Ledger and Lakeland Magazine on the sign's renovation earlier this year, and I got to speak to the man who created the sign. Sputnik truly is a piece of Lakeland history, and seeing it spin and twirl in the night sky is quite a site.

So Ashley, I hope this answers your question.

These are pictures of Bonnie. I couldn't get them to post into my blog about being an SPCA foster parent. Isn't she cute?

Volunteering for the SPCA

This is how I've been spending my spare moments for the past week:

1. Wake up at 6 a.m. and feed the puppies.

2. Let puppies outside to go potty.

3. Take puppies for a brief run around the yard or up and down the street.

4. Put puppies in crate.

5. Repeat steps 2-4 over and over and over again.

And I'm loving every minute of it. I recently signed up to be a volunteer foster parent for the SPCA. I've wanted to do this since I read about the opportunity about a year ago on Polk Voice. At the time, my work schedule wouldn't allow for me to do this. Now I have my own business and work from home, which allows me to spend enormous amounts of time with puppies when I don't want to work. The picture above is of Clyde. He's six weeks old today. His sister, Bonnie, is not pictured, because I can't get it to post (I'm still kind of new to blogging). Following in the footsteps of their namesakes, they've been quite the handful. But they're so cute and so fun to watch, they just melt my heart before I can get upset with them for having an accident on my floor (it's hardwood, after all) or chewing through my black Crocs because I failed to keep them out of reach.

I’m trying to be a great foster parent. I'm attempting to crate train Bonnie and Clyde, as well as teach them to walk on a leash without acting like they're being dragged off to their deaths.

That's a fun process. This morning I had each of them on a leash for the first time and they reminded me of young fillies and colts being saddle broken. At the first tug, off they went, bucking and side-stepping, leaning back on their haunches and resisting me. When that wouldn't work, they tried the sympathy approach- whining and wimpering as though they were in excruciating pain. Then it was off to Plan C- launching onto their sides and into an alligator death roll in an attempt to free themselves from the evil leash. The drama was quite comical.

My neighbors swear that these two dogs will soon become permanent members of the Walker household. I insist it isn't true. I simply want to do my part to get these puppies to 9 weeks of age and then turn them back over to the SPCA where they can be adopted into loving homes just in time for Christmas.

If you have the time and patience, I highly recommend becoming an SPCA foster parent. The SPCA provides all the materials you need- food, crate, toys, etc. This time I have young puppies who aren't yet old enough to be adopted, but the SPCA also gets in young kittens and grown dogs and cats who need medication prior to being eligible for adoption.

I've found this to be a worthy cause, and an incredibly entertaining volunteer opportunity.

Good PR Practices When the News is Bad

I read with great disappointment on Friday that Keep Polk County Beautiful's executive director, Janis Davis, was fired on Nov. 19. You can read The Ledger article here. You can read a sloppy and mildly inaccurate version of the story the News Chief published here.

This is a sad story, and not one that Keep Polk County Beautiful was anxious to talk about, I'm sure. But I think their actions in light of this unfortunate event are a good example of what to do when negative publicity comes your way: be forthright with information and don't avoid the media.

By all appearances, KPCB President Tom Parrotte provided all requested information to the media. He explained why the Board of Directors chose to terminate Davis, and he pointed out that despite Davis's judgment error, she was "a real go-getter" for the organization.

In a situation such as this, I think Parrotte took a good public relations approach by not bashing Davis in the media, but just stating the facts.

Earlier today, I stated in this blog that from a public relations standpoint, I don't think I would have issued a press release on this firing. An email I received this morning from James, a PR professional, brought up some good points and I have since changed my stance. This is what he wrote:

"It’s not clear from your blog or the media report who took the first steps relative to the media. My counsel would have been for the organization to seek meetings with its regular beat reporters and tell them what had transpired and why. Perhaps that is what happened. My experience has been it is far better to take that first step when there’s bad news to report. Hiding bad news is never a good strategy since it makes the media wonder what else is lurking in the background. Often this is a hard approach for senior management to take, but it is the right one.

Think about the Tylenol situation many years ago and how they handled the problem. That approach is still considered a sterling best practice."

Later, James responded with some additional comments that I also think are great ideas:

"Before initiating contact with the media regarding the termination, I would have recommended notification to employees and members, as well as any board members not involved in the matter. Also, any major funding sources like United Way or major supporting foundations. It’s never good to have employees or members of a non-profit or other stakeholders read about serious internal matters in the media."

Let's face it, this isn't news you want everyone to know, especially when you're a non-profit organization that relies on public and private funding to carry out your mission. This is the type of news that might jeopardize future funding.

If an organization chooses not to follow James' sound advice, and simply wait to see if the media inquires about a situation such as this, I certainly wouldn't recommend telling them, "No comment," or "This is a personnel issue, and we don't discuss personnel issues."

In response to James' statement about it not being clear whether the media approached KPCB or KPCB reported the firing to the media, the time frame makes one doubt that KPCB approached the media about this. Davis was fired on Nov. 19 and The Ledger reported it on Nov. 30. The News Chief reported it on Dec. 1, which makes it look like they saw it first in The Ledger.

To me, this news item drives home another important public relations topic, especially when it comes to non-profit groups. Leaders of non-profit organizations must maintain the utmost integrity and they should ensure that all of their actions are above reproach at all times. It might be an unfair truth, but the truth is that many volunteers and donors judge a non-profit organization by the actions of its leaders.

In the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that I served as the executive director at Keep Polk County Beautiful for three years. Davis took my place when I resigned.

Best of luck to KPCB in its search to replace Davis. In spite of this misstep, her shoes will be tough to fill.

To all you PR professionals out there, I would love to get your thoughts and opinions regarding how this situation was handled.

Area Bloggers Meeting Well-Attended

This is old news by now, if you read Chuck's Lakeland Local blog, but since I took notes, I felt obligated to write something brief (hopefully) on our recent area bloggers' meeting at Black & Brew.

First of all, a HUGE thank you to the owners of Black & Brew, who stayed open an hour later to accommodate our meeting.

For this meeting, we made a special effort to get women to attend. I'm proud to say there were five of us this time!

We also had a great mix of bloggers and blogger enthusiasts. There were people who don't have blogs, but like to read them, people who blog as part of their work and people who are blogging just for fun.

For those in need of some technical assistance, Josh Hallett and Chuck Welch were on hand. I've heard past reviews of the area bloggers gatherings as the "Chuck and Josh Show," but I don't think this meeting could be called that. From my vantage point, everyone got to offer some input, as well as ask some questions.

Jess Wilcox, the new editor of Polk Voice , was there. She's making an effort to get more Polk County residents blogging. Additionally, she wants feedback. So if you're surfing at Polk Voice and you see a post that strikes your fancy, leave a comment. If you want to see something on Polk Voice that isn't there, email Jess. She wants to make this a true community blog site.

Lakeland Police Department Assistant Chief Bill LePere also was there. His Inside LPD blog is designed to give the public more insight into the department's activities, and he doesn't want to shy away from controversial topics.

Steve, who has a personal blog appropriately titled Blogging This, was there. He has the term "brief blogs" down to an art form. I admire that. I obviously don't have that talent.

Travis represented his Winter Lake Church blog, which he admits doesn't represent the church very much. But you should check it out, because it has one of the funniest videos I've seen in a while involving a newlywed couple's first dance as husband and wife.

Cat Carter, who writes the YLakeland blog, also attended, as did The Ledger's Tom Palmer and Barry Friedman. Tom has a blog at The Ledger, and a blog about his volunteer efforts at Lake Blue Scrub, while Barry writes the What's New Online blog at The Ledger. Other attendees were Ginger and Sal, each of whom blog a bit on their MySpace pages, and Darby, who works for Polk County Tourism and Sports Marketing.

Billy Townsend, a Tampa Tribune reporter who blogs about Polk County at tbo.com, showed up as we were wrapping things up.

Gatherings such as this one help me learn more about blogging, as well as learn a little about why others blog. It's interesting to see what piques other people's interests.

Note: I didn't put everyone's last names in here, because unlike me, not everyone is an open book. So if you're in here by first name only and want me to add your full name, email me.