Tales from the Delk Side

The Wednesday Night Board Meeting

2009-04-23T05:15:00.000-07:00

The older I get, the more I like my parents. I've always loved them. But I really like them, too. In my 20s, a visit home meant a chance to catch up with friends from school. These days, my friends rarely know when I'm in town because I'm just hangin' with my family.

My dad has been retired for a few years now, but he still keeps in touch with his old work buddies. Not so much by phone; he's not the chatty type. Definitely not by e-mail; he'd kick your ass just for suggesting that he sit in front of a computer and peck out a note to someone. No, my dad and his friends keep in touch in a reasonably formal way. It's called the Wednesday Night Board Meeting.

I have to admit that the first time I happened to be at my parents' house on a Wednesday night, I prepared myself for a Wednesday Night Bored Meeting. But let me assure you, these are anything but.

First of all, I'm privileged beyond words that I even get to attend the occasional WNBM when I'm in town. Typically they are attended by men only.

Secondly, I get to learn things about my dad and his buddies that I wasn't privvy to as a child. The guys love to tell stories on each other. And let me just say right now that the guys already know about this blog, so it should be understood that anything they say within earshot of me is fair game in here. Nonetheless, I will change some names to protect the guilty where necessary.

Also, I must mention that southern accents make these stories soooooo much better, so audio would be great here. However, I'll try to spell phonetically so my Yankee friends will get the point.

On a recent visit to the WNBM, Daddy called out a friend- let's call him Arty- for his recent social faux pas while at a NASCAR event (you didn't think I'd share a story about rednecks that didn't include a NASCAR angle, did you?!).

Daddy asked what might have been an innocent question by anyone else: "Arty, do you need some Depends?" Or words to that effect.

Immediately, Arty gets a sheepish look on his face.

"Alright, I'll admit it. I sharted," he said.

I'm wondering what the heck a "shart" is, but in this group, it doesn't take long to figure things out.

Arty and a group of friends went to see a race at the Daytona Speedway. Shortly after nearly getting into an altercation with a drunk man, Arty sat back down by his girlfriend, gazed lovingly into her eyes, hiked up one butt cheek and attempted to fart, "just to be cute," he said.

I say attempted, because that's not quite what happened. He crapped in his pants. Classy.

So Arty quickly earned himself a new nickname: Arty Sharty.

A couple of weeks later, I found myself at my parents' once again- on a Wednesday night. I'll admit I was excited. I wondered who might top the Arty Sharty story this week.

On this night, a legendary story about my dad beating the crap out of an uncle-by-marriage came up. I've heard the story before, but it's so much funnier when Daddy's redneck friend- who witnessed said butt-kicking-tells it. I suspect he embellishes, but hey, I never let the facts get in the way of a good story, either.

We'll call his redneck friend "Mike."

Mike says he was in the truck with my dad the afternoon they drove up to my aunt and uncle's house so Daddy could have a calm conversation with his brother-in-law on how his sister should be cared for and treated properly.

Let's set the scene: Daddy and Mike are in a 1974 Dodge Power Wagon 4x4. They enter the trailer park (Yeah, I know. No redneck story is complete without a trailer park scene) and drive over the aunt's/uncle's hedge and stop in the front yard, just outside the front door.

This is how Mike describes what happened next: Uncle comes barreling out the front door, shouting, "Hey, you can't drive over my hedge and up in my yard like-"

BAAAAAWOOOP!

That's the sound of Daddy doing an open-handed slap across the Uncle's face. And the Uncle doing a cartwheel as he hits the ground.

"I thought he was doin' sum gymnastics," Mike says of the Uncle. "Yer daddy beat the hell outta 'im."

Then Daddy pipes in with, "No I didn't, I slapped 'im one time."

"What about when you kicked 'im in the hangy downs as he tried to crawl under the trailer?" Mike asks.

Daddy denies that happened. Meanwhile, I'm still doubled over with laughter at the term "hangy downs."

I promise, one day I am going to write a book. You just can't make this stuff up.

Some Things Are Worth Repeating

2009-02-19T02:29:00.000-08:00

I'm a writer. I'm comfortable with my style; my abilities. But sometimes, I read things like this and wish these were my words:

I wish I could take language
And fold it like cool, moist rags.
I would lay words on your forehead.
I would wrap words on your wrists.
“There, there,” my words would say-
Or something better.
I would ask them to murmur,
“Hush” and “Shh, shh, it’s all right.”
I would ask them to hold you all night.
I wish I could take language
And daub and soothe and cool
Where fever blisters and burns,
Where fever turns yourself against you.
I wish I could take language
And heal the words that were the wounds
You have no names for.

Words For It
Julia Cameron

The Battle of the Bulge

2009-02-18T09:48:00.000-08:00

The Battle of the Bulge is something I've fought nearly all of my adult life. It comes as no surprise that the older I get, the more the bulge gets the best of me.

It doesn't help when you have friends who are 5'8",weigh 112 pounds on a hefty day and wear size zero. Meanwhile I'm too short, weigh none-of-your-damn-business and wear size fat-in-the-ass.

The skinny friend recently went through a bout of uncontrolled weight loss. She was eating like a horse and still losing weight. Well, cry me a friggin' river, I thought. Oh, to have that problem.

But she kept wasting away and frankly, I began to worry about her health. She did, too. We made a trip to her endocrinologist together (she suffers from doctor's office anxiety and wanted some emotional support) and learned that she has hyperthyroidism. This is nothing to fool around with, and I know that.

But in the back of my mind, I couldn't help being jealous. Why does she get to have hyperthyroidism and lose all the weight? Why couldn't I have hyperthyroidism, too?

Now let me just share something about my twisted thoughts. In my mind, I should be able to choose the characteristics of hyperthyroidism that I want. Obviously, I just want the ones that result in drastic, faster-than-the-speed-of-light weight loss. I'll even handle the chronic diarrhea. But you can keep the resting pulse rate of 140 BPM, the inability to sleep and the nagging feeling that your insides are trying to vibrate right out of your body.

Also, in this fantasy world of mine, I could schedule my hyperthyroidism. It would last until I lost the appropriate amount of weight and then it would miraculously go away. I don't think that is too much to ask.

While whining about my weight to a friend this morning, she offered her seven step plan to becoming anorexic. We laughed heartily at the joke, but I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't considering following the steps. Not all of them are unhealthy. See for yourself:

The Skinny Girl's Guide to Becoming an Anorexic

When you feel hunger pangs, drink water.
Cravings typically only last 60 seconds. Distract, distract, distract.
Plan errands around mealtimes.
Use a small plate, such as a salad plate. Eat on a black plate, if possible and avoid eating on red or orange plates. (She gave a plausible explanation that's too long to share. Just trust me on this one)
Chop food into small pieces before eating and put your fork down between bites. Also, eat things that burns more calories eating them than the calories taken in by actually eating the food. Celery is an example.
Count how many times you chew your food before swallowing and double it.
Exercise daily. For hours.

Every Kiss Begins With K...

2009-02-16T08:48:00.000-08:00

After a several-month hiatus, I've decided to started posting on my own personal little ol' blog again. I'll warn you now: it very likely will be sporadic. But here's something I wrote on another site on Feb. 13, that I will share here, just to give me an honest-to-God, up-to-date post:

Valentine’s Day came early for me this year and I can tell you this: the Kay Jewelers commercial is right when it says, “Every kiss begins with K.”

For me, that is “K” as in “Kel-Tec.”

Yes, gentle readers, my darling husband bought me a gun for Valentine’s Day. A Kel-Tec .380, to be exact. And he accompanied this token of his affection with these words: “Honey, this is the finest in purse weaponry.”

Ahhhh, say it again. Romance was in the air. The angels sang. Birds twittered. And then ducked for cover. Would-be burglars ran for the hills. And that damn barking dog next door sensed that something was up and he got a little quieter. Well, for a minute.

This Valentine’s Day, Cupid has nothing on me. My gun can out-shoot his arrow without a doubt. I know. I’ve already fired about 40 rounds of ammunition through it at the Tenoroc shooting range.

I will admit that this definitely is not the kind of handgun you want to target shoot with. It will beat your hand to death if you shoot 40 rounds of ammo through it in 20 minutes. The muscles in my forearm and hand are still feeling the punch this pistol packs.

But I say that’s a small price to pay. After all, we’re talking about having the finest in purse weaponry.

I've Moved!

2008-07-30T13:23:00.000-07:00

It's official. I'm discontinuing this blog, as I've moved to a hyperlocal blog: www.lakelandlocal.com.

I believe there's strength in numbers, and I'm happy to be a part of Lakeland Local, which features three other writers besides me. It's flattering to be part of a talented group of writers.

So I hope you'll cruise on over to Lakeland Local and not only continue to read my posts, but those posts by Billy, Darby and Chuck as well.

Tales from the Delk Side is Moving

2008-07-28T08:27:00.001-07:00

This is just a quick note to let everyone know that very soon, I will relocate my blog to someplace really cool. Why? Because ALL the cool kids are doing it, duh!

Stay tuned. More to be revealed...

Bright House Customers Can Get In Free At Tampa Yankees Baseball Game

2008-07-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

Bright House Networks is offering its customers free admission to a Tampa Yankees baseball game, raffles, door prizes and giveaways for the 8th Annual Customer Appreciation Day.

The event is slated for Friday, July 25th when gates open at 5:30 p.m. with the game starting at 7:05 p.m. at George M. Steinbrenner Field, 1 Steinbrenner Way in Tampa.

Admission to the game between the Tampa Yankees and the Dunedin Blue Jays is free to Bright House Networks customers who present their cable statement at the ticket office for admittance.

There will be lots of games and giveaways, with the grand prize being a trip to Chicago and Wrigley Field courtesy. Second prize is a $1,500 Romance Getaway Travel Voucher.

Vegan/Raw Food Restaurant Coming to Lakeland

2008-07-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

I first read about this as a result of my new membership in the Barefoot Gardeners group, but I've since confirmed it: Grass Root Organic Restaurant is opening a Lakeland location in August.

Grass Root is a vegan/raw food restaurant that started in Tampa.

Check out their Web site for more information, which I'm sure will be coming in the next couple of weeks: http://www.thegrassrootlife.com/.

Update: – I just learned that Grass Root will be in the old Petals florist building at the corner of Belmar and S. Florida Ave.

I'm sure the Dixieland neighborhood is happy at the prospect of having another restaurant, especially a trendy one like this! I think it will be a good fit.

Update to THAT update: Petals isn't going anywhere. The restaurant is going in BESIDE the Petals Florist building.

A New Look for Bent's

2008-07-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't been inside Bent's Cycling and Fitness in a couple of weeks, the owner took advantage of being closed during the recent Fourth of July holiday to do some sprucing up in the store.

The discolored plexiglass windows in front were replaced, which makes a huge difference as you drive by. Inside, they replaced the carpet, added new two-tier display racks along a wall, replaced lighting and moved all of the clothing and children's bicycles into the back room.

The result is a more spacious floor plan.

On a side note, we see the price of everything going up these days- gasoline, food, electric bills, etc. Well, add bicycles to the list of products that are increasing in price. It could be the increased price of materials, increased demand for alternative transportation, or a combination of the two, but some bikes are increasing by about $50 as the new model years hit the sales floor.

So if you've been contemplating whether to buy a bicycle for your errand-running or workday commute, you'd better act soon if you don't want the purchase to hit your checkbook harder.

I Need Sources For Some Articles

2008-07-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

I'm looking for Polk County people to interview for several articles I'm working on. If you fit the bill, or you know someone who would, please email me with your name, the story for which you could be a source and your PHONE NUMBER. I refuse to play e-mail tag with anyone!

I do not use anonymous sources, so unless you can give me your full name and age, there's no need to reply.

Here are the stories:

Cougars and Kittens
There’s a lot of it in Hollywood- younger guys with older women. Think Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher; Jennifer Anniston and John Mayer; Linda Hogan and her 19-year-old boy toy.

There's also a lot of younger women with older men. It seems that it used to be more socially acceptable for the guy to be the older of the two, but not anymore. I'm looking for those Polk County Cougars! Do you have a younger man in your life? Do you get mistaken for the grandmother or mother of your younger man? How do you deal with that? What’s the psychology behind seeking and keeping younger mates? Is it really just about the money, which is what's often assumed?

And you younger guys, I want to talk to you, too. What attracted you to your Cougar?

Guys who play video games
Are adult men who play video games long after they have wives and children total losers, or is it OK to play them? How much is too much? Is 3-4 hours a day perfectly acceptable? What do you wives think about your husbands playing video games?

I know there are women out there who refuse to even date a man who admits to playing video games. Is that a deal breaker in a relationship?

Guys: why do you play video games as adults? What are the pros/cons to it?

Boob Jobs
Younger and younger women are getting boob jobs. I need to find at least one teenager who has had a breast enhancement or an adult who had a breast enhancement as a teenager.

Also, I'd like to talk to women who've had breast augmentation in their 20s, 30s, 40s.

Polk County Extension Service Is On The Chopping Block

2008-07-10T07:26:00.001-07:00

Ever wondered how to grow blueberries? Been curious about having a Florida-friendly yard? Need a rain barrel, but don't know how to make one? Looking for a way to teach your kids about the value of hard work and its rewards?

You better call the Polk County Extension Service now, because there's a possibility the valuable organizations and information available through the Exension Service won't survive the County Commission's budget-cutting ax. Tampa Bay's 10 has a post on their Web site about what's going on.

The Polk County Farm Bureau also has posted information on the proposal.

If the Extension Service goes away, it will take 4-H clubs, Florida Yards & Neighborhoods and Master Gardener programs with it.

I don't mean to make the BOCC out to be the bad guys here. We're in a lean budget year and the passage of Amendment One means changes have to take place. It's not good for any programs to be cut, because they're all worthy. But as a former 4-H member and a lover of the Florida Yards & Neighborhoods programs, it saddens me to know that they may go away.

If you have an opinion on these proposed budget cuts, I urge you to call and/or email your county commissioners. They need to know how the public feels about these programs.

Commissioner Bob English
863-534-6450
BobEnglish@polk-county.net

Commissioner Sam Johnson
863-534-6049
SamJohnson@polk-county.net

Commissioner Jack Myers
863-534-6050
JackMyers@polk-county.net

Commissioner Jean Reed
863-534-6422
JeanReed@polk-county.net

Commissioner Randy Wilkinson
863-534-6434
RandyWilkinson@polk-county.net

CSX Getting Beat Up In Massachusetts, Too

2008-07-09T10:22:00.000-07:00

Poor, poor CSX. It seems they just don't undestand why citizens don't want to be fed garbage politely with a spoon...

If Floridians thought we were the only ones suffering from CSX trying to shove liability down our throats for this commuter rail project, fret no more. They're doing it in Massachusetts, too.

Downtown Lakeland Partnership Executive Director Julie Townsend recently was interviewed by the Worcester Business Journal for an article on the topic. You can read the article here.

Publix Murals

2008-06-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

When I think about Publix, I think about this:

The Publix in Ocala where my mom shopped when I was a child had one of these murals. I always associated Publix with the murals- and the S&H Green Stamp store next door.

Recently I rode my bike over to the Lakeland Wabash Publix and took pictures of the mural there. That is (obviously) where these photos came from. I decided I'd better get it done, because it dawned on me that the store had been vacant for so long, and some day, a new tenant might come along and remove the mural. While photographing various portions of the mural, I found the artist's information:

I spoke to Pati today by phone and she informed me that she glazed and fired about 200 murals for Publix stores throughout a 25-year period. Pretty amazing.

What are your thoughts on the murals? Are they a part of your childhood memories, too? Do you think they should be salvaged when Publix stores undergo remodeling or the stores get sold to other businesses?

Kayaking the Silver River in Ocala

2008-06-08T20:02:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, Mike and I drove to Ocala to kayak up the Silver River with a friend of mine from high school and several of his friends. This beautiful trip takes you through part of the Ocala National Forest and if you go all the way up the river, you end up at the spring head, which is at the Silver Springs attraction. That's right, you can kayak right into the area where the world-famous glass-bottom boats launch every few minutes.

I won't waste a lot of words in this post. Instead, I'll just tell you that we paddled so far I thought my arms would fall off, but seeing as how I'm typing this, you can guess the arms remain intact. And I'll tell you that you would be hard pressed to find a more beautiful place to kayak in Central Florida than this pristine river. Just look at the color of the water:

These beautiful red flowers, which I believe are in the salvia family, are growing everywhere.

And of course, it wouldn't be Florida without a gator. This one's hiding pretty well:

Hopefully Tom Palmer will comment and tell us what kind of bird this is:

We saw tons of turtles sunning themselves on logs:

One of our rest stops was at the Silver River State Park canoe launch. There are THOUSANDS of minnows that hang around here. My guess is that they stay because they are fed by visitors. These minnows make beautiful shapes while swimming in schools. Below, part of the school broke off and formed a tornado of sorts:

An interesting thing the Silver River is known for is the fact that there are wild Rhesus monkeys living near the attraction. Legend has it that they are leftovers from the days when the Tarzan movies were filmed at the attraction. I can't tell you how disappointed I was that I didn't see any on my trip. But they are there! I've seen them in the past.

Here's some good information if you ever decide to kayak the Silver River. I recommend parking at the Ray Wayside Park on S.R. 40, just east of the Silver Springs attraction. I'm an Ocala native, and we always called this place "the Boat Basin." So if you're in the area and get lost, you better ask for directions to the Boat Basin because a) no one will know where Ray Wayside Park is and b) why give away the fact that you're not from around here?

Bring cash, because parking is $5. There's a great canoe/kayak launch that was designed by an Eagle Scout years ago. When you get into the water, you'll head south and take your first right to head up the Silver River.

For more information on kayaking the Silver River, visit this Central Florida Kayak Trips Web site.

Let Me Go!

2008-06-03T06:27:00.002-07:00

I've been spending some time at Gandy Pool lately because it's been hot as a wok around here. Well that, and my latest wild hair is that I've decided I want to become a lap swimmer. Riding the bike and walking is fun and all, but did I mention it's hot as a wok?! Exercise in the pool is right up my alley.

But I digress...

So Mike and I spent Saturday and Sunday at Gandy Pool, swimming laps and getting some sun. It was meant to be calming...relaxing. Instead, I left the pool Sunday with this overwhelming desire to get my tubes tied.

I heard more squalling, screaming, whining and fit-pitching- and that was just the parents. Nah, not really.

One little girl, she couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 years old- practically set off car alarms in the parking lot with her shriek. She did something wrong and her dad was holding her by the arm and walking her back to where she was supposed to be while she screamed as though she were being scalped and howled, "LET ME GO!!!"

"LET MEEEEEE GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"LLLLLLLLET MEEEEEE GOOOOOO!!!"

All the while, I'm thinking, "For the love of God, let her go!"

No, actually, I was thinking, "Beat her a--!"

Is that too harsh? Well, I come from a family where if I was squalling like that for no good reason, my mama would offer to provide said reason.

Actually, I think the parents were doing a fairly decent job with this child. She was wanting to have her way, and they weren't letting her. It was a battle of the wills and the parents were determined to win. For that, I applaud them.

I also want to point out that if a stranger ever tries to grab that child, he/she will rue the day, because Little Girl had some LUNGS on her. Plus, she's got the whole "Let me GO!" routine down pretty good.

Another child, a little boy of about the same age, was standing by his family's chairs and towels, yelling, "Mommy!"

Over. And over. And over again.

Finally, in an attempt to stifle him, I asked, what's wrong?

Immediately he started crying and said, "Mommy won't come here!"

Wow. That's demanding. Did I mention I want to get my tubes tied?

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Winner Announced

2008-05-21T21:59:00.000-07:00

Chuck: The last column, or how Lorrie could turn 117 votes into 12 million.

Lorrie: I prepared myself all day to watch 120 minutes of TV to get to what took all of 7 seconds to learn- David Cook is this year's American Idol.

I know, I know...I could've turned on the TV at 9:57 p.m. and seen all I needed to see, but I would've missed Jason Castro's rendition of Hallejuah again. I would've missed Amanda Overmyer singing as though she had a Rottweiler stuck in her throat. I would've missed Donna Summer's bad weave.

I will take this opportunity to explain Randy's wardrobe: he actually was running late from the Off-Broadway production of "I'm Gonna Get You, Sucka!" and didn't have time to change out of his costume before he hit the AI theater.

Chuck: I predict this column will be much shorter than that Love Guru ~~commercial~~ skit.

Lorrie: Somehow, we haven't been very successful at paring this down as the weeks progressed. Why start now?

Chuck: Jason Castro sang again. Well, it went like this, the fourth, the fifth, a minor fall, a major lift, and it was over. Hallelujah.

They spent two minutes on Ford commercial outtakes. And we thought the commercials were bad.

The final six women sang Donna Summer. We learned two things: Nothing in the American Idol contract could force Amanda Overmeyer into a dress and Brooke White dances like a prom queen whose punch has been spiked.

Donna Summer proved she works not so hard for her money by giving her mic to sYESha.

Coke spared no expense and ran a two year old commercial 17 times.

Jimmy Kimmel needs to go back to Sarah Silverman and beg her to write him new material.

David Archuleta's father wouldn't let him sing “Summer of 69.” For obvious reasons.

Lorrie: Why did they let David Hernandez, the not-so-secret-gay-male-stripper, sing the verse about "Jody got married?" He wasn't believable, BTW.

Chuck: Wow, new songs by Bryan Adams, Donna Summer, and George Michael. That's why I listen to those oldies...you know, for the new stuff.

Lorrie: I felt embarrased when the Davids sang Heaven and the David2008 sang "Now nothing can take me away from you." Dude, he totally sounded like he was singing that to DC.

A brief side-note- All these years, I've never realized that Bryan Adams had the Madonna-Gap in his teeth.

Chuck: The best moment with David Cook and ZZ Top was when Cook started the famous ZZ Top knee swing. The guys didn't join in. It's easy to break a hip at that age.

Lorrie: DC did an awesome job with the ZZ Top song. That, by far was my favorite performance of the night. I don't care that they sing some of the most sexist songs ever written, I love 'em!

Chuck: Couldn't you just picture Crosby, Stills, Nash, & White? I want to hear her sing “Tin soldiers and Nixon's coming...”

Did we really need to learn Cook prefers briefs and Archuleta boxers? I hope those Guitar Hero commercials never run again.

Lorrie: I think Daddy Dearest prefers boxers and therefore, the David2008 prefers boxers.

Chuck: Seeing the Jonas Brothers made me long for the days of Hanson. Mmmm- Bop.

Lorrie: Allow me to reveal how un-hip my husband and I are. We couldn't translate what all those screaming girls her saying when they introduced that boy band. My husband asked, "Is that Menudo?" And for a split second, I thought it might be.

Chuck: The USC Trojan Marching Band's rendition of “I Am Your Brother” is their best work since they joined Fleetwood Mac on “Tusk.”

Lorrie: I concur. Now about the fact that the producers allowed this weird little man to perform in front of this huge audience: don't they realize that when they let people like this come on the results show, and they give them a freaking marching band to back them up, they only encourage others who are straight-up, bitch-kittens crazy to show up for the auditions next year?! Oh wait. That's intentional. I get it now.

Chuck: The band you thought was Maroon 5 singing with Archuleta was actually One Republic. After it was over, it really was too late to apologize.

When they cut to Archuleta's grandfather I thought he was going to say, “Suck it Osmonds. Here we come.”

The less said about Jordin Spark's dress the better.

Lorrie: Oh, no you don't. I won't be denied my remark. Jordin went to the ugly side of her closet to get dressed tonight. Gold lamet? Puh-lease...

Chuck: Do you want to know they had that Gladys Knight and “the Pips” skit? Tropic Thunder

Lorrie: I loved that skit. Jack Black can just stand there and blink his eyes and have me howling.

Chuck: When did sweet farm girl Carrie Underwood become Tammy Wynette?

Lorrie: Few of you viewers know this, but Carrie Underwood actually was going to dive off the balcony with that parachute that was attached to her sleeves, but she chickened out at the last minute. On another note, did that girl sport some rockin' legs last night, or what?!

Chuck: While the women sang “Faith” all their microphones cut out except for one. I think it was a backup singer. Amanda didn't even bother holding the mic to her mouth.

Lorrie: Amanda Overmyer's voice sticks out as horribly as her hair in this crowd of finalists. They should have just given her some money to stay home from the tour. Everyone else just makes her sound like utter garbage.

Chuck: Paula cried while George Michael sang. She remembered when they used to be popular.

OK, it's time to announce I was shocked, shocked! For weeks Lorrie pushes for the David2008 robot and at the last minute votes for David Cook? It had to be millions of people like her switching at the last minute that made the difference.

Lorrie: I feel kind of bad about my sudden presto-switcho-chango. Now poor Li'l David is gonna be on restriction when he goes home for losing. I can hear Daddy Dearest now: "Second place is the first loser!"

Chuck: I loved how Cook's tears barely contained his muttering, “They own me. They own me!”

I've really enjoyed writing these columns with Lorrie. Still, I'm looking forward to simply watching true talent on TV: So You Thing You Can Dance? starts next week!

Lorrie: Well, Chuck, I'm shocked at the results and bordering on weepy, because we've come all this way and now our dueling blogging has come to an end. What say we blog about Wheel of Fortune next week, for old time's sake?

More insight on the CSX deal

2008-05-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

In my routine perusal of local blogs this morning, I came across Julie Townsend's post on the Downtown Lakeland Partnership blog. This particular post is a response/clarification to a recent article that appeared in The Ledger about the future of the CSX project.

In my opinion, there are few people outside of government officials who appear to be as well-versed on this issue as Julie. If you have any opinion on the CSX issue, you owe it to yourself to read her post, titled CSX Q&A in The Ledger.

Remember, the CSX project is not a done deal. Right now, we all have a bit of breathing room in which additional informaton can be gathered and perhaps Lakeland's voice can finally be heard on the same level as the voices in Orlando and Winter Haven.

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- Grand Finale

2008-05-21T04:55:00.001-07:00

Chuck: Right off the bat I'm going to tell you David Archuleta will be announced as the winner Wednesday night. That said, he didn't earn it.

A consistent, solid, middle of the road performer doesn't embody “American Idol.”

But...

David Cook also should not win American Idol. He took a dive. A smart dive.

What's a poor public to do?

I can tell you what will happen. David Archuleta will win and his first album will sell well, and in three years he'll sing at the end of an AI finale while behind him the producers show video of that season's losers.

Lorrie: Don't forget the part where David Archuleta eventually will rival Britney Spears with his nervous breakdown. The only thing that will keep him from stealing her Crazy Crown will be the fact that he refuses to marry K-Fed.

Chuck: David Cook will have a solid, though not high-profile, career as a singer.

Let's get ready to.....grumble....

Lorrie: I would like to let the readers know that I concur with Chuck's prediction that David Archuleta will win, despite the fact that for the first time this season, I voted. For David Cook. 117 times.

Ryan started off the evening as star of The Captain Obvious Show by asking Randy, "What's it gonna take to win this competition?"

Uhhhhh, duh, Ryan...more votes than the other guy.

• Round One or Clive Davis Picks Songs to Make You Wince

Chuck: The first good news for the David2008...four hours of voting. His fans have much more stamina.

The first bad news for the David2008? His comment that “I'll keep on doing what I've been doing.” Duh. You're Johnny One-Note. What else can you do?

Simon's advice is to hate your opponent. Both Davids immediately ignore Simon's advice.

Lorrie: That's an understatement. Did you notice how the Davids did everything short of having a smoochfest on stage?

Chuck: David Cook led with “I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.” The bad news..he wasn't as good as Bono. The good news? He wasn't as bad as Sonny Bono.

Lorrie: U2's Joshua Tree was among the first albums I bought as a teenager, so I've always liked this song. I loved what DC did with this song. You still knew what he was singing, but if you're familiar with it, you could pick out the areas where he changed things up a bit.

This guy has got IT. A Class A performance.

Chuck: Randy Jackson thinks it is 2007.

Lorrie: I'm glad you caught that, too. I thought I was going crazy.

Chuck: Paula thinks it is 1987. Simon thought it was phenomenal.

Lorrie: Someone needs to tell Paula that her writer is NOT on her side. First performance of the evening, and Paula was off to the races with her cheesy-ass comments, telling DC, "You may not have found what you're looking for, but we have."

Hee haw. That's good stuff.

Chuck: David Archuleta sang “Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me.” He was more animated than ever this season. He took the song down gospel lane. He still couldn't leave his eyes open.

Lorrie: A great choice for Li'l David. Heavy-breathing, lip-licking DA did a good job on this song tonight. This is certainly his style of music. And Chuck, DA can't help that he has squinty little eyes!

Chuck: Randy thought it was flawless. Paula was never heard as Randy kept muttering “Crazy” as she spoke. Simon told him it was the best he'd done so far.

Lorrie: Actually, Paula was heard muttering her lame one-liner: "The sun is never gonna go down on you, David."

Come on! You couldn't see these things coming any better if there was an air traffic controller onstage guiding them into the microphone.

Did you get a load of DA mouthing "Oh My Gosh.." after Simon's comments? He wasn't surprised by Simon's comment. As the camera panned away, there was relief on his face as he whispered "Daddy's not gonna beat me tonight!"

Finally, can I just ask you, Chuck? What's up with the boxing references? I'm going to have to declare a personal moratorium on use of the word LAME in this post.

• The New Song Contest Contestant Choice or “All the songs sucked and we didn't want to pick one.”

Chuck: David Cook picked Dream Big, a song that uses his voice, wasn't repetitive, and had a rocker vibe. In other words, a stupid song choice.

With the New Song all that matters is that it repeats the chorus five times and sounds upbeat.

Lorrie: The New Song also has to be hokey as all get-out. Don't forget that requirement!

Chuck: Randy thought Cook sang his face off. Paula started talking and I drifted off.

Lorrie: Allow me to fill you in on Paula's comment. Paula started to say, "David, I hope your dreaming big because..." Then she was interrupted by Simon, who wrapped his fingers around her neck in an attempt to choke her to sleep and end my misery.

Chuck: Simon said the song was a lightweight. It was. That's why David Cook picked it. Winning AI would be poison for his career. He had a choice: win and be stuck in a contract that would strangle him, or get second and have the freedom to make the album he wants to make.

David Archuleta sang “In This Moment” As he sang I wrote, “In this moment I need five shots of tequila.” I fear it wouldn't have been enough.

Lorrie: That's funny, Paula said the same thing!

Chuck: But it was the perfect song for the show. It was repetitive. He sang the same thing over and over. If you missed it, he sang it again. In other words, he sang exactly what an audience wants out of the new song.

Nothing new.

Randy loved it. He worked with Journey. Need I write more? Paula said something. I saw her lips move. Simon loved the egotistical lyric.

Lorrie: My only note from this song was that to me, poor, poor Li'l David looked simply dazed...stunned...bordering on paralysis.

Chuck: Round two was to David2008. He obviously was, as Randy loved to say, “In it to win it.”

• the Final Round or When David Cook Guaranteed He'd Lose.

Chuck: David Cook didn't pick a song he knew the audience had loved. He spent two minutes displaying the kind of music fans can expect to see on his album. Please note that people who vote on AI rarely buy the albums.

In case you wondered about the lyrics for Cook's song, I'll sum it up: a disillusioned man considers suicide. Known in film circles as “The Feel Good Hit of the Year!!' Known on AI as Second Place.

At the end David Cook cried. Paula cried. People who had bet on Cook cried.

Simon suggested David should have sung “Billy Jean” or “Hello.” Cook responded, “Why? To win and get stuck with that oppressive contract? You're crazy.”

Really. He said that. Check your DVR.

Lorrie: I've enjoyed how DC continued to push himself and take chances, while DA lames out with a stunning- but repeat- performance of Imagine.

Paula, the bouncy bobble-headed doll, jumped out of her seat at the end of the song. Surprise.

DC tried to lasso in a few more votes by shedding a couple of tears.

Paula told DC, "You're standing in your truth." Paula! WTF!!!

After Simon's suggestion that he should have sung Billie Jean or Hello, DC stood up for himself and said for him, this season has been about progression...why should he do a song he's already done?

Kudos to DC, but I hope he was watching his back after the show, because Daddy Dearest Archuleta probably tried to jump him for that comment.

Chuck: David Archuleta sang “Imagine.” Now, I love Imagine. My license plate says “Dreamer.” And John Lennon never wrote “Take my hand and join us.” I closed my eyes and imagined I'd never again have to hear Archuleta sing.

Randy crowned David2008 as the winner. Paula was thankfully left speechless, and Simon called it a “knockout.”

I'd have to agree. But it was a Technical Knock Out as Cook threw in the towel. Since the audience will vote on the performances of the finale, and not the whole season, they'll vote David Archuleta as the winner.

Even David Cook wanted that. Check the tape. When Ryan mentions tuning in Wednesday night to see who won, Cook stands back and points to Archuleta.

Lorrie: Tune in tonight for the results show!

American Idol Top 3 Results Show Recap

2008-05-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

Chuck: I've got nothing.

Lorrie: Well, let me share this, then- sYESha is at the courthouse today changing her name to...you see this one coming...sNOsha. I wish we could take pride in our accurate prediction, but this was like shooting fish in a barrel, y'all.

Chuck: Seriously, after all these weeks it's down to two.

Tuesday's show almost put me to sleep. Then I had to spend an hour Wednesday watching the same scenes three times: contestant goes to home town, politician tries to get camera time, contestant sees lots of kids at mall and cries.

I cry myself when I see that many people at Brandon mall. Of course, Christmas always makes me emotional.

Let's see....Fantasia sang. Well, whatever it is she does.

Lorrie: Again- shooting fish in a barrel- but what the heck was up with Fantasia? First of all, she looked like a match stick (a thick matchstick) with that day-glow red hair.

Then there was the dancing...I swear, she looked like an African tribeswoman with some of those moves. And, she had Black Gilligan up in the balcony accompanying her. I expected to see Reuben Studdard walk out at any second dressed like The Skipper.

Chuck: Then we had to watch the "you're going home" tape for each contestant.

Did you notice that the tape of David Cook showed him in line with his brother? In line, Cook has normal hair, but by the time he gets to sing for the judges he has some red dye on his forelock.

Lorrie: I missed that. I must've been knee-deep in a yawn at that point.

Chuck: I love how sYESha dropped her smile and happy attitude like a guillotine when Ryan said she was going home.

Lorrie: That's because she was fuming over how her dad tried to steal the spotlight while she was home by telling America about how his baby girl's voice keeps him from going back to drugs and alcohol.

Chuck: Next week it's David and David. Welcome to the Boomtown.

Points if you get that reference.

Lorrie: Dang it. No points for me.

Chuck: I'm going to spend this weekend watching Marx Brothers movies to get my funny back.
You can't fool me. There's no such thing as sanity clause.

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Top 3

2008-05-14T04:30:00.000-07:00

Chuck: You're wondering why they didn't just declare a winner after last night's American Idol. That is, if you watched the show last night, and if you didn't --- why are you reading this? If you're looking for humor, try here.

Last night we learned that Randy is a belt and suspenders kind of guy. Paula's new writer doesn't really care for anyone, and Simon is, wait for it, the only person on the show who believes in its premise.

Lorrie: Remember earlier in the season, when we were happy and carefree...cracking jokes and getting a cheap laugh here and there? Well, gentle readers, after last night, I feel like I'm just ready for this ride to be over.

Here we are in Top Three Land and I wasn't blown away by any performances last night. To be sure, I agree with Simon that David Cook won the evening. I still think he will win the show.

Ho hum...on with the review:

• The Judges Pick
Chuck: We learned retired major league baseball star Rollie Fingers is the mayor of Who Really Cares, Utah, David A's hometown. He's the only contestant not to get his judge-picked song by text message. I'm assuming his father won't let him read.

Lorrie: Chuck, only good boys get cell phones with texting capability. Little David has not been a good boy lately, according to Daddy Dearest.

Chuck: Paula picked Billy Joel's least remembered song. Appropriately enough, I don't remember David A's performance. My notes simply say, “He bends over in pain and the audience mistakes that for emotion. They clap.”

Lorrie: Be happy, Chuck...I will say, for the first time this season, I thought this performance was B-O-R-I-N-G. And as usual, Simon was the only one to speak any truth into the situation with his comment that the performance was "predictable," "good," but not "great."

Chuck: Randy Jackson also said David A's performance was predictable.

Speaking of predictable, Jackson picked If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys for sYESha. In a bold move, sYESha played a tape of Key's singing the song and lip synced. Jackson said it was HAWT!

Lorrie: I agree. There was not one element to this song to differentiate it from Alicia Keys' version- accept that it was performed by a lesser vocalist than Alicia. Here's the deal: I get it- sYESha is a very good singer, and apparently a decent actress. But once again, if you're gonna try to out-Alicia Alicia, you better brang it. And, once again, sYESha just couldn't deliver that tall order.

Chuck: It's difficult to do a song that's so identifiable with the artist, Paula said. Simon was right that she didn't change it up enough to make it different.

David Cook was thrown a curveball when Simon picked “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” by Roberta Flack for the rocker to sing. At least Cowell was trying to get his singer to show the range of his talent.

Lorrie: This is an amazing song and I agree with Simon that it is one of the great songs of all-time. So why does Simon give David Cook an old standard like this, yet dog on sYESha for choosing to sing another old standard- "Fever?" (We'll discuss this later, Y'all. Hang tight)

The answer is simple. David Cook is capable of taking a song that many, many people know and love, and making it fresh. Different. Shiny. New. He can show some originality.

Note to the other contestants- you can't show what you don't have.

Chuck: Simon was right..Cook was the best of that round.

Lorrie: I didn't write Randy's snide comment to David in my notes. However, I wrote this: Randy, shut up. A-hole.

• The Contestants' Pick

Chuck: Since David A.'s father wasn't allowed backstage Archuleta the Younger was forced to read smoke signals his father sent from a burning car on the LA Freeway. Unfortunately, the smoke signal was partially lost in the haze and the young son only caught part of the title “I Only Want to be With You.” Instead of Dusty Springfield, Archuleta sang Chris Brown's “With You.”

I wasn't with him. David One Note will be in the final...and the 14-year-old girls might even vote him the American Idol. If so and he hits the road with his dad, he'll have a life of Amy Winehouse proportion. Not a career. A life.

I won't say he sounded like an Osmond singing Snoop Dogg, but David A learned he should run away from any song that includes the lyric “I need you, Boo.”

Lorrie: There's just something that makes me want to guffaw when I hear David sing anything about "my boo" in a song. He's the whitest white boy around.

Speaking of racist stereotyping, what up, Randy?! He said hearing David sing about "my boo" wasn't believable. How so? David could have a "boo." If his daddy said it was OK, he most certainly could have a "boo."

Chuck: In order to prove she is a hip contestant, sYESha picked Fever by Peggy Lee – a song familiar only to those who need a hip replacement.

Lorrie: Easy... I knew that song.

Chuck: My wife's sole comment on the night: Why couldn't she find a bra that fit that dress?

Lorrie: Here's my sole comment for this performance. What is with sYESha's faux southern accent prior to performing?? It was irritating the crap outta me. And giving me the vapors.

Randy didn't like the performance. Paula was surprised she picked this song and wasn't sure it showed "who sYESha is as an artist." Simon thought she would later regret the choice, because she chose not to prove she's a contemporary artist.

I have news, judges. It doesn't matter what song she chose, Ol' Girl is headed home tonight.

Chuck: David C. sang Switchfoot's song “Dare You to Move.” I dare you to remember the lyrics to that song.

Lorrie: He sounded like he was screaming through parts of this song.

Chuck: This round proved that none of the final three should be allowed to pick their own songs.

• The Producers Pick

Chuck: This is always the segment where the producers attempt to sabotage all except their chosen Idol.

David A. is forced at gunpoint to sing Dan Fogelberg's Longer. I'm just glad Fogelberg didn't live long enough to hear a child sing “Though the binding cracks and the pages start to yellow.” The kid hasn't been alive long enough for Cheetos to spoil, let alone to see pages yellow.

Lorrie: I lost my fascination in Li'l David tonight. I predict this boy is going to have a complete meltdown before he's 21.

Chuck: It's obvious where the producers believe sYESha's talent lies. They gave her a song used in a Wheat Thins commercial. She would have been better off singing Fever again. After all, her hip replacement fans would have forgotten she had already screeched her way through the song.

Lorrie: Eh. It was a'ight.

More surprising than the song was glassy-eyed Paula telling sYESha she doesn't know if it was going to be good enough to get into the finals. Paula isn't supposed to speak the truth! She's supposed to tell contestants what a great job the Glam Squad did with the contestants' hair and makeup each night!

Chuck: David C. sang “I Don't Want to Miss A Thing.” Penned by Diane Warren originally for Celine Dion, and made popular by Aerosmith as the feel good hit from the soundtrack for Armageddon.

At least he tried to mix it up a little.

Lorrie: I thought it was good, but I wasn't blown away. Diane Warren wasn't wretching while he sang it, so I consider that a ringing endorsement.

Who's going home?

Chuck: sYESha and it has nothing to do with talent. She just didn't come across as “warm” when she needed to be.

Lorrie: sYESha, pack those bags!

Wipe Out- More Adventures in Bike Riding

2008-05-09T03:45:00.000-07:00

I don't consider myself a klutz by nature, but I have my moments. And when I do, well, let me just tell you: they are LEGENDARY. And VIEWED BY MANY.

While riding bikes with my husband Saturday afternoon, I had one of my moments. At Lake Hollingsworth. Where, like, 75,368 people walk, jog, skate, drive, etc. per day. Only this day, I'm sure that number was even larger, because I tend to command quite the audience when I mess up.

We were headed downhill on one of those streets between Lake Morton and Lake Hollingsworth. On the downhill headed to Lake Hollingsworth, I realize (too late) that I'm going too fast to make the sharp left-hand turn to get on the bike path.

I hit both my brakes to get things under control again. That did NOT "get things under control." It made my back tire come off the ground and for a nanosecond, I was balancing on my front tire.

Suddenly, my bike had this apparent flash of reality. If bikes could think, I imagine mine was thinking, "Hold up! I'm not a unicycle!"

And at that point, it decided to fling itself onto its side.

I determined I wasn't going down without a fight. I had this Carey Hart moment, where I thought I could ride this thing out. You know, take second, lean back, get the back tire to love Mother Earth once again.

Instead, I went all Cirque de Soleil on the situation- minus the graceful landing. After some weird contortions, I realized there was no getting out of a complete wipe-out. So I surrendered the handle bars, threw out my hands and landed on my hands and knees- all while remaining precariously wrapped around my bike in pretzel fashion. I lost a shoe, scraped my pride and bruised myself pretty darn good. One bruise is shaped like a baby's foot, minus the toes:

American Idol Top Four Results Show Recap

2008-05-08T03:24:00.000-07:00

Chuck: Tonight I decided "no notes." I just let the glory that is American Idol Results Show wash over me.

I need another rinse to get off the soap.

• Paula made sYESha cry by being in tune with her feelings. How saccharin.

• In his short review segment David A again proved the A doesn't stand for Articulate. Lorrie, why don't they end the farce and just let him wear a headset so dad can tell him what to say?

• Listening to the final four sing "Reelin' In the Years" it was painfully obvious David Cook was the best singer of the bunch.

• And that sYESha was second best.

• And that David A has only one dance "move."

• And Jason has none.

• Iron Man is a pretty good movie.

• We learned that a million votes separated first from second, and another million between second and third. That means David Cook had only two million more votes that sYESha. That will make next week's vote very important for David A.

• I fear his dad will rush the stage when David A is voted off.

• Jason was disinterested in performing his swan song. Even the director let it peter out.

• Bo Bice looked back in form after his illness. I'm guessing he did. I had forgotten what he sounded like. Wait, come to think of it. I have already forgotten again.

• Unfortunately, I remember the questions were stupid. No, first kiss questions for Simon. Could we have them line up whoever gave Paula her first drink, and Randy his first opportunity to say "When I worked with...." I am so sure those questions would be interesting.

• Maroon Five is still around?

• Next week they sing three songs each. sYESha will sing "Tomorrow," "Bye, Bye, Birdie" and "The Worst Pies In London." David A is going to sing "Midnight in the Oasis," "Escape (the Pina Colada Song), and "Sexual Healing." David C is going to do a bluegrass version of "Purple Haze," "Black Hole Sun" on kazoo, and an acid rock version of "Puff the Magic Dragon."

See you there.

Lorrie: Wow...no way could I break up those bullets. Great stuff! So here's my two cents tacked onto the end.

I really dislike the choreography the singers have to do on results night. I'll just say a big "ditto" to all of Chuck's related bullets above.

As cute and sweet as David Archuletta is, the whole "Golly, gee, shucks, Ma'am" routine is gettin' on my last nerve. And why is it that when I hear him speak, Kermit the Frog comes to mind?

"Hi ho...David Archuleta here..."

Even my mama, who doesn't watch American Idol, could have predicted that both the Davids would be safe.

Now, can we please talk about the Ford music videos? Let's say it all together, boys and girls:

"Cheeeezeeee."

The Ring of Fire was the worst yet. Why is this fiasco necessary each week?

During lame question time, Jason Castro finally 'fessed up to the dope use- his biggest challenge to overcome was his "brain being dead."

And now we get to guest performances...Maroon 5, it was a'ight.

Bo Bice- here's a little lesson in rock-n-roll, boys and girls. Any time you see one musician in front of two mics...fear the vocoder. Unless it's Peter Frampton in front of said mics. Then, thou shalt rejoice for the vocoder.

Twice in one season with the vocoder. First from a contestant, now from a former contestant. I ask y'all again: could this season get any stranger?!

The most un-shocking revelation of the night. Jason goes home.

Yeehaw! See ya next week!

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Top 4

2008-05-07T04:07:00.000-07:00

Chuck: Last night's episode of American Idol proved one thing: America screwed up when they didn't vote for Carly. Given the opportunity to choose from 500 of the best rock and roll songs ever, the final four stumbled, slipped, coughed and choked.

In the opening tease Ryan Seacrest informed everyone that at some point in the competition three of the remaining four had received the most votes. I'll go out on a limb and claim sYESha is the one never to accomplish that feat.

After last night, one of the contestants may be the first in Idol history to get a negative number of votes, as people called in to ask for their previous votes back.

Never so late in the competition has the Idol audience witnessed such a horrible performance as they did last night. It's almost as though someone tanked on purpose.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's American...Conspiracy Theory!

If you watched last night, you know exactly who I mean. And if you didn't...stay with me a minute. Let's look at the final four and their performances. First off, the robot...

• David A: Stand By Me and Love Me Tender
Come on. If anyone at this point doesn't think that poor kid is programmed, you're not watching with your eyes. We all love little lost puppies, but this is ridiculous. I challenge you to watch a tape of David singing Stand By Me with the sound off. Watch the same robot moves, the same facial expressions, as he has given in almost every performance. With the sound on you'll hear the same earnest delivery, the same vocal gymnastics as he gives every week. David A can sing one kind of song, one kind of way. With 500 songs to choose from, he performed the same one twice last night. He just changed the lyrics.

Lorrie: Chuck, say what you will about David, but I don't see him as the "Johnny One Note" you make him out to be. There are lots of singers out there who have a singular style and continue to be popular. Don't believe me? Allow me to provide examples. John Secada. Michael Bolton. Enrique Iglesias.

This boy has carved out a distinct style. There's something about the way he sings that is identifiable. I'm convinced we could hear him on the radio and right away, we'd know it was him singing.

Now...don't take this the wrong way, but if you don't stop putting down my sweet little David...I'm going to punch you in the nose.

• David C: Hungry Like the Wolf and Baba O'Riley
Chuck: Last night David Cook gave me one of my favorite moments in any Idol season ever. But first I have to ask, "Hungry Like the Wolf? WTF?"

Hearing David pace the stage singing "Do, do, do, do, do, to, do, to, do do" was cringe-worthy at best. Bruce Campbell did a better job with the song.

Lorrie: Good song- when Duran Duran does it- but I didn't hear anything particularly special in it tonight. David's "I-just-swallowed-barbed-wire" rasp in his voice didn't work with this song.

But even though this wasn't an Idol-worthy performance, I have to give David props for evoking the cheeseball comment of the night from- shocker- Paula.

"Your hungry like the wolf rendition leaves me with a big appetite."

Uh, that was my first WTF moment of the night.

Chuck: It was David C's second performance that gave me my favorite Idol moment. In his pre-performance tape he announced he was going to sing the Who's Baba O'Riley.

As the camera went to him live the audience sat in stunned silence. You could practically hear 5,000 minds thinking, "The Who's What???"

Then he sang "Out Here in the Fields" and the cool members of the audience went "Oh!!! That one!" But the majority of the audience still didn't get what song he was singing until the lyric "It's only teenage wasteland!"

That stunned silence was priceless.

Lorrie: It's a beautiful thing when, five words into this song, I had goose bumps and I knew this performance would be great. What an awesome version of a classic rock song.

And thanks again to David, for ushering in the second WTF moment of the night, again with a Paula comment:

"I'm really humbled to sit here and watch your soul."

Wha.....?

• sYESha – Proud Mary and A Change is Gonna Come
Chuck: Each week the judges dun contestants for giving copy-cat performances. You'd get the impression it was worse than flubbing a line. Except last night when Randy and Paula ignored that sYESha had just given a poor Tina Turner impersonation. Simon called it a "bad shrieky"
impersonation. I have to agree with Simon.

Lorrie: sYESha has fallen victim to taking the judges' comments too literally. Since she has been told about how sexy she loooks and how she could be on Broadway, she has become intentional in her song selection by choosing songs that practically require some acting and choreography. Now she's looking for a dramatic flare to everything.

But let me tell you sister- if you're gonna attempt to out-Tina Tina, you had better brang it. And you didn't.

BTW y'all, I did not even have to look at the TV to know that Paula would be out of her seat on this performance. She's like the trusty bobble-head doll. Give her a little tap, and she's bobbin' and weavin' like a drunkard. Wait, I think she is a drunkard...did I just type that out loud?!

Chuck: In her follow up, sYESha went for her Fantasia "Summertime" moment. That's the point in American Idol where Paula is so overcome with emotion that she can't speak and merely stands and claps. She made it, but failed to convince Randy.

Lorrie: I like this song, and I think sYESha has a decent voice, but it just seems that when she sings soulful songs such as this, something's missing. I think it's conviction.

On another note, that girl's lipgloss was poppin' last night.

Paula's comment brought sYESha to tears. Could this show get any stranger? Don't be sad, sYESha. Her comments brings me to tears weekly.

Chuck: Any other week, that would have meant a bot for sYESha, but not when you take into account the "song stylings" of Jason Castro.

• Jason: I Shot the Sherrif and Mr. Tambourine Man
I'll start right out and claim Jason's two performances last night were two of the worst for this season of American Idol. There is only one reason he did that poorly. Jason took a dive. You could see his face as he performed the first song, "This is where I do Howdy Doody sings Bob Marley." And he nailed it.

Lorrie: Oh. My. Lord. That was a funny comment. This performance was painful to watch. First of all, could we be anymore predictable? I get it...Jason Castro...dreads...Bob Marley...dreads. Simon was spot-on when he said the only similarity was the hair.

Chuck: He took all the criticism with a smile as if he was thinking, "I'm four spots past where I should have been. I have a ton on money on my going out this week. This is where Daughtry left. Ah, hell, I just don't care dude."

Then, in his final performance, he forgot one of the easiest Bob Dylan lines to remember. I'll remind you: "In the jingle, jangle morning, I'll come following you." You could see the wheels turning, "That'll seal the deal. I am so out of here!"

Lorrie: I realize this may end our friendship, Chuck, but I hate -HATE- Mr. Tambourine Man. It's hokey and corny and for those two reasons alone, I rejoiced at the idea of Jason Castro singing this song. I wondered, "could this be his ticket home? Finally?!" And yes! My hunch was correct!

Chuck: It seems I've agreed more often than not with Simon this year. I'm going to again. When Simon told Jason to pack his bags, you could almost hear Castro think, "Mission Accomplished."

Lorrie: I think you give Jason the Burn-Out way too much credit for being that methodical in his thinking.

I predict Jason's next performance will be in his own living room. He's outta there. And sYESha, you're next, Sweetie!

Neil Diamond Pretty Amazing Grace Lyrics

2008-05-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

Everyone is combing the Internet looking for the lyrics to "Pretty Amazing Grace," which Neil Diamond sang on American Idol last night. I found them, so I thought I'd share:

Pretty amazing grace is what you showed me
Pretty amazing grace is who you are
I was an empty vessel
You filled me up inside
And with amazing grace
Restored my pride.

Pretty amazing grace is how you saved me
And with amazing grace, reclaimed my heart
Love in the midst of chaos
Calm in the heat of war
Showed with amazing grace
What love was for.

You forgave my insensitivity
And my attempt to then mislead you
You stood beside a wretch like me
And pretty amazing grace was all I needed.

Stumbled inside the doorway of your chapel
Humbled and awed by everything I found
Beauty and love surround me
Freed me from what I feared
Asked for amazing grace
And you a appeared.

You overcame my loss of hope and faith
Gave me a truth I could believe in
You led me to a higher place
Showed your amazing grace
When grace was what I needed.

Look in a mirror I see your refection
Open a book you live on every page
I fall and you're there to lift me
You share every road I climb
And with amazing grace
You ease my mind.

I came to you with empty pockets first
When I returned I was a rich man
Didn't believe love could quench my thirst
But with amazing grace, you showed me that it can.

In your amazing grace I had a vision
From that amazing place, I came to be
Into the night I wandered, wandering aimlessly
Found your amazing grace to comfort me.

Pretty amazing
Pretty amazing
Pretty amazing
Pretty amazing
Pretty amazing
Pretty amazing
Pretty amazing
Pretty amazing

You overcame my loss of hope and faith
Gave me a truth I could believe in
You led me to that higher place
Showed me that love, and truth, and hope, and grace
Were all I needed.

American Idol Top 5 Results Show Recap

2008-05-01T00:30:00.000-07:00

Chuck is proud to present to you the results show with bullets! Lorrie will interject wherever she pleases.

• Seven million extra votes. Neil Diamond has that many fans awake that late?

• Cracklin' Rose with Jason Castro. Dude, alcohol is a depressant.

• Brooke and sYESha sing Song Blue. Well, sYESha forgot to come in.

• Both Davids sing Brother Love better than they did their songs last night.

• My wife: "Jason is cracking up again. Who gave that boy drugs?"

Lorrie: It appeared the group performance of the night had the choreographers pulling from the pages of The Brady Bunch's "Keep On Dancin'" routine. Fo' shizzle! Other than that, the group songs sounded like a (CSX) train wreck tonight. It was gruesome to watch. Yet I did it anyway.

Back to Chuck and his bullets:

• In a break from tradition, the recap doesn't show a mishap - Paula's this time.

• Ryan mentions it and adds, "The rumors are not true, she is part of our family and we love her."

• Jason didn't know any of the songs he sang. I'm shocked!

• Brooke says she reached her happy mode last night. That's code for she broke into Jason's stash.

• Natasha Bedingfield performed. I have an urge to listen to Dusty Springfield.

• Questions again?! At least we get a question that trips up Simon.

• The Ford video is "Green-inspired." Boring. My wife: "low energy indeed."

• Neil Diamond sings "Pretty Amazing Grace." You'll never hear that one on bagpipes.

Lorrie: Or on kazoo.

Back to you and the bullets, Chuck!

• No one sits close the David 2000. Robot haters.

• Brooke starts crying before Ryan reads the results. She gets the results and proceeds to butcher I Am I Said. This whole last song thing is silly.

• Next week is Rock and Roll night. sYESha will sing a Broadway tune, David C will sing a rock version of "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot."

The David 2000 performs Mr. Roboto, and Jason will "change up" the Muppet Show theme into a funeral dirge.

Lorrie: I think Jason resembles Janice from the Muppets. You decide.

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Top 5

2008-04-30T07:06:00.000-07:00

Chuck: Our whole universe was in a hot dense state, Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started. Wait...

The Earth began to cool,
The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools,

We built a wall (we built the pyramids), Math, science, history, unravelling the mysteries, That all started with the big bang!

I get the first word, and my first word is....watch The Big Bang Theory. Thirty minutes of finely crafted, intelligent humor in the Dick van Dyke Show vein.

That said, I'd like to congratulate Lorrie for accurately predicting that sYESha would sing Thank the Lord for the Night Time. And she also predicted three other of the 10 songs sung. Blue, I mixed up David A. & Brooke, who switched the songs I predicted for them.
I figure you've watched the episode or you wouldn't suffer through my half of the column. So, I won't recap the whole hour. Instead, I'll simply ask:

WTF Paula?!!!!

Paula was critiquing songs that hadn't been sung. I'm not saying that in the manner of "Wow, she was so out of it she heard that song differently than I did."

No, I mean she was offering her opinion on songs yet to be performed.

Lorrie: Thank you for saying it first, Chuck! Paula poked her drowsy head out of the pill bottle long enough last night to confirm that she is, in fact smoking, snorting, shooting up whatever she can get her hands on.

Chuck: And later she called sYESha "Brooke."

Cut to the pictures:
Brooke
and sYESha.

Yeah, I can see how Paula Livingston Seagull messed that up.

Next week on American Idol: Intervention!

Lorrie: Or, Celebrity Rehab!

Chuck: Let's look at the final five:

Jason- "Forever in Blue Jeans" and "September Morn"

Simon hated them both, and for good reason. Castro brought nothing new to the table. As Gertrude Stein once wrote, "There is no there there."

He's pleasant enough, but he's lost his way. That said, "Forever in Blue Jeans" was better than "September Borin'"

Lorrie: It makes me feel physcally ill to say this, but I think thought "Forever in Blue Jeans" was a very good song for him.

But "September Morn?" Not so much. Very "Bill-Murray-In-The-Airport-Lounge" on SNL.

Chuck: David C: "I'm Alive" and "All I Really Need is You"

Yet again the smartest performer of the night, Cook sang a pair of songs you've never heard.

When Diamond heard Cook practice them, the Solitary Man said to the producers, "I thought they had to sing one of my songs?"

Cook had to prove to Diamond that he'd written the song by pulling out a copy of Heartlight.

Diamond called his manager and was heard to say, "I ordered all those albums burned! BURNED!"

Lorrie: Both songs were very "Our Lade Peace." Which works for him. Clearly.

Chuck: Brooke "I'm a Believer" and "I Am I Said"

Well, I am not a believer. I would leave her. Oh I've tried, because I thought final three was more or less a given thing. But the more she sang, the less I got. What's the use of continuing, all she'll get is pain. She was sunshine. Now all she is is rain.

There's not a trace of doubt in my mind, she's bottom two.

Bottom two I said. Is no one there? No one at all?

Lorrie: I love how Brooke pulled out her "Juice Newton sings Neil Diamond's song that was done best by The Monkees." Seriously, people...could she have looked any more like Juice last night? It's uncanny!

I seriously did not like this performance. It was like a "Kumbaya" version of this song.

A flash of redemption came with her second performance, but sadly, I must agree with Chuck that she is bringing up the rear on the results show tonight.

Chuck: David A. " Sweet Caroline" and "America "

Not even a chair could hold audience members when they heard the AIBot 2000 sing "Sweet Caroline." Evidently, they were all Red Sox fans.

Editor's note: For the non-baseball fans, the Boston Red Sox play Sweet Caroline during the seventh inning stretch. For comedy fans: it's a bad sign when you explain your jokes. For editor's note fans: you're welcome.

On the boats, and on the planes. That's where I wish I'd been when David sang America. The song was a Cheese Fest in the Mall of America when it was in The Jazz Singer. Years later it's still less beautiful than noise.

Lorrie: Wow...you'd think that my sweet little David A. peed in your cereal bowl. The attacks are getting harsher, you know. And Stage Daddy doesn't like when people dis his little cash cow. You better watch your back, Chuck.

With that said, I'll now take this moment to throw my husband under the bus with you and print his comment regarding David A. last night: "It would just tear me up to have to sit and listen to a whole CD of his songs."

I think David pulled out the Kristie Lee patriot card on his performance of "America." And the stunt didn't go unnoticed by Simon.

Chuck: sYESha -- "Hello Again" and "Thank the Lord for the Night Time"

Maybe I'm crazy. I'm sure I'll get some blame. But I'm putting my heart above my head and I'm calling just to let you know, sYESha was the best of the night. It's time to groove on the way she projects a song she loves. But I fear you won't bring me flowers when I predict she'll be Bottom Two.

Lorrie: sYESha put her Madonna hair on tonight! That gurl has 'stensions, and if I'm lyin' I'm dyin.

On another note, I think there's a secret AI rulebook somewhere that says every singer must perform a song barefoot at some point during the season. Last night was sYESha's turn.

"Hello Again" sounded very "Disney movie soundtrack" to me.

I actually thought she would do a better job of the second song, because it seemed right up her alley. Unfortunately, I think she fell flat.

Chuck: Wow, wait a minute. Maybe Cracklin Paula isn't crazy. If you know what I mean. She mixed up Brooke and sYESha almost as if she knew they'd end up in the Bottom Two. Brooke & sYESha, SYESha and Brooke. Who goes? Let's ask Neil....

As I stood by my window
And I looked out on those
Brooklyn roads
Neil says Brooke hitting the road. Love's on the rocks for poor Brooke.
Her next stop is Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show.
Pack up the babies, and grab the old ladies. I'm headed for the future.
See you next week.

Lorrie: Just to be different, I'm going to go with Jason "Hairball" Castro and Brooke "The Juice" White in the Bottom Two tonight.

Four Truths and One Lie Meme- The Answer

2008-04-28T04:49:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I gave you four true facts about me and one false one. Today, I give you the answer:

The lie was #3- I never learned the ol' soft shoe.

Thanks for playing!

Getting Trashy on the Peace River

2008-04-27T20:11:00.000-07:00

Below: Georgia Caruthers stands in front of bags of trash collected during the Peace River Cleanup.

Below: Shaun, Georgia and Bailey Caruthers relax for a minute during the cleanup.

Steve Partain picks up trash out of the river.

With the help of Keep Polk County Beautiful, we organized a cleanup at the Peace River on Saturday and it was a great success. We had 12 volunteers collect 21 bags of trash from the river and the canoe launch area at S.R. 60 in Bartow, as well as one tire and three chairs.

It was pretty rewarding to survey the area we had cleaned afterward and see it trash-free.

I always like to see the types of people who come out for cleanups. It was refreshing to see that one volunteer, Shaun Caruthers, brought his two daughters, Bailey and Georgia, to participate in the cleanup. What better way to teach your children about taking care of the environment than leading by example? As you can see by the pictures, little Georgia really got into the cleanup. She is muddy because she kept getting out of the canoe to pick up trash along the riverbank.

Heather Allerheiligen and Valerie Lebeau, who live in Winter Haven, volunteered even though they didn't have a canoe or kayak. Heather's e-mail to me expressing her interest in participating said this: "We do not have a boat to contribute but will be willing to help along the banks or onshore, which ever place you need us most. Please let me know if there is anything we can bring or do to help YOU out."

She meant it, too. These two young women picked up every piece of trash they could reach along the banks and in the parking area at the canoe launch. They stacked the filled bags of trash that we collected. They signed in volunteers who showed up after we hit the river. They kept a tally of everything we collected. The event simply wouldn't have run as smoothly as it did if not for them.

Everyone had a great time and indicated an interest in participating in Keep Polk County Beautiful's next Peace River cleanup scheduled for June. KPCB will provide kayaks and canoes for this cleanup, but volunteers who have their own always are encouraged to bring them. That way, we can accommodate more volunteers who want to help, but don't have a kayak or canoe.

I'll share more information on the June cleanup as I get it. Until then, please remember to do your part to keep Polk County beautiful by:

Not littering
Not throwing cigarette butts out your vehicle window
If you see a piece of trash on the ground, pick it up
Recycle what you can
Become a KPCB volunteer

For more information on getting involved with Keep Polk County Beautiful, visit the organization's Web site or call 676-7019

Southeastern Obtains New Facility for International Studies Program in Jerusalem

2008-04-26T00:53:00.000-07:00

Some schools like to set up satellite campuses in nearby cities, such as Tampa, Orlando and Ocala. Southeastern University has gone big-time and waaaaay out with their satellite campus. It's in Jerusalem, baby!

Here's an abbreviated version of their press release on the announcement:

Southeastern has acquired a new facility in West Jerusalem. This dormitory/study center will house the university's new International Studies Program in Jerusalem with classes beginning fall 2008.

The International Studies Program in Jerusalem will build upon Southeastern's solid tradition of Christian education and will emphasize the important role of servant leadership for global influence.

"Our objective is to provide a life-altering experience that will enrich the educational, cultural and spiritual development of our students," said Southeastern President Mark Rutland. "Exposing our students and faculty to such a marvelous opportunity takes them beyond the Lakeland classroom, and into the history of the world and the world conflicts of today. Having our facility, especially such a new, upscale facility, is a dream come true."

Concluding a two-year search to provide the most stimulating opportunity for students to explore and experience the historical background of Christianity, Southeastern will host students at the inaugural semester beginning fall 2008.

The program will be led by Robert W. Houlihan, dean of Southeastern's College of Christian Ministries and Religion. The intrinsic value for the students will be the addition of new courses and components of current courses devoted to ministerial studies, history, archeology, and current events as well as expanded travel opportunities for Southeastern students and faculty to visit the Holy Land for on-site course work, research, and scholarly collaboration with peers.

The Four Truths and One Lie Meme

2008-04-25T07:45:00.000-07:00

Okey dokey, here's the deal: I totally am stealing this from another cool blog I stumbled across. I loved it, and now it's mine. Below are five statements. Can you guess which one is a lie? Mom- you cannot play this game.

I have interviewed Gov. Jeb Bush

I can take an M-16 apart and put it back together again.

I learned soft-shoe as a child.

I have wrecked a car by driving it through a concrete wall.

My favorite coffee drink is a caramel macchiato.

Leave a comment telling me which one you think is a lie. I'll reveal the answer on Monday.

American Idol Top Six Results Show Recap

2008-04-24T00:39:00.000-07:00

Chuck: I hope this was the zenith of this American Idol season. If you need any more proof that AI voters pay less attention to performance than personality, then look to last night's result.

The AI voters failed to step up for Carly Smithson who left the show after one of her strongest performances. Meanwhile, Jason Castro gave one of the weakest performances of the season. Not just his songs, but all of the singers. He stayed. Maybe the audience really wanted to hear him sing "Cracklin' Rosie."

Lorrie: Cracklin' Rosie. You're a hoot, Chuck.

Chuck: The audience also forgave Brooke White for forgetting the lyrics. Something they've not done in past seasons. This year, both David A. and Brooke have survived flubs. Brooke's screw-up came much later in the season. Her fan base must be strong.

Lorrie: Ryan, in true a-hole fashion, just looooves to point out contestants' flaws. Poor, sweet David A. (Note to Chuck- quit calling him "The David 2000") flubbed his lyrics and had to watch it played back for two weeks. Now Brooke is having her start-and-stop-and-start again routine rubbed in her face. And clearly, she does not like the taste of it.

On to the topic of Leona Lewis briefly: why does she have to stand pigeon-toed when she sings?

And now to the Bottom Two: sYESha and Brooke. All I can say is "Holy twists and turns, Batman!" Who would have thought that America would say NO to sYESha after what likely was her best performance of the season?

Parents, please listen to me closely: It is time to take away the cell phones from your tweenage daughters until they can assure you they will stop voting for Jason. Seriously. My patience with that kid is waning, to say the least.

Chuck: I think it is time that AI change the voting procedure. I have a couple of possibilities. 1) At the end of an episode the judges nominate the Bottom Three. Viewers then vote only for those three and the lowest vote-getter goes home. 2) The opposite approach. The voters vote as usual, but the judges decide who goes home from the Bottom Three.

The best part of last night's show was the elimination of the silly question segment.

Lorrie: Amen.

Chuck: Next week Neil Diamond comes to AI. Here's what I predict each will sing:
David A.: I Am I Said
David C. : Solitary Man
sYESha: You Don't Bring Me Flowers
Brooke: Sweet Caroline
Jason: Heartlight (And he'll claim he's never heard of ET) Kidding, he'll sing Song Sung Blue

Lorrie: Ooooh, predicting what they'll sing. This sounds fun. First of all, I predict the silly Ford video or one of the group singalongs will be "America."

David A.: a non-robotic, nicely done version of Hello Again
David C.: a Goo Goo Dolls version of Forever in Bluejeans
sYESha: a gospel version of Thank the Lord for the Night Time
Brooke: a stripped-down, piano-only September Morn
Jason: Crunchy Granola Suite (not because he knows anything about the song, but because he has the munchies from smoking...well...you know...)

Southeastern University Accepted Into the NAIA

2008-04-23T22:16:00.000-07:00

Southeastern University was officially approved for admission into the National Athletic Intercollegiate Association by the NAIA Council of Presidents during the NAIA National Convention on April 13 in Louisville, Ky.

Southeastern could become an active member as soon Fall 2008.

"This is the next logical step in the life of a great university," said Southeastern President Mark Rutland. "As we say around here, 'A rising tide lifts all the boats,' and Southeastern University's athletics boat is definitely rising."

The Southeastern Athletics Department made the announcement during a press conference today at the school's campus.

"This is a historic day for Southeastern," said Southeastern University Athletics Director Duane Aagaard. "The NAIA core values and Champions of Character fit our mission statement as a university very well."

Southeastern has been a non-scholarship athletics program since athletics began at the university back in the early 1950s.

The Fire is an active member of the National Christian College Athletic Association, and it will continue to be a member as Southeastern will have a dual affiliation with the NAIA and the NCCAA.

With its acceptance into the NAIA, Southeastern targets the fall of 2009 as the year the university will begin to give athletic aid to student athletes.

This is yet another feather in Southeastern's cap. Enrollment reached an estimated 3,050 students for the 2007-08 academic year, which set a record for the ninth straight year.

Southeastern is a four-year, coeducational, Christian liberal arts university, accredited to award bachelor’s and master’s degrees. Located in Lakeland, Florida, the university offers 43 undergraduate majors and four graduate programs, and has captured national attention for its rapid growth in enrollment and facilities in recent years.

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Top 6

2008-04-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

Chuck: This was easily an hour of pain for me. I'm just not a fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber. I was so bored. I'm not in a humorous mood. That was an hour of my life I'll never get back. Good thing I was multi-tasking.

Lorrie: I must confess that I'm in the same black mood as you, Chuck. In fact, I was running late getting home from an event last night, so I missed the first two performances. After seeing the rest, I was glad to have missed the first two.

Chuck: I'm going to jump out of order and just present the singers in two groups.
The Bottom Three: Jason, Brooke and David A

Yes, Lorrie. David A. The Bottom Three.

Jason was simply out of his element and didn't have the sense to change a song to fit his personality. In the parley of television criticism, Jason had a "bad trip." My wife felt his song totally missed reminding viewers of Cats, "He could have at least coughed up a hairball." That'll happen when Ryan tells Jason he's going home.

Lorrie: I came in on the judge's comments of this performance and while Paula was prattling on, I could actually feel Simon's disgust toward her through the television.

Chuck: Brooke's fragile waif persona. Wait. Let me start again. Brooke's feet of clay shtick is wearing thin. We get it. You're an amateur. Sally Field can play your mom in your CW series, The Singing Nanny.

She sang "You Must Love Me." I didn't. I liked how upset Paula was that Brooke dared start over when she flubbed the song.

Lorrie: Yeah, Paula was not happy. And that, my friends, made ME happy! This song stunk and sadly, I say Brooke earned her Bottom Three spot this week.

Chuck: The David A. 2000 turned in another flawless, but still, performance. If he was 23 and lived above a dry cleaner, would you love him as much? Can anyone remember what he sang without consulting their notes? Hearing Sir Webber tell David to open his eyes did give me a Penelope Cruz flashback. Speaking of flashbacks, did anyone else think David A's pupils looked like saucers?

The Top Three: sYESha, Carly, and David C.

This could be my new final three choice.

My wife tells me that David C's song was nice. Yeah. If you insist. It was another snooze-fest, but a well-sung snooze fest.

Lorrie: Well, it's a good thing your wife is smart. That WAS a nice song.

Note to readers: Until tonight, it was a little known fact that David C. is a bullfighter in his spare time. He was running late getting to the A.I. show and forgot to remove his sash last night.

Chuck: Then there was Carly. I believe she never planned anything other than Jesus Christ Superstar. She is covering her tattoos and wearing dresses.

Carly has learned a lesson about presentation. The T-shirt she had saved was cute. I wonder if there was a different shirt if Simon didn't like her song?

That leaves us with sYESha. By far she put on the best performance of the night. She does have a personality after all! She owned the stage and the audience. I'd never heard of "One Rock and Roll Too Many," but her acting sold the song.

There you have it. AI's final six sans humor.

Lorrie: Sadly, I must agree with your Bottom Three choices, Chuck. My hope is that Jason Castro goes home tonight.

Make Every Day Earth Day

2008-04-22T13:52:00.000-07:00

I know the title is rather cliche, but perhaps if it keeps getting repeated, we'll all eventually take it to heart. In honor of Earth Day, I'm sharing some of the things I do to make every day Earth Day.

I live inside the Lakeland city limits, where recycling is almost too easy. Here's what goes in my recycling bin each week: glass (clear and colored), steel cans, plastic bottles with a #1 or #2 on them, newspaper, office paper, empty cereal boxes, magazines, basically any fiber that I can tear. I also learned this morning that the 40-pound bags my chicken feed comes in can go in the recycling bins because there's no plastic lining inside them.
I recycle the aluminum on my own because the recycling center is nearby and I get cash for it!
I have a compost bin. All of my non-meat food scraps go in there, as well as shredded paper, leaves and grass clippings, tea bags, coffee grounds and paper towels. Placing these items in a compost bin instead of the garbage greatly reduces the amount of trash I dispose of every week.
I recently attended a Florida Yards & Neighborhoods rain barrel workshop and purchased two rain barrels. Now I can collect up to 110 gallons of water when it rains and use that to wash my car, water my plants, hose off garden tools, and rinse off my dirty feet before I go inside.
I use cloth napkins with meals to cut down on my use of paper towels and napkins.
I cut up old socks and use them as dish rags.
Old T-shirts go into the rag bucket in the workshop.
I hold a little contest with myself every year to see how long I can go without turning on the air in the spring, and how long I can go without turning on the heat in the winter. I open all my windows and as the sun crosses the sky, I close the windows and curtains where the sun will beat in and heat up the house, and vice versa in the fall/winter.
I turn off ceiling fans when I'm not in the room. Fans cool people, not rooms.
I ride my bicycle to run errands as often as I can, so I don't have to use my car. The less I use it, the less harmful stuff I'm putting into the air, and the farther I can stretch my diesel. At $4.11 per gallon, I'm doing this to save money as much as to do right by the environment.
Ziploc bags that I've used and rinsed out are donated to the SPCA, where they can use them to bag dog food and dog treats for foster parents.
Old cell phones, rechargeable batteries and used ink jet cartridges are donated to Keep Polk County Beautiful for recycling. The cell phones and ink cartridges actually generate a bit of income for the organization.
I use canvas or other reusable bags for shopping, rather than plastic bags.
If I buy just a couple of items from a store, I tell the clerk I don't need a bag.
I recycle egg cartons, styrofoam food trays and plastic bags at Publix. This includes the plastic bags The Ledger is delivered in, as well as bread bags, fruit bags, empty cereal bags, etc.
I've replaced about half the light bulbs in my home with Energy Star bulbs that last longer and use less electricity. I'm working on replacing all of them.
I buy some groceries in bulk, and I try not to purchase items that contain excessive packaging. Some food packaging that is particularly irksome to me and I avoid at all costs are the little individual pudding, fruit and jello cups, Lunchables, and anything packaged in microwavable/discardable containers, like chili, soup, mashed potatoes, etc.
I recycle Christmas cards by cutting out the pictures and making new cards with them.
I make my own glass and all-purpose cleaners using more Earth-friendly incredients, such as vinegar, baking soda and ammonia.
When the weather is nice, I hang my clothes on the line to dry, instead of throwing them in the dryer.

Other tips I've learned about that I'm considering implementing:

Place a brick or a half-gallon jug of water in your toilet's tank. This will reduce the amount of water used by the toilet.
When taking a shower, turn off the water while shaving, soaping up or shampooing hair.

Now it's your turn. What are some things you do to be kinder to the environment? Let's share, and maybe we'll all pick up a few new tips.

Happy Earth Day!

Anti-CSX Rally in Munn Park Well-Attended

2008-04-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

I left today's Anti-CSX Rally with one question lingering in my mind: what kind of PR machine does CSX have, that they would basically shut down the trains in the area during the rally?

Seriously, have you ever been in Downtown Lakeland in the middle of the day and not heard a train roll through? Well, you should've been among the 250-300 protestors at the rally today, because you would have heard a glorious sound- no train whistles.

I guess CSX prefers backroom deals to face time on the evening news and in the morning papers, rolling through the background of a rally, giving obnoxiously noisy sound bites as evidence to why the protestors are there in the first place.

I'm going to jump around a bit, but stay with me; there was a lot that was discussed today:

NOT A DONE DEAL
Downtown Lakeland Partnership Executive Director Julie Townsend reminded all in attendance that this CSX deal is not a "done deal." As I mentioned in a previous post, Sen. Paula Dockery reported on Friday that the bill was dead in the Senate. However, there are two more crucial weeks in the session and she must continue to fight until the bitter end to ensure this bill goes nowhere.

What can you do to help her? Write your state elected officials. Let them know that you oppose this deal.

LOST JOBS
John Gaige, who is with the Brotherhood of Railroad Signalmen union, spoke today about jobs that likely will be lost if this deal becomes a reality. Winter Haven officials have thrown out big numbers on job growth in the area that will result from the CSX hub they want built in their city. But what about existing jobs that will be cut andor given to other people as a result of this deal for CSX?The BRS is made up of workers who operate and maintain the critical rail switching systems in Florida. A memo written after a meeting between FDOT and CSX officials mentions that "the FDOT proposal would provide the freedom to undertake the operations and maintenance of the corridor using non-union, contract labor, which would be the most cost-effective and efficient approach."

If that happens, safety surely will suffer, said Gaige, who works on the South Florida Rail corridor. This is highly safety-sensitive work.

"In the name of creating jobs, they're gutting the union jobs of professionals with experience in upholding federal safety standards," he said in a television interview at the rally.

WHO DOES FDOT WORK FOR?
Very powerful lobbyists for CSX are working on state elected officials every day. When Townsend went to Tallahassee recently to speak on the CSX issue, who were Florida Department of Transportation officials sitting with? CSX representatives.

Townsend said it is time to remind FDOT who they work for- taxpayers, not CSX. They are supposed to be considering what's in the best interest of the taxpayers, not CSX.

SWEETHEART DEAL
Here's what happens if this deal goes through:

CSX continues to run freight and collect revenue, while turning over to the state the responsibility of building up the tracks to accommodate increased freight traffic and performing all the maintenance. Oh- and assuming all of the liability, even when CSX is at fault.

CSX Information Presented at Downtown Lakeland Kiwanis Meeting

2008-04-19T03:08:00.000-07:00

Lakeland Director of Community Development Jim Studiale spoke on the CSX project at the Kiwanis meeting yesterday, and I'm glad I was there to hear it.

I'm one of those bloggers who just hasn't wanted to get involved in this topic. Chuck over at Lakeland Local , Josh at Empirical Polk and Billy Townsend at the Tampa Tribune have done a superb job at covering the controversial topic and they seemed to know and understand far more about it than I perhaps cared to know. But to be honest, the more I read of their blogs, the more irritated I got at the fact that this project may very well happen, whether the citizens like it or not. So it was great to get a crash course of sorts on the CSX project yesterday.

Throw in Sen. Paula Dockery's comments at the end, and I was sold on what a railroad job (pun intended) this has turned out to be.

Here are some myths that were busted- again- yesterday:

Myth #1- Train traffic will increase by just 2-4 trains daily.

Currently, 20 trains go through Downtown daily. Improvements to the S Line will make it possible to increase that to 54 trains daily. Sen. Dockery and Studiale both said CSX officials have indicated a desire to put as many trains as possible on that track.

Currently, the trains that roll through Downtown are 1,000 feet long. If the CSX deal goes through, future trains will be as much as two miles long.

Myth #2- Lakeland is opposed to commuter rail.

The city built the Downtown train station with future commuter rail in mind. They certainly didn't sink all of that money into building a nice train station for the four Amtrak trains that used to stop in Lakeland, which has dwindled to two stops today.

Myth #3- The CSX project will bring $40 million per year in taxes to the county.

Railroads have special taxing. This project actually will generate about $437,000 in tax revenue.

Senator Dockery

The good news, according to Dockery, is that as of Friday, this deal is dead in the Senate. The bad news is that there are two weeks left in the session.

This is not a commuter rail project, Dockery said, adding, "This is a freight project to get a subsidy into CSX's pocket."

Dockery's argument is that if they want to do that, they can do it with their own money, not taxpayer dollars. And there's no reason why they shouldn't- CSX is a company whose revenue has risen 12 percent to a record $2.7 billion.

Regarding the infamous liability issue where CSX wants the state to assume all liability for accidents that occur on the tracks- even those caused by CSX- Dockery mentioned that the state would be taking on a company "with a very bad safety record."

Here are some additional facts presented yesterday that I feel are worth repeating:

Lakeland's urban area includes about 255,000 people. Those in favor of this project have drawn a picture of a sleepy little town full of NIMBYs who don't want progress. In fact, Lakeland is the largest city in inland Florida, after Orlando.
Lakeland has managed growth with a Downtown bias. Downtown truly is the heart of the city. Years of work by the CRA has resulted in a thriving downtown community that until recently, only lacked a residential element. Today, renting and owning housing Downtown is a reality. Increased freight traffic will make additional residential opportunities more difficult.
In other cities, Lakeland is heralded for its inner city growth and comprehensive plan. The city recently purchased 16 acres behind the Lakeland Police Department- a severely drug- and prostitution- infested, blighted area- and has plans to bring 500 units to the area. This will not be low-income housing.
Lakeland's Citrus Connection bus system increases in ridership every year. Last year, it increased by 36 percent. Because of the bus station's location near the S Line, increased train traffic will make it impossible for buses to remain on time. This will jeopardize ridership, because people will not use the buses to get to work or appointments if it's going to take an inordinate amount of time to get from Point A to Point B, or if they can't be reasonably assured that the bus will arrive on time.

As a voter and a resident of Lakeland, I don't want this raw deal to be spoon-fed to Lakeland residents. On Monday, April 21, the Downtown Lakeland Partnership will hold the Anti-CSX Rally in Munn Park. People will begin gathering at noon and speakers will take the stage at 12:30 p.m.

For more information, contact DLP Executive Director Julie Townsend: 863-513-3669.

American Idol Top Seven Results Show Recap

2008-04-17T06:13:00.000-07:00

Chuck: This is Lorrie's week. For my part, I'm going to try to make sure the column isn't longer than the results show. So, I'm going to go all Sgt.
Joe Friday on y'all....

Lorrie: OK...first it was your mention of the vapors and now it's "y'all." If you can use "fixin'" properly in a sentence, I'm going to make you an honorary southerner.

Now back to Chuck's Dragnet version of the results:

• Was that Courtney Love or Tori Spelling in the audience?

• Carly has performance anxiety. She always sounds better on the results show.

• Simon believes Carly is potentially great. If she doesn't fall apart, that is.

• With the commercial this week Ford clues everyone in to the robotic David A.

• The AI producers continue the annual "three to a side...which side is safe?" game. It is as boring this year as before. But looks better when compared to the idiotic questions segment.

• David A. sits down rather than pick a side that is safe. Bo Bice did that first. Maybe that's a sign David A. will last as far as Bice did?

• No matter how much Ryan tried to coax David A. over to the safe side he refused to listen. Worse, Ryan had to specifically tell Carly she was safe before she understood. No album entitled "E=MC2" for that woman.

• Simon gives Kristy Lee a wink just before she sings.

• the stories you've just read are true. Only my name has been changed to protect the innocent.

I'm tacking my comments on to the bottom because A) I didn't want to ruin Chuck's Joe Friday routine and B) I'm a babbling brook. There's NO WAY I could be that succinct.

First of all, I wish I had written this last week, because I would look like a genious at this point: I knew that tonight would be the night where AI contestants were split into groups. I knew the seventh person would be told to go stand with the group they think they should be in. Secondly, I knew whoever that was, they would go all Bo Bice on the place and not follow instructions.

True to form, the audience of trained seals begins clapping loudly when Jason Castro is told to stand at a point on the stage. Meanwhile, I scream at the TV, "You don't even know whether that's going to be the group of Top Three or Bottom Three contestants!!!"

I get nervous in the beginning when Ryan sends Kristy Lee Cook to stand beside David Cook. Oh. My. God. Is she safe again?!

In case you doubted the coolness that is David Cook, let me remind everyone that Elliot Yamin took a page from David's cool book by writing on his hand "We miss you Mom."

If that's not a sign that David C. might win this thing...well...I don't know what is.

sYESha has Sanjaya hair tonight.

Meghan, one of the most annoying callers is this train wreck part of the results show, spends her question time sending shouts out to all of her friends. People, have we not learned yet that this is NOT WORKING?

OMG...David Cook says he's single. Chuck, I may not be able to blog next week, as I will be planning my stalker attack on David.

Mariah Carey takes the stage to promote her "E=MC2" album. I honestly don't think Mariah could sing if her hands were tied behind her back. I almost wonder if she's doing sign language to David Cook: "Meet me backstage after the show. I want to sing 'Always Be My Baby' to you while I brush your hair back with my fingers and uncover that bald patch."

David Archuleta, who is wearing his Michael Jackson leather jacket, breaks into a moon walk while singing "Beat It" instead of honoring Ryan's request to pick which group he should be in.

In an effort to drag this out even longer than he needs to, Ryan plays a round of Red Rover and has the Bottom Three send David Cook on over.

Well, well, well...Kristy Lee is in the Bottom Three. Color me surprised! Thank you, America!!! Kristy Lee is FINALLY outta there!!!

See y'all next week.

P.S. Y'all have no idea how much restraint I used in not gloating that I picked the Bottom Three spot on last night!

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Top 7

2008-04-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

Chuck: I sit here Wednesday morning, writing a column I usually find so easy, and now so difficult. I knew there was going to be trouble when I heard the mentor this week was Mariah Carey. How could these music fledglings cover the genius that is Carey?

After the show I realized only technology, and the blithe human spirit could guide members of the AI 7 to the stratosphere. Yeah. They didn't make it for the most part.

Lorrie: I love how Ryan took the opportunity at the beginning of the show to remind America that Michael Johns was made an example of to encourage tweenie-boppers to text and phone in their votes this week. It's an unofficial rule that American Idol contestants must receive more votes than presidential candidates.

I'm with you on the whole Mariah Carey thing, Chuck. Funny how contestants get flack for picking the Mariah and Whitney songs each, yet they make it Mariah Carey week on the Idol. Can you say "set 'em up for failure?"

Chuck: My first thought on seeing the AI7 come on stage was that they were all dressed for a mandatory corporate dinner party. They wore every shade of grey in the rainbow.

My second thought on last night's show, "I wonder what Lorrie thinks of the choke collar MC has on her dog?"

Speaking of David Archuleta, he went into sYESha territory this week and took a song made by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. He was correct when he stated he wasn't worthy to sing "When You Believe." But, thank God, few are.

Lorrie: David must've sassed his (stage) dad tonight. I can hear it now: "No, Dad! I will wear those black leather pants tonight! I want to wear grown-up rock star clothes!"

Chuck: He put in the performance he has every week since his flub. I've checked the tapes of each episode, and if you look closely, each week he makes the same movements and his lips form the same words no matter what sounds we hear. David Archuleta is a robot!

When he blows a gasket and attacks Ryan Seacrest like a rabid dog, remember you read it here first.

He's not going anywhere this week. The phone system recognizes a fellow electronic being and has fallen in love with him. Half the calls for Jason Castro are being directed to David A. by the love-mad system.

By the way, David A's announcement that he ate was merely to throw you off catching him replacing circuit boards. Robot. Remember. Here first.

Now on to Carly "Don't Call Me Mariah" Smithson, singing "Without You."

Chuck: Carly peaked Week Two. Her nerves are frayed and the dress with sleeves isn't going to save her from certain elimination. Yes, after that lackluster performance of the "classic" Without You, even the "Voting for a Foreigner" fans freed by Michael Johns' departure didn't vote for her. Bottom Three performance.

Lorrie: She has the kind of maturity in her voice that can carry off a song like this, but I still found myself biting my nails during this performance because I was so worried she might F it up. She didn't suck. That's all I can say.

sYESha "The Python" Mercado- "Vanishing"

Chuck: Did anyone notice that of all the AI 7, Mariah Carey failed to hug sYESha? The AI singer gave us more vocal gymnastics than feeling with Vanishing. But, I will tell you she played to the camera better than anyone this week.

Lorrie: I'll say. I expected her jaw to become unhinged at any moment, she was opening her mouth so big.

On a side note, I get so sick of hearing her say "Oh Lawd" all the time. It was cute the first time. Now I want to snatch a fistful of her hair out when she says it.

Brooke "Glitter" White- "Hero."

Chuck: Brooke White, upset she was unable to create a lifesize cardboard cutout of herself, decided to punish America with "Hero." Paula liked it. At least I think that was what she was showing by rocking like a child who needs to pee and can't get the teacher's attention.

Brooke again gets the Miss Congeniality award as she thanks the judges for every comment, and personally writes a thank-you note to each audience member who clapped after her song.

Lorrie: I think Brooke was channeling Mariah's movie that bombed when she chose her outfit tonight. Let's hope the song is better than Glitter was.

I liked this version. I think she made it distinct to her voice. I love how often she sings with just her piano accompanying her. Oh, I had to type it. As soon as I said that, she missed a note on her piano and it tripped her up a bit with her singing.

Kristy Lee "Sorry Lorrie, I'm Still Here" Cook- "Forever."

Chuck: Kristy Lee Cook sang Forever, and, wait for it, keep waiting, wait just a bit more, it seemed like her song took forever to finish. (Saw that coming didn't you?) I was more impressed by the glitter she put in the corners of her eyes to make it appear she was crying.

This morning I can't remember her performance. Even so, that's better than the bad performance Carly gave us.

Lorrie: She looked like she was wearing a Barbie wig tonight. Those low notes barely registered. When I hear this song, I think this must be what 1950s proms must've sounded like.

Here we go again with Paula- "uh-eh-ih-oh-uh-uh-uh..." Please! Shut! Up!

David Cook- "Always Be My Baby"

Chuck: David Cook proved he was the smartest singer on the show by making "Always Be My Baby" his own. Pretty and haunting it was easily the best performance of the night. He'll get teen girl votes after he cried like an emo cutting onions in August.

Lorrie: That. Was funny.

Chuck: Randy gave David C. a standing ovation. That lost the AI singer 100 votes right there.

Lorrie: David has a real talent at taking the most bubblegum song in the world and giving it an edgy, grunge sound. This definitely did not suck. It reminded me of a Goo Goo Dolls song for a movie soundtrack.

I think if there was an award for the contestant who makes the songs their own the best, David would win it.

Jason Castro- "I Don't Want to Cry."

Chuck: Finally, Jason Castro's Caribbean take on "I Don't Want to Cry" provided a nice follow-up to David "I'll Cry for Votes" Cook. The song had, surprise, a nice laid back feel. Not the best of the night, but certainly above the women and robots of the show.

Lorrie: I like the different sound of this song. He did a lot of singing out of the side of his mouth tonight.

What?! Simon loved the song? I'm amazed.

Chuck's Top Three: David Cook, Jason Castro, and a robot to be named later.

Lorrie's Top Three: David Cook, Brooke White and....let's see....I'll go with the Robot, too.

Chuck's Bottom Three: sYESha, Brooke, and Carly. I'm again predicting that Carly goes home.

Lorrie's Bottom Three: Kristy Lee Cook, Carly Smithson and sYESha. I'm again- AGAIN- predicting that Kristy Lee goes home. Don't let me down, America.

Here's A Reason to Get Out of the House Thursday Night

2008-04-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

I just learned this week that Southeastern University is hosting a benefit concert for Keep Polk County Beautiful at its campus this Thursday at 7 p.m.

The great working relationship between KPCB and Southeastern University goes back for years. Southeastern, which focuses on teaching its students the value of servant leadership, holds a week of events each fall for incoming freshmen. During that week, one day is dedicated to putting the concept of servant leadership into action. Historically, event organizers have looked to KPCB to assist in pulling off this massive volunteer event that involves more than 600 students descending upon a community and picking up litter, painting, helping the elderly with yardwork, or whatever else needs to be done.

It's awesome that Southeastern is interested in doing something for KPCB in the way of a fundraiser so that this worthy organization can continue its good work.

Tickets to the show featuring Relo and Josh Varnadore are $5 at entry and proceeds will be donated to Keep Polk County Beautiful.

This concert, which will be held next to the school’s baseball field, is open to the public.

Southeastern University is located at 1000 Longfellow Blvd. For more information, call 863-667-5000.

Here's some information about Keep Polk County Beautiful: It is a 501c3 non-profit organization, and is an affiliate of Keep America Beautiful, Inc.

Created in 1994 and certified by Keep America Beautiful, Inc. in 1996, this organization works with civic, business, government, educational and community groups across the county to improve the aesthetic and ecological value of our communities through litter control and prevention, beautification, waste reduction, recycling and proper handling and disposal of solid waste.

Its mission is to empower individuals to take greater responsibility for enhancing their community environment.

Join Us for the Peace River Cleanup April 26

2008-04-15T11:31:00.000-07:00

Great news! Since posting about our recent experience on the Peace River, I've been successful in putting together an impromptu cleanup on Saturday, April 26, 2008, from 9 a.m. until Noon. We will meet at the canoe launch on S.R. 60 in Bartow at 9 a.m.

Keep Polk County Beautiful will provide the trash bags, gloves, litter grabbers and water for the volunteers.

Daryl Stewart with the City of Bartow has agreed to provide a dumpster at the location so we can properly dispose of all the trash we collect.

The Polk County Sheriff's Office Environmental Crimes Unit will be on the river in their Go Devil to provide a safety briefing and to assist in getting collected trash up-river to the dumpster.

Finally and most importantly, I've already received e-mails from about six people who want to volunteer that morning.

To quote a line from Almost Famous, "It's all happening!"

If you have a jon boat, canoe or kayak and would like to help clean what we can of the Peace River on the 26th, please e-mail me by 5 p.m. on Monday, April 21: lorrie@lorriewalker.com. I will pick up the supplies on April 22.

Thank you to everyone who's agreed to volunteer so far, and thank you to KPCB, the Sheriff's Office and the City of Bartow for helping make this happen.

Declaring War on the Peace River

2008-04-13T15:22:00.000-07:00

It's time that war was declared on the Peace River. War against littering, that is. Mike and I took our kayaks to the Peace on Saturday and put in at the S.R. 60 launch in Bartow. The river is surprisingly high right now, but unfortunately, along with the increased water, the recent rains brought an excessive amount of litter with it. Both sides of the river around the S.R. 60 overpass are clogged with this (click on photos for enlarged images):

And this:

We kayaked south and within 5 minutes of paddling, we encountered this:

And this:
This mass of weeds and trash spanned the entire width of the river and made navigating through it impossible. Among the many items floating in the river was a cooler with the lid missing. I picked it out of the water and filled it with as much trash as it would hold. Sadly, I made hardly a dent in the trash pile. But Mike and I have determined to return to the Peace and do what we can to help clean up this hideous sight.

We can't do it alone, though. This trash will be no match for just two people. So I'm asking my greenies, my bunny-hugging, environment-loving readers, to join us in a clean-up on April 26.

I have not the first detail yet, but I will spend the next week planning this and making it happen. If you have a jon boat, a canoe or kayaks, we need you! If you don't have any of these, but are willing to pick up trash along the river banks, we need you! If you can't assist in a clean-up, but would like to come serve water and snacks to the volunteers, we need you! If you can't do any of the above on April 26, but want to help do what you can to make the ENTIRE Peace River look like this:

Please consider a tax-deductible donation to Keep Polk County Beautiful, which has been working to educate children and adults on the importance of litter prevention, waste reduction and recycling for more than 12 years. Additionally, they still mobilize volunteers for good, old-fashioned clean-ups. Your donations can help pay for clean-up supplies, as well as water and snacks for the volunteers.

Another way you can help in the litter-prevention effort is to do your part to put litter in its place each and every day. Teach your children and the children in your neighborhoods not to litter. If you see a piece of litter, pick it up! Every piece of litter that gets properly disposed of is a piece of litter that won't end up in our beautiful lakes and rivers. Please don't make me break into "This Land is Your Land." But, if it'll get you to join us in the clean-up, I might be persuaded to sing a verse of it or two!

So here's the deal: if you want to help, please e-mail me at Lorrie@lorriewalker.com. I'll be in touch with more details later this week.

American Idol Results- And Then There Were Seven

2008-04-11T00:16:00.000-07:00

Chuck: It's 1 a.m. and I'm sitting here on the veranda, sipping a sweet tea*, still in shock America voted off such a fine Southern boy as Michael Johns. And don't try to tell me Michael isn't Southern. If Australia isn't the Super Deep South then hounds don't hunt penguins South of Sydney.**

This show was a roller coaster from that first inspirational song by Up With People! to Ryan's final gut wrenching, knife-twisting, comment.

Lorrie: I found it pleasantly refreshing that the A.I. group sang Shout to the Lord not once, but twice this week. I felt like I was sitting front and center in Family Worship Center. It's like they're tryin' to have a revival up in there! Is this an A.I. first?

Chuck: Lorrie, I have four questions. Who were the C- celebrities in that silly video? Why couldn't Kobe Bryant skip wearing a band aid for the video shoot? Why did Mr. Clean threaten to knock down my door if I didn't contribute to Idol Gives Back? Who writes John McCain's comedy bits and would he or she polish up these columns?

Lorrie: My answers are as follows: I have no clue, because he's emulating Nelly, because he thinks you're a wussy, and I've been told it's Congressman Adam Putnam and he recently graciously agreed to polish up these columns for a small donation to the Republican Party. (Lorrie pauses while Chuck gets out his checkbook)

Chuck: As I predicted, Carly and sYESha were in the bottom three. We don't know who was second-to-last since AI didn't mention anything other than Michael was last.

Carly did acknowledge my prediction she'd be bumped off the show. She held her hand up when Ryan asked who would have the lowest vote total. Her "Nooooo" when Michael was announced was loud enough to pull that sound tech back on stage for a refit.

Lorrie: Chuck, for the last time, Carly is not communicating with you through the television, you silly goose. And for crying out loud, wash off that magic marker half-sleeve. No one is buying that you have a tattoo.

I conducted extensive research and learned why Kristy Lee is eeking by week after agonizing week: votefortheworst.com is encouraging the rednecks to vote for her.

Regarding the Chris Brown/Jordin Sparks performance...who is Jordin Sparks again? I'm sorry. That's mean. It's just that I fear she will be out of a record deal soon. That seems to be the trend for more than half of the American Idols.

Regarding Ryan's comments to Jordin after the performance: he just acts like a straight-up dork sometimes. And that makes me want to kick him in the shin.

Chuck: The highlight of the show was Ryan teasing Michael Johns with a pardon before pulling the switch. He mentioned last year that on Idol Gives Back week no one was eliminated. Then he smiled and added, "Tonight we're going to say goodbye to Michael."

Even after being voted off Michael wanted to argue with Simon that his song choice was correct. Southern boys never give up the fight.

My only hope is next week we'll continue seeing people voted off who had never previously made the bottom three. Y'all hear that David Archuleta?

Lorrie: You hush up about Li'l Cutie before I kick you in the shin!

I think Michael was the sacrificial lamb of the show this week. My theory is the A.I. producers pull a stunt like this on purpose as a wake-up call to the fans. Next week, I predict there will be yet another record set with the number of votes.

As his last hoorah, Michael "Shields and Yarnell" Johns' final pantomime performance will be his being-dragged-offstage-by-a-hook routine while mouthing the words "The South's Gonna Rise Again!"

Y'all come back next week, when hilarity and mayhem ensue!

* -- Don't question my Southern heritage.
** -- If you don't understand a Southern homily, don't embarrass
yourself by asking.

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Top Eight

2008-04-09T03:31:00.000-07:00

Chuck would like to thank his mother. Without her inspiration he wouldn't be here today. From what he's heard, his father also had a bit to do with it.

On that inspiring note...this is your....

Chuck and Lorrie Show.

• Michael "Shields & Yarnell" Johns- Dream On

Chuck:

Sing with me, sing for the year Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears Sing with me, if it's just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away

Not this week Michael. You'll live on for another day even though you sounded like Screech once or twice.

Lorrie: Michael Johns is up first tonight and judging by his outfit, he will be performing pantomime during the commercial break.

I always have liked Dream On by Aerosmith. Michael did a respectable job, but those high notes are reminiscent, once again, of someone's private parts being caught in a vice.

Chuck: The Faint Praise Award of the week goes to Paula for suggesting her dogs would like Michael's performance.

Lorrie: Speaking of Paula, her breasts look as though they are struggling for air in that dress. And, I haven't mentioned this before, but Paula's voice reminds me of someone who just sucked on a helium balloon.

Chuck: Michael spends precious time explaining why he picked the song. The AI singers evidently have been told to talk back to the judges. Except for David A. who has been taught never to talk back.

Lorrie: We cut to a commercial as Michael begins his "stuck in a box" routine.

• sYESha "Call Me Whitney" Mercado - I Believe

Chuck: In an effort to soften sYESha we learn the only person to "get her" was Ramiele. I don't thing hitching your star to last week's news is a good idea. But what do I know? I think sYESha should have done this version of I Will Always Love You

Lorrie: Oh. My. Gosh. That is the best version of I Will Always Love You I've ever heard. Ever.

Chuck: This week sYESha sang a song written for American Idol. Literally. Fantasia
Barrino's "I Believe". It has that AI Kick &copy . Start slow and kick up the volume and tempo to make the audience react.

Lorrie: Be right back...my water glass just broke when she hit that high note.

Chuck: Since SYESha doesn't seem to connect with the audience she relies on proving her skill. This time with a "Is it Live or Is it Memorex" moment. Paula's dogs are now traumatized.

I can see it in the stars across the sky Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before Now I finally realize You see I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive And finally yeah

This is not sYESha's moment. Bottom Three performance.

Lorrie: Here's a shocker, I find myself disagreeing with Paula tonight. I don't think sYESha made this song her own. Well, unless "making it your own" means singing a substandard version of the original.

• Jason "Ukelele" Castro- Over the Rainbow

Chuck: Jason learned from David Cook's mistake and immediately made sure everyone knew he was doing Israel Kamakawiwo'ole' version of Over the Rainbow

No stoner jokes tonight. Jason lit up the audience. The kid left Paula dazed. Randy was trippin! Simon was, well, dazed.

Top Three Performance

Lorrie: Chuck, you're an idiot.

Just kidding. I've wanted to say that all season, since you can't type back. hee hee

But seriously, did you get into Jason's stash during the commercial break?! This performance had me working hard not to laugh. Ukeleles make me giggle. There's just something about an adult playing such a tiny instrument that I find funny.

As for the overall performance, it was just a'ight fuh me, dawg. I think the judges are getting kickbacks from votefortheworst.com. I can't believe that they liked Jason as much as they did.

Chuck: • Meat Loaf admits his career is over with his Go Phone commercial

Lorrie: I liked that commercial.

• Kristy Lee "Kung Fu" Cook- Anyway

Chuck: If you're reading this column while running on your treadmill, or while driving, please stop. Thanks.

Kristy Lee turned in a performance that doesn't deserve her expected position in the bottom three.

You can pour your soul out singin' A song you believe in That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang Sing it anyway Yeah sing it anyway

Yes, she pandered by singing Martina McBride's Anyway just to sing that stanza. However, she returned to her fighting stance to put in a middle of the pack performance.

Lorrie: Ah, the fighting stance...

Singing a Martina song is, in the country music genre, like singing a Whitney or Celine song in the pop music genre. You better bring- or brang- it, or you're gonna fall waaay short of the original. I think Kristy Lee did not a brang it.

• David "Pompous" Cook - Innocent

Chuck: Look, we know he's hip. He listens to music you and I don't. A song by Our Lady Peace?

And while he wishes he could escape this But it all seems so contagious Not to be yourself and faceless And a song that has no soul

Lorrie: Shoot...I really didn't like this performance. The low notes had me furrowing my brow.

Chuck: David was quite the showman tonight. Pointing to the sky like Blake Lewis used to do and writing "Give Back" on his hand. (Which was Simon's favorite part of a performance he found "pompous.")

David C. had an off night but he'll survive.

Lorrie: Nice touch with the "give back" on his palm. That will earn him the "cool" vote tonight.

I agree with Randy this wasn't his strongest night. Simon didn't like it either. He thinks it's a "teensy" bit pompous. Again, it's so funny to hear those words coming from Simon's mouth.

Overall, not my favorite performance, but I really think David Cook might win this whole thing, y'all. Love, love, love the jacket!

• Carly "Shamrock" Smithson - Show Must Go On

Chuck: When she mentioned this was her song I hoped she was going to sing Three Dog Night's song, not the one by Queen.

I'll top the bill!
I'll overkill!
I have to find the will to carry on!
On with the,
On with the show!

As I watched Carly sing I thought "Why must inspiration be so damn depressing?" Since her Spanxs night she has been faltering. I wondered if having Luke Menard in her "family and friends" is an "occurrence of dire portent."

Bottom Three Performance

Lorrie: Going into this performance, I was thinking, "That's a tall song, Little Missy. I hope you can stick it!"

I think she did a good job, even on a song that is not one of my personal favorites. She has the voice to tackle a big song like this.

Here's my Paula moment: Carly looks great tonight! I like that shirt.

Randy "Pitchy" Jackson. Again with the pitchy.

The judges don't feel connected tonight. I think Simon brought up a good point that the song was a bit of an angry performance.

• David "Li'l Cutie"Archuleta - Angels

Chuck: Tell me the AI directors don't try to manipulate the audience. They show him before the commercial with every 14-year-old girl they could find in the crowd.

Lorrie: It's funny how, when David hit the high note, all the girls in the front row looked like seals flapping their flippers in unison. Hey, wait a minute- they're A.I. trained seals! They are trained to wave their hands and clap on command! I get it!

Chuck: This isn't the first time David A. has performed Angels. In his intro he mentioned "the light at the end of the tunnel."

wherever it may take me
I know that life wont break me
when I come to call she wont forsake me
I’m loving angels instead

I know Lorrie likes this guy, but he is Johnny One-Note for me. Every week we have the earnest inspirational power ballad. Where is the variety? However, he'll go on. After all, 14 million teen girls can't be wrong.

(Davy Jones, David Cassidy, Bobby Sherman, Leif Garrett , Shaun Cassidy)

Lorrie: Excuse me while I take a moment to swoon at the thought of Shaun Cassidy.

Chuck: Paula seemed concerned that David A. wasn't getting enough sleep. The creepy moment of the night was when the director cut to an eight year-old girl holding a sign that read "Lick Those Lips."

Lorrie: Chuck! That sign creeped me out! Just what did that mean, anyway?!

I liked this performance. I think it was my favorite.

• Brooke "Vapors" White- You've Got a Friend

Chuck: Man did she seem fragile tonight. From the moment she took the stage she seemed on the verge of getting the vapors.

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again

Lorrie: LOL at the vapors. Chuck, are you sure you aren't southern?

Brooke tried bringin' the flower power tonight, but I'm with you, Chuck, she looked like she lost her little puppy through the whole performance.

Chuck's Bottom Three: SYESha and Carly belong in the Bottom Three tonight. They'll be joined by Kristy Lee though she doesn't deserve the honor. And in a surprise to those left reading, I predict Carly will go home Thursday night.

Lorrie's Bottom Three: sYESsha, Kristy Lee and Brooke. And I'm not apologizing for picking Kristy Lee again. After all, she has her own sign for her Bottom Three chair. Plus, I am putting her there for all of her past trangressions. Not very Christian of me, but I'll deal with that.

sYESha will go home.

Hazel Haley Dead at 91

2008-04-08T05:24:00.000-07:00

It's a sad day in Lakeland, folks. The Ledger has reported that Hazel Haley, beloved English teacher to thousands of Lakeland High School students, died Monday.

This dynamo taught school for 69 years, a record that I can't imagine will ever be broken.

You can read all the specifics of her life and death at the linked Ledger article above, but I have a fond memory of Ms. Haley that I want to share.

I was a reporter at The Ledger and was assigned a reaction story on Barbara Walters' Monica Lewinsky interview- her first since the world had learned of her trysts with President Bill Clinton. I was asked to contact several people in the community. One of the editors suggested I call Hazel Haley.

I called her and asked if she would watch the interview that evening and I would call her afterward for comments. She told me no. I don't remember the direct quote, but it went something like this:

"There's a special on PBS tonight about castles in England, so I'll be watching that. I can always see Monica Lewinsky on TV, but it's not every day you get to see a show about English castles."

I burst into laughter. It was the best denial for an interview I've ever received.

Ms. Haley loved to travel, especially to England.

The last time I saw Ms. Haley was last year at a Lakeland High School football game. I didn't speak to her- I just admired her from a distance.

I'm not from Lakeland originally and didn't have Ms. Haley as a teacher, but her reputation reached far beyond the LHS walls. Although it was just once, I'm grateful for the chance to have spoken to such a legend.

Are Southeastern University and Florida Southern College One and the Same?

2008-04-05T06:00:00.001-07:00

I'm confused. This morning's Ledger features a prominent photo of Mark and Alison Rutland on the front of the Local section. On the surface, I'm happy because I know that Southeastern University often has felt as though they didn't get the same media attention from The Ledger as the more popular Florida Southern College.

A closer look, and I see that Florida Southern has dedicated a new butterfly garden. And I remark to my husband, "Boy, I bet Ann Kerr is hoppin' mad that her school's butterfly garden dedication is marked with a huge photo of Southeastern's president and his wife."

I read on, and suddenly I recognize this butterfly garden. It's at Southeastern, not Florida Southern.

What the heck happened here?! Someone at The Ledger got it COMPLETELY wrong today. This butterfly garden dedication was at Southeastern University. Mark Rutland is the president of Southeastern University, not Florida Southern. How embarrassing. And frustrating.

Then I look at the article at the top of the page. Prominently displayed is news of a Southeastern student suing the school. It's got to be aggravating for Southeastern to see The Ledger get the name right when it's bad news being reported, and then when it comes to good news, it's erroneously attributed to Florida Southern.

I'm sure that tomorrow will bring a tiny correction in the Local section about the mess-up. Something tells me that will be small consolation for Southeastern University.

Update: As predicted, the correction ran on Sunday.

Keep Polk County Beautiful Wants Your Tires- And Your Dollar Bills

2008-04-04T04:19:00.000-07:00

Chuck over at Lakeland Local published a post this week about the county's upcoming Hazardous Waste recycling event that will be held tomorrow, April 5 from 9 a.m. until 1 p.m. in Lakeland.

I'm adding some juicy information. Now keep in mind that blogging is simply gossip, according to esteemed City of Winter Haven Spokeswoman Joy "The Rumor Stops Here" Townsend, but this information is accurate:

In conjunction with the Hazardous Waste collection event, Keep Polk County Beautiful is hosting a tire recycling event at the same location: 3241 Lakeland Hills Boulevard in Lakeland.

Residents- read: NOT TIRE BUSINESSES- are invited to dispose of up to 10 regular-sized vehicle tires that are off the rims. By regular sized, I mean something that comes off of the average car, truck, wheelbarrow, lawn mower, bicycle, etc. Do not bring your bulldozer tires, your semi-truck tires or your monster mudders. These tires fill up the containers quickly.

Also, feel free to bring old cell phones and computer ink cartridges for KPCB to recycle.

Finally, this is a personal request: if you plan to dispose of any items during this free event, I ask that you bring a $1 bill to donate to Keep Polk County Beautiful.

This organization nearly had its county funding cut this year, due to necessary budget adjustments. The funding came through at the last minute, but as a member of the KPCB board of directors, I know it is a strong reality that the county may not be able to fund this worthwhile organization next fiscal year.

Keep Polk County Beautiful comes into contact with more than 100,000 volunteers and program participants each year. If each person would donate just $1, KPCB would not need county funding to continue the excellent work it does each day.

Let me put this into perspective: if you were to pay to dispose of your own tires at the Polk County landfill, you would be required to pay a fee PER TIRE. I'm just suggesting that you pay $1. Period.

I hope Polk County residents will come out and participate in this event on Saturday. Don't forget your dollar bill!

American Idol- Results

2008-04-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

Work is getting in the way of my A.I. blogging today. Sorry! -Lorrie

Chuck: The worst part of the results show is the AI producers dragging out who was voted off.

Ramiele.

There. That's out of the way.

• Everly, Rightous, Hudson, Joyce, Jonas, Johnson, and now the Clark.

What are Brothers?

They weren't too bad if you like Christian Speed Metal.

• Dolly Parton is older than my Great Aunt Daisy was when I was my
daughter's age. Forget singing, I'm amazed she can still stand up for
three minutes.

At this point, Lorrie just thought "I was always amazed she could stand up."

• I'm calling to ask a question next week. Can you see it up on the
big screen behind Ryan.

Chuck, 29, Lakeland Florida
with a question for the American Idol producers

"Other than this question segment, what was the dumbest idea you've had
for American Idol?"

• Next week when she is in the Bottom Three, Kristy Lee with get
searched by an American Idol flunkie to make sure the "entertainer"
doesn't bring any props on stage.

• I predict that Michael Johns will be in the next Bottom Three.
No, I don't need to see the songs. I swear the falsely endangered person
is not the one with the third lowest votes. They are simply in the
Bottom Three to get face time and fans worried. That spot is reserved
for an AI producer's favorite.

• During the car commercial I am surprised they didn't take the
obvious joke and have Ramiele dunk.

• Every week the person voted off sings their farewell song much
better the night before. The solution: Seconds before each performance
have an AI flunkie whisper an appropriate announcement of doom to each
singer. What would they whisper?

Kristy Lee: We've discovered video of you and Brittney Spears at a club.
Spears acts like the sober one. Good Luck.

sYESha: Whitney Houston says if you sing one more of her songs she'll
cut you like she did Bobby. She's in the audience. Good Luck.

Jason: Ryan's a narc. Good Luck, Dude.

David A. : Your dad's not happy with his seat. Good Luck

Carley: The man in the dark suit wants to talk to you about your work
visa. Good Luck.

Brooke: Think of the poor children in Africa. Good Luck.

Michael Johns: Your wife is leaving you for Bob Geldof. Here's a belt.
Good Luck.

David Cook: (Reader participation moment. What do you
think they would say to David?)

• That's all I've got. See you next week when Kristy Lee finally
leaves.

Lorrie: Ditto, ditto, and here here!

Ramiele is outta there. Finally! I called it right for a week!

CSX= Raw Deal for Florida Taxpayers

2008-04-02T04:45:00.000-07:00

It's just downright frustrating how this CSX deal continues to smell like rotting flesh, yet Gov. Charlie Crist and every Orlando lawmaker continue to feed it to Florida taxpayers in heaping spoonfuls like it's chocolate cake.

Chuck over at Lakeland Local - AKA The Local- compiled some editorials on this issue the other day that I urge you to take a look at. Newspaper editorial writers from all over the state smell this rat, but the stench hasn't reached Tallahassee, apparently.

I'll probably write my elected officicials on this one. But at the risk of sounding like Debbie Downer, I fear it won't do any good.

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Top Nine

2008-04-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

Pre-Show Banter

Lorrie: I almost missed the beginning of American Idol tonight, due to breaking news issues. For those of you not in "the know," Lakeland Local was purchased today by The Ledger. Well, this afternoon, I learned that Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd was preparing an eleventh-hour counter-offer to purchase the newly renamed "The Local" to create a second, online cyber-station.

As of press time, I was unable to confirm whether Chuck would be required to undergo a physical fitness test. In a phone interview this afternoon, Chuck said he would propose his own weapons qualification with his Cross pen. When I was like, "huh?" He said, "The pen is mightier than the malfunctioning Glock and bullets." Stay tuned...

Now on to the Idol...I predict that David Archulleta will dress up like a cowgirl and sing "9 to 5."

Stay with us, people. It's baseball season and we're lucky Chuck's even watching the Idol.

Brooke White- Joleen.

Chuck: Baseball season started yesterday, and it is "free baseball preview week" on cable so I had to switch around a lot tonight. First up for the AI Nine was Brooke "Fordy" White. Good hit, average power, not a time tested talent. But she's sure to get on base every week. That's why she's batting in the leadoff spot tonight.

She takes a fat pitch named Jolene and bangs out a double. Nice tone, pleasant delivery, gives a serious look at the end.

At second she calls time to confer with the coaches: Randy "The Straw that Stirs the Drink" Jackson tells her she's a nice girl. Paula "Spaceman" Abdul gets existensional with "You are who you are." likes some 21^st Century "I am who I am." Third base coach Simon "Spikes High"
Cowell's advice is lost in the crowd noise. Cameras catch White answering each coach with the same tone she uses off-season as a nanny.

Lorrie: This is one of my all-time favorites from Dolly Parton. I liked the version, but didn't love it. Dolly's version has a beautiful, eery quality to it that I adore.

Paula, AKA "Captain Obvious" was on par this evening with this comment: "You. Are. Brooke. White." "Wha.....?"

David Cook- Little Sparrow.

Chuck: Up second is catcher David "Pudge" Cook. Shaking off the coach's signal to bunt, he turns his own arrangement of Little Sparrow into a sharp single to third. The third baseman holds Brooke at Second, but can't get Cook out at First. Jackson, Abdul, and Cowell do that old baseball stand by "See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Say Some Evil" while the audience waits for the number three hitter.

Lorrie: I cringed slightly when I learned he would do his own arrangement. He's been so fortunate finding great rock versions of his past songs. Can he do it on his own? Why yes, kind A.I. fan, he can! I really liked this performance.

Ramielle Malubay- Do I Cross Your Mind?

Chuck: In a shocking turn of events, the solid singing Chikieze, is pulled for pinch-hitter Ramiele "Say Hey" Malubay. The little shortstop seems out of place singing "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind" in the important number three spot. Three pitches, and three strikes. She's out. She never got
the bat off her shoulder. The next mind we think she'll cross is the coach for the Single-A Miramar Sashimi.

Lorrie: Do I cross your mind? Um, less and less with each passing week, Girlie. She sounded a little shaky tonight, Dawg.

Jason Castro- Travelin' Through.

Chuck: The crowd takes a smoke break as clean up hitter Jason Castro comes to the plate. A lot people don't know Castro had a try out with the Washington Senators as a pitcher * . Obviously, he's out in left field these days. In a surprise move Castro bunts "Travelin' Thru" for a single. Jackson and Abdul give Castro a high five. Cowell glares over from third. The man doesn't like when the players miss signals.

Lorrie: My fingers want to curl up as I type this, but I have to say that this was a good song for him to sing. He'll sail on through tonight. My husband just said Jason is a hemp-snake Medusa.

Carly Smithson- Here You Come Again.

Chuck: Carly "Irish" Smithson steps up to the plate. Carly looks a little ragged tonight -- like a poor girl's Cher. She hits a note with "Here You Come Again" deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep into right for a sliding triple. Jackson and Abdul respond with a minute of "Who's On First." We
never get tired of that. Cowell fines Carly for wearing her pants out of her stirrups.

Lorrie: I liked this slowed down, stripped down version. That's all I've got for this one.

David Archuleta- Smoky Mountain Memories.

Chuck: Because of his slump, fan favorite David Archuleta has dropped down to the sixth spot. Looking to get his swing back he steps up to the left side of the plate to sing Imagine. No wait, he steps over the plate to belt out "Smoky Mountain Memories" for a sliding double. It's an old
favorite of the coaches and they're pleased with the young phenom. However, the visiting coach notices the boy swings only at off-speed stuff. If he doesn't learn to hit the curve they may have to drop him down to AAA for some seasoning.

Lorrie: Ok, so my 9 to 5 prediction was wrong. Oh well. I think Simon will accuse him of singing songs too old for him again. And if he does, I will agree. But still, he has an amazing voice and he blew this song away.

Well, I was wrong. Again. And that's why I'm blogging here in the minor league and not for the big boys.

Kristy Lee Cook- Coat of Many Colors.

Chuck: Weak hitting "Shoeless" Kristy Lee Cooke tries to get some mojo back by borrowing team owner Dolly Parton's "Coat of Many Colors." The uniform doesn't help as she dribbles one to second base and is out by five feet. As she runs off she throws a kiss to third base coach Cowell. Is there love in the air?

Lorrie: Boring. When will she go HOME?!

SYESsha Mercado- I Will Always Love You.

Chuck: Batting eighth is utility infielder sYESha Mercado. Predictably she tries to carry a too-big Witney Houston model bat for her slap-hitting swing. She does hit one deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep into left field, but it is foul. It's almost like Smithson and Mercado had a bet who could hit one farther. sYESha is called out on a third strike, but
reaches base when the catcher drops the ball. She serenades the catcher with her rendition of "I will always love you."

Lorrie: Well, well, well. I couldn't see THIS one coming from 17 miles away. Y'all, I don't like her hair tonight. If you're not Dolly or Whitney, you need to never sing this song. Ever. It seems that she bordered on nasally at the end. This is my favorite comment from my husband tonight, said as he looked over his newspaper long enough to take notice of sYESha's wardrobe selection: "That yellow and red just don't work. Makes her look like a fertilized egg." If you knew poultry like we know poultry, you'd be chuckling right now.

Dolly Parton is rumored to have said this about I Will Always Love You: "When I wrote that song, I opened up a bank account. When Whitney Houston performed it, I bought the bank."

Unless your voice enables Dolly to buy controlling ownership of Berkshire Hathaway, stay away from it, singers!

Michael Johns- "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right."

Chuck: That leaves pitcher Michael "Vegamite" Johns as the last AI batter of the night. A big fan of owner Parton, Michael puts on baseball's first ascot, and sings the blues with "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right." He makes it to first on a Fielder's Choice, when sYESha limps into second.

Lorrie: He to' this song UP! Lordy, was that good.

Chuck's Top Three: Carly, Brooke and David Cook score.

Lorrie's Top Three: Michael Johns, David Cook and Carly Smithson

Chuck's Bottom Three- Ramiele, sYESha, and Kristy Lee make the night's three outs. I predict we'll hear Ramiele is sent down to the minors tonight.

Lorrie's Bottom Three- Ramielle, Kristy Lee and sYESsha. Goodbye Ramielle.

A.I. Results- It Ain't Easy Being Chikezie

2008-03-27T05:12:00.000-07:00

Chuck:Yes, I'm leading with the results. Before the final 12, I thought Chikezie would go the first week. But he wasn't the worst performer last night. America got it wrong.

What the hell? "America got it wrong?" 35 million people voted in the 21st century version of Ted Mack's Original Amateur Hour meets Queen for a Day. They're voting their favorites. They're not listening to the music.

Lorrie: Maybe so, but at this point of this screwball season, I'm just happy that someone from my Bottom Three was sent home. The way I've been picking them the past couple of weeks, I definitely should NOT play the lottery any time soon.

Chuck: And now to what we learned on tonight's show:

• To make it up to Ramiele for turning off her mic last week, AI producers gave her too much air time tonight.

• David Cook is a Kansas City Royals fan. That means he'll be traded to the Yankees for prospects before the season is out. **

• David Archuleta's father is a ventriloquist. How else can we explain David A. answering "It's one of my favorite songs!"? (Lorrie- We also could explain it like this: he's a nerd. He's cute & nerdy)

• Carly wears "Spanx." S&M fans can go back to braiding their whips, She was talking about these.
(That link is safe for work, unless you work at Victoria's Secret.)

• The winning of the Ford-AI contest this year gets to watch them shoot a commercial. Based on tonight's
commercial my wife reasoned the winner will sit in someone's office while they do digital editing.

• They took calls again this week. Again, they used the calls to play up Simon and Ryan's mock feud. Again the questions were an idiotic part of the show. I'd rather they play a tape of Kristy Lee Sings the Beatles. (Lorrie- You're in luck, Chuck. I hear that's gonna be Kristy Lee's first CD. Every Beatles song will be recorded with a bluegrass vibe, except for Come Together, which will be a polka)

• Kimberly Locke appeared in a Weight Watcher's commercial and a public service warning for glitter body makeup. Somewhere in there she also sang a country song.

• Ryan was again irritated when a Bottom Three contestant refused to play up the drama. He cut off Jason mid-ramble to tell him to sit on the sofa.

• Chikezie whispered something to sYESha just before Ryan read the result. After Ryan announced Chikezie was out, sYESha quickly walked to the sofa and wrestled Kristy Lee to the floor.

•
** -- Those familiar with 1950s and 60s baseball history would have laughed.

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Top Ten

2008-03-26T06:07:00.000-07:00

Pre-Show fluff:

Chuck: This week the American Idol singers were to choose songs from the year they were born. Now, you might think that would be easy. However, a few found a way to fudge the rules by picking a song that "charted somewhere in the world the year I was born," "was released by an American Idol favorite on an album you never heard of the year I born", or "was a song my father sang in the shower the year I was born."

No one used the Dominican Pitcher Gambit and simply changed their birth year. As I watched the show all I could think was, "Well, at least I liked the originals of the songs they sang last week." This was a ho-hum night for most of the performers.

Lorrie: Paula Abdul almost didn't make it to tonight's show, folks. She was running late from her day job of artificially inseminating cows. In fact, she forgot to remove her gloves before airtime.

Ramiele Malubay- Alone

Chuck: The best you can say about her performance was that Paula didn't tell her how pretty she looked. The girl was sick. The song was worse; yet 10 seconds into the song the audience is waving their arms like a bed of sea anemone. I see she adopted the Kristy Lee Fighting/Singing Stance © . Simon told her she wasn't as bad as last week. She thought it was a complement.

Lorrie: Y'all, Ramiele is dressed in her Pat-Benetar-Love-is-a- Battlefield outfit tonight! She was a little pitchy, dawg.

Jason Castro- Fragile

Chuck: The Spicoli jokes are easy, but ultimately unsatisfying. The kid is too deep in character to realize he's a caricature. I'm amazed that it took Simon this long to realize Jason is "too laid back." Dude. Seriously. What?

Lorrie: Jason, my grandma called. She wants to crochet a scarf with your hair. Snore....snore...snore...I feel like I might do a face plant into my keyboard at any moment. What is with him wanting to sing songs in other languages two weeks in a row?!

sYESha Mercado- If I Were Your Woman

Chuck: She pulls out the baby scream again. It's the best note of her time. She shows a little 'tude. Do people still say 'tude? I believe the AI audience is programmed to clap when they hear a loud, long drawn out note. If you taped the show go back and listen as she ends the song. You can hear Simon tell Randy to say something. I slowed it down, and played it backwards. He said, "I buried Paul."

Paula then looks at Simon and asked "Do I like her?" (Seriously, listen. She did. No, I'm not joking now. See the parentheses? That means "not joking" like $^$%#& means a comics character hit his thumb with a hammer.)

Lorrie: I thought this was her best performance of the season. America's gonna say YES to sYESsha tonight.

I swear, that baby cry creeps me the F- out.

Chikezie- If Only For One Night

Chuck: He goes against the judge's advice and sings a ballad. Though he sings a long note, the AI staff forget to turn on the applause sign and the audience sits dumbfounded. Randy hits the "old school" button on his voicebox, Simon wakes Paula and she adds, "Throwback." Simon misses Chikezie's personality. I think they accidentally recycled their notes for Amanda.

Lorrie: I like his voice, but he sounds like so many other soul singers out there. I don't think he brings anything new to the table. Still, I predict he's safe this week.

Brooke White- Every Breath You Take

Chuck: Brooke makes a mistake right away and restarts her version of "Every Breath You Take." Or was it a mistake? I say it was a brilliant use of literalness in music. She took a "breath" Get it? A "breath."

In any case, for the rest of the song the AI director played David Archuleta's mistake on a split-screen.

Every judge wished she played the piano without the band for the whole song. Have you noticed how often the judges praise singers who eschew the band? If this goes on I don't see Randy Minor on the show next year.

Lorrie: Holy false start, Batman! She messed up on the first two words! Great recovery, though. This is a pretty version of this song. I love watching her when she sings and plays piano. This was a good performance, but by her standards, not great. Still, she's safe this week.

At this point, I'm starting to feel boredom creep in again. I think if this show doesn't pick up soon, I'm gonna lobby for Chuck and I to start blogging about Wheel of Fortune instead.

Michael Johns- We Will Rock You/ We Are the Champions

Chuck: After Brooke's song, Fox accidentally switched to tape of a pep rally.

Oddly, the judges then praised Michael Johns for singing We Will Rock You/We are the Champions.

This is my "Am I watching the same show?" moment of the week. I rewind. Watch it again. Again I expect Paula to stand and say "We have spirit. Yes we do. We have spirit. How 'bout you?"

Lorrie: Well, as soon as they mention he's going to sing two Queen songs, I know what they will be. It's just like ZZ Top- you never hear "Have Mercy" on the radio on a Two for Tuesday without hearing "Jesus Just Left Chicago" afterward. These songs go together cuz opposites attract. (Sorry, I was having a 1980s Paula Abdul/Scat Cat moment)

I predict the judges will say he shouldn't have performed We Will Rock You. I think the performance sucked.

What the...the audience has gone loopy! It was not all that, y'all. I'm totally lost now that the judges have agreed he was wonderful tonight. I just didn't think this was good.

Mid-column break:

Chuck: Who told each contestant to talk about astrology? Seriously, it's 2008. This is what happens when you don't teach evolution in schools. (Note: Please send all hate letters c/o Lorrie Delk Walker at...)

Lorrie: Is Paula's left eye lazy tonight?

Carly Smithson- Total Eclipse of the Heart

Chuck: The Irish woman sings the Welsh woman's biggest hit as Carly sings Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart." That's the best I could come up with. Did you see the performance? Wow, that was tame.

Lorrie: I've always loved this song, even though if you play it backward, it says "cheesy" repeatedly. In fact, I thought Amanda Overmyer might try to sing it one week.

My question is this- why in the world did Carly sing it plain-Jane throughout, and then try to take it to town on the final note?! Too little, too late if you ask me.

Note to Carly- never, ever discuss with Ryan your bathroom habits prior to performing. You're not funny. We don't care. Just sing.

David Archuleta- You're the Voice

Chuck: The best part of the performance was when Simon outed David A. as the child of a scary stage dad, "I don't think that song is you at all. I'd be amazed if you chose that song yourself. "

In case you didn't grow up in the British Commonwealth, the song won some Australian Song of the Year award in 1987. I believe it was up against Milli Vanilli's "Girl, You Know it's True"
I hear both of you wondering, "Wasn't that kid born in 1990?" You're right, but David Foster released the song on his 1990 album, River of Love.

Yeah, I also missed that one.

Lorrie: Chuck, I don't like how you've just pretended we have only two readers. You know that exactly seven people read this blog faithfully each week.

David was a little shaky sounding tonight. He picks too many songs with, like, meaning and stuff. Me no likey. Just be a teenager, David. I hate this song. I've never heard it until now, but I hate it. I do still love his voice, though.

P.S.- I'm calling for a moratorium on the use of the phrase "you can sing the phonebook."

Kristy Lee Cook- God Bless the U.S.A.

Chuck: When running behind, cite God and Country. Simon recognizes Kristy Lee's political savvy, "The most clever song choice I have heard in years."

Paula didn't like the performance. I missed it. I thought it was the 7th inning and they were playing that dreadful Kate Smith song. So I headed for the bathroom.

Lorrie: I wonder what P.O.S. she'll pick to sing tonight. God Bless the USA?!?! Ahhh, geez....I can't hear this song without thinking of my annual 4-H awards ceremonies as a kid, when they would play the slide show and this would be the music.

I just figured out her stance, Chuck. She's practicing for when she gets her very own doublewide trailer and she has to bounce a baby on her hip.

I get it... she's playing the sympathetic patriot card. Here we are, just having celebrated five years in Iraq and 4,000 soldiers dead and she's tugging at people's heart strings. Could this low blow keep her safe this week?

Randy liked it. Are you kidding???!!!

Simon says it's her best performance by a mile.

I feel like I'm in the friggin' Twilight Zone. I check the channel to make sure my dog didn't step on the remote and suddenly I'm watching American Idol Rewind. I cannot believe that she was so well-liked. I'm disgusted.

Never has there been a season of American Idol where I so anxiously awaited the end of the show as I have this week. Oh, wait. Except for last week.

David Cook- Billy Jean

Chuck: David Cook took the song that kicked off a revolution in music videos and made an Emo anthem. I have to publicly admit I simply couldn't believe I liked it. Tomorrow I'm dying my hair black, and wearing it in long bangs over one eye.

(Note: Anyone who has seen me is now hysterically laughing. You may join them. Pick your own reason if need be.)

Lorrie: BRB- I just shot tea out my nose after reading Chuck's comment.

Chris Cornell's version? Never heard of such a thing. But I love Chris Cornell, with or without Soundgarden.

This kid can sing. I loved this version! Top three performance. No doubt. Easily the best performance of the night.

Chuck's Top Three- David Cook, David Cook and David Cook

Lorrie's Top Three- David Cook, sYESha Mercado and Brooke White

Chuck's Bottom Three- Ramiele, Carly and David A. Goodbye Ramiele.

Lorrie's Bottom Three- Ramiele, Chikezie and Kristy Lee. And I will continue to put Kristy Lee in the Bottom Three until America wakes up! In an effort to correct all the wrongs committed in recent weeks, America will say goodbye to all three. I know. But the column's on my blog, so I can write my dreams however I want 'em.

The Electric Company

2008-03-24T14:34:00.001-07:00

KFJ got it started by mentioning Captain Kangaroo. The Electric Company was one of my favorite shows as a kid. This is the intro and outro from the show-tro. Enjoy!

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

While you're enjoying Easter with your family today, my family will be eating my first-ever Easter Cake- chocolate cake, cream cheese frosting, food-colored coconut grass and Starburst jelly beans.

Now, I understand that a woman without children probably has no business making such a kid-friendly cake, but man....is it good!

Lakeland and Polk County Landmarks

2008-03-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

Can you identify these Lakeland and Polk County landmarks? Hint: one is a rolling landmark...

American Idol Finals Week Two- Results

2008-03-20T09:33:00.000-07:00

Chuck: Ryan opens the show with a bunch of jibber-jabber. Truth is, I can't find the remote to turn up the sound. I try to read his lips. I think he's apologizing to Yoko Ono & Paul McCartney. Then I believe he says the mentors this year are George Martin, Jim Carrey, Neil Patrick Harris, and Lou Diamond Phillips

I finally get the sound on as the Beatles Medley begins. It sounds like the Beatles Love versions of the songs. High points include the silencing of Ramiele's mic and saving Amanda for “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”

Was that a subtle clue?

I'd like to point out that all the talk about Amanda sounding like Janis Joplin is off-base. She's the chiiillld of Melissa Etheridge. Not the one fathered by Crosby, Stills and Nash. Amanda sounds like Melissa Etheridge playing a Harley Davidson showroom.

They insist on playing a recap, even though everyone watching tonight was tortured enough last night. Of course, they show film of David A's flub. From two weeks ago. To make up for that mistake, they show film of Chikezie playing the harmonica. Twelve minutes into the show and even I am starting to wonder why anyone listens to the Beatles.

They're bringing them out one at a time this week. Brooke first. No suspense. She's safe. They send Carley out before Ryan is ready. She's in the bottom three?? America is shocked. I'm shocked. Kat Von D is shocked. They say she's in the bottom three, but you'll notice only the bottom two are told they have the two lowest vote totals. I think they put the third person in just to scare people into voting for her or him.

Lorrie: I agree. This junk is rigged.

Chuck: David A. He's in the top ten. Ho hum. Michael Johns. Zooming through. On his knees. Top ten.

During the commercial I wonder how Carley is in the bottom three? I conclude America hates her because she's Irish. People, we Irish helped build the railroads!

We apologize for that.

Lorrie: SPEAK UP! I can't hear you over the CSX whistle a block away.

Chuck: Cut back from the commercial to a three minute commercial about the commercial. They ruin the Clash's Should I Stay or Should I Go. I recommend listening to Know Your Rights to make up for the pain.

David Cook is next. Top ten. No surprise. Kristy Lee Cook! Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Yes, I begged a TV. I have no shame. It works. She's in the bottom three.

Jason Castro floats to the stage. The Dude is safe. He yells “Tour baby!” Ramiele is up next. Top Ten. Of course, she was going to be safe.

That leaves sYESha, Amanda & Chikezie. My wife predicts Amanda. I predict America's harmonica players banded together to vote for Chikezie...on the condition he plays trumpet next week. I think they'll put Amanda in the bottom three.

Then the I Am Legend DVD commercial states you get to see the version they didn't think was good enough for the theater. I guess that's better than seeing the Charlton Heston version again.

It's question time again! Simon is right. It's a rude question. It's a silly question. They all are. God. But at least Michael Johns admits he peaked in Hollywood.

It's Kellie Pickler. Ryan does a bad joke. Lorrie will tell you about it.

Lorrie: No. I won't. I refuse. But I will say this- Kellie Pickler spent some of her earnings on boobs since her season on American Idol.

Chuck: I call the show and ask if they can go back the question segment.

Kellie sings Happy Birthday, Mr. President to Simon. Wait. I hit the remote to switch to a biography on Marilyn Monroe. I switch back. Pickler's off. Did I miss anything?

Commercials about Idol Gives Back. No jokes here.

sYESha is safe. Who is voting for her? Amanda & Chikeze walk on stage.
Chikeze walks to the couch. Amanda tries to take a stool. Ryan stamps his feet and demands they let him do his job. He opens the card and pouts that Chikezie is safe.

They bring the three to center stage. Ryan simply says, “After the nationwide vote...Carly you are safe." No surprise there. Ryan then announces that Kristy is safe. That Amanda is out.

We hear Lorrie whooping for joy blocks away.

Kristy Lee has officially entered the Sanjaya Zone!

Lorrie: As much as I didn't like Amanda, I liked Kristy Lee even less. I second your Sanjaya Zone motion.

Chuck: Amanda sings out with a reprise of “Back in the USSR.” The band plays six bars of “Jumping Jack Flash” before remembering it's Beatles night.

That's it for tonight. We'll be back next week with a shorter column. They'll get shorter each week as singers are dropped from the show. By the end of the series it'll be six words each.

More Foster Puppy Pics

2008-03-19T17:40:00.000-07:00

I am absolutely foolish over these puppies I'm fostering for the Lakeland SPCA. They couldn't get any cuter!

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Finals Week Two

2008-03-19T07:31:00.000-07:00

Pre-Show Stuff...
Chuck: "When I get older losing my hair"...no, that's not how the show started. That was me dreaming. I nodded off after dinner. I guess "many years from now" have arrived.

Lorrie: It's Beatles weak. Oh no, gentle proofreader- that spelling is correct. I have the feeling tonight's show is going to bore me into a coma. I predict it will be tough picking a Top Three and a Bottom Three, but fear not- I shall manage.

Chuck: I'm going to try live blogging the show tonight. Lorrie will add her ~~sarcastic~~ well thought out comments afterwards.

Ryan states America demanded we get another week of songs from the "Beatles" songbook. I think America demanded AI not let Kristy Lee sing.

Randy's yawning. He's 64, too. Cue up Vera, Chuck and Dave.

I think they're adding Harrison and Starkey songs so Kristy Lee could sing "Don't Pass Me By."

Oh my god. They are explaining the importance of the Beatles again?!

Lorrie: Here's an interesting aside- If you look closely at the Beatles footage that aired tonight, you can see Chuck as a little boy, screaming right along with all those girls.

Chuck: I can see David A. singing "Within You, Without You" tonight. Bring back the plastic soul, David.

Amanda Overmyer- Back in the U.S.S.R.

Chuck: That's scary. Half the audience won't know Chuck Berry. Another half has never heard of the Beach Boys, and only the Reagan-era conservatives remember the USSR.

Lorrie: I think I'll certify myself as the style police tonight. It makes sense, since I'm a walking fashion icon and all. I think her hair looks the best it's looked this season, and I like her clothes this week. Anyhoo, before even hearing this song, I think this is an excellent choice for Amanda.

Chuck: Amanda is changing the lyrics. "BOFC? Dreadful flight?" Changing gender also. She sounds weak.

Lorrie: You know, sometimes she truly sounds good. Other times, she just sounds raw. Too raw. Hamburger meat raw.

Chuck: This is Georgia Satellites Sing the Beatles. I would like her to go further in this competition than I think she will. She's one of the few who fits the "amateur" aspect of the show. Randy and Paula think she's 7 out of 10 and Simon thinks she was worse.

Lorrie: Paula wants to see Amanda do a ballad? Lord, help us all if that happens. She simply doesn't have the voice for it.

Chuck: Someone convinced Amanda to speak back to the judges. Simon doesn't like it.

He thinks she's jumping the gun talking about selling tickets to a bar show in Lafayette, Indiana, but she sounds like she has a realistic view of her chances. John Mellencamp started by selling out bars in Seymour. Well, she's no John Mellencamp. Never mind.

Kristy Lee Cook- You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

Lorrie: I recommend hiding it where you stowed your talent- not a soul in this world has found that yet. I'm being harsh. She has talent, but she's good, not great.

Chuck: She says she picked it by the title alone?! She heard it only for the first time that
day?!

Lorrie: I cringed when I heard her saying this, Chuck. I had visions of you coming unglued over those comments.

Chuck: She's doing a lounge version! The crowd is shocked silent! She tries to inject the patented AI up tempo kick halfway through the song. But she isn't powering it.

Lorrie: She is soooooooo going home tomorrow night. I hate this musical arrangement. Chuck, she's in her fighting stance again.

THE BEATLES THING IS "KINDA NEW" TO HER?! God, shoot me now.

Chuck, it's obvious she's not reading our blog and she didn't get your memo about how you should never admit that.

Who told that girl to wear a Glad Forceflex bag as a dress tonight?!

Chuck: Simon says she's not a good performer. The same person who convinced Amanda to talk back, also got to Kristy Lee. She tells Simon she can blow his socks off.

I don't think she could blow her nose with conviction.

Lorrie: And that is the point where I want to crawl under my couch. She sure is committed to claiming her weekly real estate onstage among the Bottom Three.

David Archuleta- The Long and Winding Road

Chuck: David brought up his lyric flub and they're rubbing his nose in it again.

Lorrie: Here comes my fave! Awww, he borrowed his daddy's polyester coat for tonight's performance. David doesn't just sing- he can SANG (this is said in my deepest, proud mama, southern accent while waving a hand fan).

Chuck: "The Long and Winding Road." The long and safe version. He hasn't walked down more than a short dead end. He's 17! He can sing, but I don't believe him and these lyrics.

Lorrie: I don't love this song, but I love me some David Archuleta.

Chuck: Simon thought he was amazing. Well, baby, I'm amazed Simon thought that.

Lorrie: Paula thinks this was his best performance?! It's official- this bitch is on drugs. Paula, go crawl in the pill bottle. Chuck, I hope people get your "baby, I'm amazed comment." Half of last night's studio audience would not.

I have to say that at this point, I'm really bored with tonight's show.

Michael Johns- A Day in the Life

Chuck: Michael is doing A Day in the Life? Which part? Lennon's? McCartney's? Evidently he chose to go with George Martin's part.

Lorrie: A day? Really? That felt like he stole a week from me in a minute and a half. That high note in the beginning made my dog bark. And that's not good.

Chuck: Ouch? He blew the note on "Lords." He is trying to sing both the Lennon and McCartney bits. Well, I'll give him points for that. It gives the song that certain bipolar feeling it needs. He messed up the last few lines though.

The director runs tape of David A. from last week.

Lorrie: No matter what he sings, he always reminds me of Val Kilmer as Jim Morrison in The Doors movie. This performance looked like hard work for Michael. It's like he held that mic for dear life.

Chuck: Simon is spot on...it was too complex a song for 1:40.

Lorrie: Shhhhh....do you hear that Chuck? It's The Price is Right Music playing, and- wait a minute- is that? Yes! It's Rod Roddy calling from Beyond, telling Michael to "Come on down!" To the Bottom Three, that is.

Chuck: All of Paula's complaints turn out to be off the mark. She blamed Michael's in-the-ear monitors. He wasn't wearing them.

Lorrie: This is Paula- gah, gah, goo, goo, drool, stammer, stutter, etc., etc.

Pffffffssssst. Hear that? That was a fart. And it made more sense than anything Paula has said all night.

Brooke White- Here Comes the Sun

Chuck: Brooke is singing Here Comes the Sun...and she's all in yellow. Isn't that cute? I'm telling you, if the Beatles need anything to capture the younger audience it is to raise their Cute Factor.

Lorrie: Awwww, she looks pretty in yellow. I really love her voice. Oh, I get it. She's wearing yellow to match her song! Like we couldn't see that one coming from a mile away...

Chuck: No one mentions George Harrison wrote this? Well, I just have.

Sounds ok, but as my wife just said: "She MUST NOT dance." She doesn't. She shimmys like my sister Kate. My dance-challenged sister Kate.

Lorrie: I don't think this was her best performance, but it's enough to get her through to the next round.

Chuck: Randy thought she was never connected to the song. Paula likes her low tones. Brooke immediately decides to sing Muddy Waters next week.

Lorrie: I'm speaking to Paula: God. Shut. Up.

Chuck: Simon thought it was weak. She explains she has a plan. Oh, I get it! She meant to tank this week. I'm surprised she didn't want to sing the David A. version of "We Can Work it Out." That would have been a plan.

Almost to the halfway point and I realize something. These people are not funny. Who has convinced everyone to talk back to the judges? At least we have less of Ryan fighting with Simon.

David Cook- Day Tripper

Chuck: David Cook is doing Whitesnake's version of Day Tripper? It starts with a redhead writhing over a car.

Oh no! Two mics! He's going to use a vocoder!!! Sorry. I'm having Frampton flashbacks.

Lorrie: Chuck, here's where I hate that I'm giving you the first word and I'm taking the last. Now everyone is going to think I'm copying you and that I'm not hip and cool in my own right. This was the comment I wrote last night: "He's goin' all Peter Frampton on that junk!!!!"

Chuck: I watch the song in fear. I stare at the vocoder microphone -- afraid he really will use it. God. He really did. My wife just asked, "Was he actually trying to say something?"

Lorrie: I'm not so sure the vocoder was a good call on this song, but I think this was the best performance of the night so far.

Chuck: Again, they explain the Beatles importance to music. I am in pain. Deep, spiritual pain.

Lorrie: Simon's said something about David looking smug or cocky. Hello, Kettle! You're black!

Carly Smithson- Blackbird

Chuck: Carly sings Blackbird. She's going for a thoughtful, deep sound. The audience thinks she is doing Freebird. They start to sway. Where are the lighters?

Lorrie: Her shirt reminds me of the Rose Parade.

Chuck: The judges will love this. Randy "Another great performance" - Paula gives her an "F" ...for Fantastic? -- Simon doesn't like it. She tries to explain the lyrics to Simon. Lost cause.

Lorrie: Her eye makeup looks so pretty tonight! Randy used the word "cooliosis?" Whatever.

Jason Castro- Michelle

Chuck: Jason Castro is up after the break. Gives me time to....get some Suzy Q's.

Dude. The rest of this review will be mellow. I love you all. I'm high.

A sugar high.

What did you think I meant?

Jason learned French for the song. My French-Canadian wife is cringing every time he sings the French bits. He is doing a bad Maurice Chevalier impersonation. It's like he's singing this at midnight in his dorm room. With a towel at the door jam.

Lorrie: Maurice Chevalier? I was thinking more like Peppy LePew. That hand wavy thingy he just did made me feel embarrased. This performance did nothing for me.

Chuck: Simon says Jason's face sold the song. It sure wasn't the music. He's safe though.

I'm going to listen to the Beatles for a solid week to get the bad sounds of this group out of my ears.

Lorrie: Paula's polka comment actually was funny to me. Dang it! I hate admitting that!

sYESha Mercado- Yesterday

Chuck: She has the key to the song. Scream every SIXTH word. It wakes up the AUDIENCE! She doesn't make it a unique version, but it's better than last week. She's safe this week.

Lorrie: Hey there, Straighty McFlatiron! I like the hair. I don't love this version of this song. Perhaps I can say this, whereas Chuck can't (without sounding like Pervy Perverson): that dress and bra made her boobs look really big.

Chuck: The judges like it. Simon thinks Brooke should have sang that song. Why is the girl on the JC Penney commercial stepping on her birthday cake?

Lorrie: Focus on the Idol, Chuck.

Chuck: Ryan finds Paul McCartney in the audience! No, it's someone's great-grandfather.

Chekezie- I've Just Seen a Face

Chuck: Chikezie claims he is learning harmonica just for "I've Just Seen a Face." I wonder if he can in just a couple of busy days? He starts off way too slowly. I predict he'll speed up the tempo for the famous AI Speed Bump. He pulls up the harmonica. There's your answer. He didn't learn the harmonica.

Lorrie: Chikezie, put down the harmonica and walk away. No! No! Don't turn around and take one last look. Just. Walk. Away.

Chuck: He kicked up the tempo. He's mugging for the camera. He's not singing. This is the multiple personality disorder version of the song. Still, I think he's safe.

Lorrie: I think he's really been the biggest turnaround performer for me. I was eyeing him for a trip home within the first two weeks. Now I don't think that's gonna happen.

Ramielle Malubay- I Should've Known Better

Chuck: Ramiele is singing "I Should Have Known Better." She's pretty weak. No energy. She dances like she's a three-year-old wearing her mom's heels. Her voice sounds country. A little Dolly Parton mixed with Charlie Pride.

Lorrie: I Should've Known Better. You're darn tootin'! The very first word out of her mouth was shaky.

Gosh, it's the "I" - every time she sings it, it's just awful. Hello, Bottom Three.

Chuck: Simon says the singers chose really mediocre songs. Seriously? No, these were mediocre versions of good songs as sung by inexperienced singers.

Chuck's Predictions

Top Three: Carly, David Cook, and the flashback of Brooke singing Let it
Be from last week.

Bottom Three: Amanda, Michael Johns, Kristy Lee and Ramiele

Yes, I can count. It's a very rare tie. I think Kristy Lee is gone.

Please America?

Lorrie's Predictions:

Top Three- Who cares. I'm bored.

Bottom Three- Ramielle, Michael Johns and, of course, Kristy Lee.

This show left me in a bad mood. Perhaps I'll go buy an iPhone and drink a Coca-Cola and I'll feel better in time for the results show.

Texting While Driving

2008-03-18T04:34:00.000-07:00

I admire many of our local bloggers for the topics they choose to write about. Currently, my hero is Kristen Freaking Jane, who was brave enough recently to post a dirty secret- texting while driving.

It reminded me of an incident that my husband and I witnessed recently, involving what appeared to be a teenage boy texting while driving. I won't rehash it here. Instead, just read my comment on KFJ's post.

We had our digital camera in the car and took the above photo of his tag. I always intended to post it on my blog- not to get him in trouble (ok, maybe a little)- but in hope that someone reading this blog knows this kid's parents and can talk some sense into him.

This is a dangerous thing to do. Don't believe me? Watch the YouTube video below. It's twits like this who are rolling along our streets, oblivious to the world around them, thinking they're the center of the universe, who are texting while driving. Do you want to be like that? I didn't think so.

Dr. Phil Texting While Driving Episode

2008-03-18T01:24:00.001-07:00

I referred to this in KFJ's post, but thought I'd post this on my site since I found this clip from the show.

SPCA Foster Parenting- Three Puppies!

2008-03-17T06:00:00.001-07:00

On Friday, I picked up three more puppies from the Lakeland SPCA to foster. This little cutie above is the male. He's sleeping on an elephant squeaky toy that my dog Callaghan feels should be his to play with. Don't you just want to squeeze him when you see this picture?!

This is one of the females. She has beautiful, blue eyes. Since these puppies are just four weeks old, I'm wondering if her eyes will stay that color.

This little female is the tubby one of the bunch. She's the biggest and she has the most adorable, perfectly round brown spots on her. You can see one in this picture.

Fostering three puppies is a bit of a handful. The hairiest times are when I'm trying to get them outside to potty. It's always easy grabbing a puppy in each hand and whisking them out the door before they pee on my floor. Scooping up three puppies is difficult, even though these are small. As they get bigger, it will be impossible.

But on the good side, it's easier to spend one-on-one time with one puppy, because the two puppies in the crate can keep each other company. Before, pulling one out of the crate to play with it meant leaving the other alone to cry. Good grief...I sound so ridiculous! But these things weigh heavily on my mind.

Since I haven't had any foster puppies in a few weeks, I haven't mentioned this on my blog, but I want to reiterate how fun and rewarding foster parenting is. If you love pets, but can't afford the full-time commitment of owning one, this is the way to go. The foster parenting hyperlink takes you to the SPCA's application. For me, this experience is perfect. I get all the enjoyment of having a puppy. But caring for them is just enough work that by the time they are old enough to be adopted, I'm actually ready to let them go.

If you simply can't handle the responsibility of foster parenting, but you firmly believe in the SPCA's cause, I hope you'll consider supporting them. The SPCA always is in need of supplies such as dry puppy and kitten food, towels and blankets, bleach, paper towels, unscented liquid laundry detergent, medium and large latex gloves, liquid soap, distilled water, gallon size Ziploc freezer bags, kitty litter and new or lightly used pet crates/carriers. Can't decide what to buy? You never go wrong with gift cards to PetSmart, PetCo or Pet Supermarket.

Downtown Farmers Curb Market Celebrates American Pie Day

2008-03-14T07:09:00.000-07:00

Looking for something fun to do this weekend? Stop by the Downtown Farmers Curb Market on Saturday for some good, old-fashioned pie-related fun.

There are pie baking, pie eating and pie throwing contests. The little birdie told me that the folks from Mayhem in the A.M., City Commissioner Justin Troller and Pat Alderman had volunteered to be targets for the pie throwing contest.

Here's the activities line-up:
PIE BAKING CONTEST* (PROFESSIONAL/AMATEUR)
AUCTION OF WINNING PIES • 1 PM
CHILDREN’S PIE MAKING • 10 AM - 1 PM
SALES OF PIE-BY-THE-SLICE
PIE EATING CONTEST
PIE THROWING FOR CHARITY

For more information, call 221-4633. You can view the flier here.

Tonight is Pics on the Promenade

2008-03-14T04:41:00.001-07:00

Check out Darby's post regarding Lakeland's Pics on the Promenade: West Side Story.

Black and Brew to Increase Seating

2008-03-13T16:58:00.000-07:00

Those of you who frequent Downtown Lakeland's Black and Brew like Vonya and me soon will notice some changes in the seating arrangements.

The sofas and loveseats, coffee table and end tables have been sold, according to my insider source, and soon will be replaced with bistro tables to increase seating by about 20.

This sounds to me like a great sign that business is good for the B&B brothers. I'm glad. I know they get enough of my money every week!

It's Blogger Meet-Up Time!

2008-03-13T01:08:00.000-07:00

Polk County residents who write a blog, plan to write a blog or just like to read blogs are invited to the next meeting of area bloggers.

The meeting will be Monday, March 31 at 6:30 p.m. at Mimi's Cafe, 3770 Lakeside Village Circle, in Lakeland. Click here for directions.

Don't worry if your site is a diary, journal, PR blog or media blog...everyone is welcome.

If you plan to attend, please email: lorrie@lorriewalker.com. For more information, call (863) 614-0555.

American Idol Results Show

2008-03-13T00:14:00.000-07:00

Well, gentle readers, Chuck and Lorrie obviously won't be getting side jobs guessing weights, ages or American Idol cast-offs at the carnival any time soon. Last night's results show ended in a way that neither predicted.

Chuck: I am shocked! Shocked! Shocked to hear they plan to butcher more songs from the "Lennon-McCartney Songbook" © ? But, that's news for next week. This week America goes from "Spot on!" to "WTF?"

I'd like to first mention that this post is brought to you by the Fox film, "Horton Hears a Who."

After listening to Jim Carey prattle on, we get a recap of last night's show. The highlight is when the AI director chooses to show David Archletta's flubs like some proud parent pulling out their child's diaperless baby picture to show a prom date. Thanks, Mom.

Lorrie: I couldn't agree more. Granted, he didn't do much right with the song, but did they have to highlight the thing he did most wrong?!

Chuck: We quickly, thank God, jump to the first group. As they stood up, even sYESha knew she was the first to make the Bottom Three © .

We got the first commercial of the year. Those with TIVO hit skip. I'm buying a TIVO before next week's show.

TIVO is a proud sponsor of this post and the Fox film, "Horton Hears a Who."

Lorrie: I guess the AI producers finally have caught on that asking singers to perform right after they learn that life as they know is now over doesn't make for the best TV. All that fighting back tears and angst-ridden facial expressions as the credits role is silly. Now the bottom three get to sing once again before learning if they're safe or leaving.

I've never understood the logic behind these moves, other than it provides a full hour of nail-biting suspense and shameless plugs for "Horton Hears A Who." This is what Ryan should say as he introduces the performers who are in the bottom three: "America, let's listen as our bottom three perform the royal screw-ups that got them there!"

I mean, that is why, after all, they're in the bottom three. Why must we here these tragedies again?

Chuck: After the commercial Ryan instructs Chikezie, Amanda, Kristy Lee, and David Cook to stand up. Three of them look at Kristy Lee and immediately sit down. Ryan makes them stand and pretend there is suspense.

Even Kristy Lee tells David he is safe and asks Ryan for the microphone.

Lorrie: Did you get a load of the agitation on Ryan's face when Kristy Lee burst his bubble with that remark? She knew what was coming. The whole world knew it. But Ryan insisted on the game of cat and mouse.

Chuck: She whispers to the mic, "Sorry you have to hear this again."

Lorrie: LMAO.

Chuck: Have you noticed she must sing with one foot forward? My wife thinks it must be her fighting stance.

(By the way, in case you're throwing out which song she could have sang with a country twang..."Don't Pass Me By" was by Ringo Starr...I would have picked "Happiness is a Warm Gun.")

The NRA would like to thank the producers of this post and offer an elephant gun salute to the Fox film, "Horton Hears a Who."

Ryan takes questions from the audience. People, please, asking questions is a job best left to professionals. That was really a bad idea. I'd rather see Ryan and Simon bicker like two Italian women on the front stoop of a brownstone. (Sorry Mom, Aunt Rose.)

Lorrie: Did you notice Ryan's obvious prejudice in selecting which questions to answer? He glossed right over Franny, age 55, from Pootville, WV, to choose only the 20-somethings' questions to answer. This was a stupid addition to the show, BTW. I don't care about hearing questions from America. Just get to the #&$^% results.

Chuck: We finally get to the last group of four. Brooke had to tell David Archuleta to sit down. I'm starting to wonder if Archuleta is snacking on Jason Castro's "homemade" brownies. Of course, Ryan tells Brooke to have a seat and the crowd wondered....was Chuck right and it is David Hernandez, or did Lorrie pull off an upset and it's Ramiele ?

It's David. What? You doubted me? Ok, I can understand that.

Lorrie: Chuck, you predicted the innocent, sweet David, who's working his way through college at the pizza bistro- NOT AT THE GAY STRIP CLUB WHERE WE'VE ALL SEEN PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF THAT HE WORKED- would be in the bottom three, but you predicted Kristy Lee would be going home.

Chuck: Ryan stands with the Bottom Three © and asks Simon if America got it right. Simon looks directly into the camera and in his cathedral voice says, "Chuck got it spot on."

Lorrie: Chuck, your delusions just called. They said they need a vacation.

Chuck: Check the tape if you don't believe me. If he doesn't say that you must have taped the West Coast feed.

Odd, there were less votes this week. Just 29 million. Or roughly the sum total of votes for President in the last three elections combined.

No one is shocked when Ryan sends sYESha back to "sing" for another week.

So who would it be....David Hernandez or Kristy Lee?

Lorrie: I think the gay male contingent is spitting mad at David (as they utter rainbow-colored obscenities and threaten to scratch his eyes out) for denying the whole gay strip club rumor- THAT IS BACKED UP WITH PHOTOS, PEOPLE- and they cast their votes to Ramiele, their favorite fag hag, instead. Yep, I said it. Ramiele got the gay vote this week.

Chuck: The audience is visibly shocked when Ryan tells Kristy Lee to sit down. Even she asks to check the results card. Paula immediately demanded the Supreme Court look into this travesty. Until she realized Mary Wilson stopped talking to Diana Ross.

Lorrie: Have you ever noticed that when the losers are singing, Paula takes on the appearance of a toddler (OK, a pill-popping toddler) in a bouncy chair as they perform? There's something about that glazed, gleeful look in her eye and the way she claps her hands that just screams...straight jacket...to me.

Chuck: I think so many didn't vote for David because they were mad they hadn't received a complementary lap dance at Pizza Bistro.

I'm off to watch " Horton Hears a Who." See you next week.

Lorrie: Ditto. Chuck, did you take my elephant ears headband again?

And My Husband Doesn't Want Me Putting Bumper Stickers on the V-Dub...

2008-03-12T14:27:00.000-07:00

...perhaps he fears it would eventually lead to this. If you live in Lakeland, I'm sure you've seen this car around, but he/she has taken their message to a new level since last I saw it. Today I noticed that this person has glued Noah's ark to the hood, roof and trunk lid. I think this person should consider blogging. The message might be conveyed a bit better that way.

The Chuck & Lorrie Show- American Idol Style

2008-03-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

Chuck: OK, the first episode for the final 12 and we get the “Lennon and McCartney Songbook”? I doubt the singers got to pick from the full set.

* - Director Flaw #1: They need to explain the importance of the Beatles? Seriously? Everyone has obviously been told to say "The Lennon-McCartney Songbook."

Lorrie: I feel like a bit of a heel because I bailed out of a friend's Signature Homes party early tonight so I could get home to my blogging duties. But hey, I've written twice about blogging 'bout The Idol, so I figured duty called...

Initial thoughts: 1) who told Amanda Overmeyer to wear those pants?! Can you say camel toe? 2) Paula appears to be as drug-induced as ever. And she's babbling as usual. 3) I wonder how excited Chuck is since it's John and Paul night, and I know he's a Beatles fan.

Syesha Mercado - “Gotta Get You Into My Life”

Chuck: Gotta not. What was up with the Christopher Walken phrasing? She performed like Whitney Houston. Like Whitney Houston dancing. Bottom Three Performance.

Lorrie: The horns really give this an Earth, Wind & Fire sound. I don't love this performance. This was just au-ight fuh me, Dawg. Regarding Paula, she always says the same thing Randy says. And then she adds a lot of blah, blah, blah to it.

Chikezie - “She's a Woman”

Chuck: He took that song from Bluegrass into Elvis into the Who. Well, as my wife said, “He was more entertaining than the last one.” I think it was good enough to save him. Wow, only the first week and I'm already going to miss a prediction. He's not going this week. Top Three Performance.

* - Ryan Flaw #1: What is going on with screaming with Chikezie? Is Ryan on Paula's drugs tonight?

Lorrie: Nice bluegrass sound in the beginning. I've always loved this song. He's really doing a great job of changing it up and making it his own. That surprises me, since, like Chuck, I would've picked him to go home this week- until now. I don't love the stuttering. Overall, a very good performance. He needed this performance tonight, otherwise he would have been next to go home. He definitely will make it through to the next round.

Ramiele Malubay - “In My Life”

Chuck: My favorite song period. Not her version. The audience is waving their hands and I'm simply asking WTF?

Boring. No other way to describe it. She's on the bubble, but not in the bottom three.

Lorrie: Another great song I've always loved. The waving in the audience is a bit chekezie- I mean, cheesy. This girl is pretty and she has a nice voice, but I just don't see “American Idol” when she performs. BTW, she did nothing differently with this song. I think she's been teetering on the brink of going home for a week or two, and I think she will be the one to leave this week.
As for Simon, he was tough on Ramiele, but truthful.

Jason Castro - “If I Fell”

Chuck: Sounds like he's doing the version from “Across the Universe”. Some odd phrasing, and when did he start singing out of the side of his mouth? The beginning was rushed, but he pulled it together. He's safe for next week.

Lorrie: This boy just has a chronic goofy look about him and I want so badly for his days on the show to be over. There are portions of this song where I wonder if his private parts are being twisted with pliers. His facial expressions indicate yes. Paula just disagreed with Randy. I didn't think that was possible. She feels his heart?! What the...

Carly Smithson - “Come Together”

Chuck: The most solid performance of the night, yet at the end of the song my wife and I both said, “Blah.” Simon compares her to Kelly Clarkson. That's the kiss of death, but she's easily safe. Top Three Performance.

Lorrie: I'm excited at the thought of what she might do with this song. I love, love, love her voice. She didn't change it up a lot, but I still really liked her version. I love Carly and predict she'll be in the Top 3.

David Cook - “Eleanor Rigby”

Chuck: It's a sad song. Why is he smiling? I had visions of Metallica singing this at a sound check. I didn't believe he was feeling the lyrics. The judges loved it. He's safe this week.

Lorrie: I always wonder if he's hiding a receding hairline with his hairstyle. Not that there's anything wrong with that, Chuck. I think David has a good rocker voice, but I don't love this version.

Brooke White - “Let it Be”

Chuck: Not that exciting of a performance. Especially when you have seen Timmy Mitchum sing it. However, it was heartfelt and well done. She'll sail through.

Lorrie: She always reminds me of Juice Newton, looks-wise. She's so talented- she sings, plays piano and guitar. I love the delicately raspy sound to her voice. She not only gets the votes each week because of her talent, but she also really conveys that she would be likable in the real world. Paula, again with the feeling her heart comment.

David Hernandez -- “I Saw Her Standing There”

Chuck: And you'll see her walking away if she hears you singing that song. He let the backup singers take the “OHHH” notes. No energy. Bottom Three Performance.

Lorrie: They cut to a commercial and my husband and I are breaking into peels of laughter, wondering what he's going to say about his previous job when we're back from the commercial break. We're back- Pizza bistro?! So that's what they call gay male strip clubs these days...
I actually have always liked David's voice. This performance didn't do much for me, though.

Amanda Overmyer - “You Can't Do That”

Chuck: Never, ever, admit you've just heard a Beatles song for the first time. However, it's obvious. Starts out so-so, but finishes better. Kudos for not changing the gender of the song. She's on the bubble, but safe this week.

* - Note to Ryan and Simon: Stop arguing, shut up, and do your jobs.

Lorrie: Why, oh why, won't they make her do something different with her hair? It's just awful. And she always sounds like she's smoked two packs of Lucky Strikes before she sings. I can't understand many of the words when she sings, but this was an OK performance to me. If she would just sing Janis Joplin all the time, she'd be alright.

According to Simon, I'm not alone. He says he could only understand 30 percent of the words.
Paula- after she spoke, my husband shouted at the TV for her to take another Percocet (sp?). We think she ALWAYS sounds drugged when she opens her mouth.

Michael Johns -- “Across the Universe”

Chuck: He seemed pained, and channeling Simple Minds singer Jim Kerr as he sang. This is important: the line is: “Jai guru deva, om.“ It is not as Johns' sang: “Jackaroo David, Om” At least he looked more sincere than David Cook. He's safe this week.

Lorrie: As I'm compiling this, I'm laughing hysterically at Chuck's comment. My husband swore he was singing "Jackaroo," too. Am I the only one who finds it curious that someone from Australia and someone from Ireland is in the competition to be the next American Idol? Nice performance.

Kristy Lee Cook -- “8 Days a Week”

Chuck: A couple of weeks ago Amanda Overmyer listened to the AI stylists and it almost ruined her. Kad lee listened too literally to Simon and it ruined her. That was a lousy country & western version of the song. And I swear she tried to yodel at the end. No movement. She wasn't confident. Bottom Three Performance.

Lorrie: I love this song, and it's really cute with this bluegrass feel. Some of her performance included too many runs. Randy is reading my mind! He mentioned the runs, too. Paula didn't like it??? That's not like her at all. Simon- horrendous?

This is sad. I didn't think it was that bad. She'll make it through this week. All this lovers' spat, back-and-forth between Simon and Ryan is getting on my nerves.

David Archuleta -- “We Can Work it Out”

Chuck: And he better. The “Sure Fire Winner” has lips of clay. He flubbed one line and obviously didn't trust a second. Nevertheless, his fans won't desert him this week. If he does it again, he's gone. Bottom Three Performance, but won't be in the Bottom Three.

Lorrie: Savin' the best for last, baby! Oh no...he forgot the words! TWICE! He is all over the place with this song. This is by far his worst performance of the season. I'm not familiar with Stevie Wonder's version of this song, so I wonder if this was modeled after that. It definitely sounds different than the original.

Simon spoke and apparently it WAS the Stevie Wonder version.

Chuck's post-show predictions:

Top Three: Chikezie, Carly, & Jason

Bottom Three: Syesha, David Hernandez, and Kristy.

Say goodbye to Kristy.

Lorrie's post-show predictions:

Top Three: Chikezie, Carly and Brooke

Bottom Three: Ramielle, Kristy and Syesha

Say goodbye to Ramielle.

Afterthoughts: Chuck, you and I think eerily alike when it comes to American Idol. If we don't start some Simon/Ryan type sparring, no one will want to read this. Maybe I'll have a pain pill with a glass of wine next week prior to the show. I can channel Paula while I'm commenting.

Chuck's American Idol Predictions

2008-03-11T23:33:00.000-07:00

Since I'm not going to get the last word, I'm going to use the first word to give you the result of every episode.

Week 1) Chikezie leaves although David Archuleta surprises everyone with his soulful rendition of “Why Don't We do it in the Road.”

Week 2) Amanda, America's favorite Janis Joplin impersonator, leaves after Simon mentions he never heard of the song “Me & Bobby McGee.”

Lorrie- That's funny. And probable.

Week 3) This time the public says no to sYESha. This surprises Randy, who asks “Dawg? What?”

Week 4) It's Kristy Lee Cook. It's a shock as pundits thought she was a lock when her manager, Brittney Spears, jumped on stage to pass on Madonna's kiss of luck. A closer look at the tape reveals “Brittney” was actually Kady Malloy hoping the impersonation would get her back in the race.

Week 5) David Hernandez goes home this week, but not before giving Simon a lap dance. (Hey, sometimes you have to go with the obvious choice.)

Week 6) Just before this week's episode airs David Cook finally gives up and shaves his head. Audiences mistake him for Chris Daughtry and send him back on the road.

Week 7) Jason Castro's fans head out before the show to pick up Pringles and Little Debbie Snack Cakes. They forget to go back home and vote.
Castro is out like a Cuban dictator. Well, more than a Cuban dictator.

Week 8) Michael Johns mentions in his interview that he would like a vegemite sandwich. Audiences realize he is actually Colin Hay in disguise. He heads back down under.

Week 9) I'll simply say Ramiele Malubay leaves this week. My beautiful and petite wife would cook liver for dinner if I made a short joke.
Humor is not worth that kind of suffering.

Week 10) Yes, the final three will be David Archuleta, Carly Smithson, and Brooke White. Who goes this week? It's White, who will respond with kind and gentle words. (What? You thought I'd do a “expletive laden tirade” joke? Too easy.)

The Finale) Archuleta? Smithson? Smithson? Archuleta? In a surprise vote, Smithson wins. This dooms her to obscurity. Archuleta picks up a Supporting Actor Oscar in 2010 for the musical biography, “Nixon!”

2008 Found Money Blog

2008-03-11T10:18:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed recording my findings of spare change so much in 2007, one of my New Year's resolutions is to continue the tradition in 2008 and to collect more than the $3.37 I found last year. You can review my 2007 findings here.

Mike and I went for a walk New Year's day and got this resolution off to a great start.

July 6- $1.65

June Total- 44 cents
June 27- 2 cents
June 20- 1 cent
June 19- 1 cent
June 11- 1 cent
June 8- 10 cents
June 4- 1 cent
June 2- 3 cents
June 1- 25 cents

May total- 49 cents
May 29- 5 cents
May 24- 1 cent
May 20- 1 cent
May 18- 11 cents
May 17- 2 cents
May 11- 1 cent
May 8- 2 cents
May 6- 5 cents
May 4- 21 cents

April Total- 48 cents
April 24- 3 cents
April 19- 2 cents
April 18- 1 cent
April 16- 4 cents
April 15- 1 cent
April 13- 37 cents

March update- it's getting to be slim pickins' lately. I'm gonna have to start lurking around movie theaters after they turn on the lights if things don't turn around soon

March Total- 1 cent
March 8- 1 cent

February Total- 62 cents
February 17- 37 cents
February 14- 10 cents
February 4- 13 cents
February 3- 2 cents

January Total- $2.49
January 31- 1 cent
January 28- 10 cents (Mike found this in the parking lot at work, the the 1/15 rule applies)
January 27- 96 cents
January 26- 1 cent
January 24- 2 cents
January 15- 1 cent (Mike found this but it goes in the same change jug at home so it still counts)
January 10- 2 cents
January 6- 16 cents
January 4- 1 cent
January 1- $1.19

Little Everglades Steeplechase

2008-03-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

We attended our second Little Everglades Steeplechase yesterday, courtesy of Central Florida Eurocars. I tell you, this event is worth buying a VW!

Central Florida Eurocars treated its guests like royalty, with free tickets to the event, VIP parking, free breakfast and lunch- courtesy of those great guys at Black & Brew- and free booze. It was quite a treat getting to attend again this year.

I took some photos, which can be viewed here.

This event is a huge fundraiser held at Little Everglades Ranch in Dade City. The ranch is 2,000 acres of pure beauty. It has been put into conservancy so that it will never be developed. That means it will be here for future generations to enjoy, which is amazing to me. More than 300 acres of wetlands have been reintroduced to the ranch.

Proceeds from this event, which attracted tens of thousands of people, benefit Quantum Leap Farm, Inc., Diabetic Charitable Services and the Pioneer Florida Museum and Village.

Countdown to A.I.

2008-03-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

One more night 'til American Idol blogging with Chuck!

Lorrie in the Orlando Sentinel

2008-03-08T14:01:00.000-08:00

I was quoted in today's article in the Orlando Sentinel about the Polk County Puerto Rican Chamber of Commerce-sponsored Rapido Networking event.

Southeastern University and Longfellow Blvd.

2008-03-08T05:25:00.000-08:00

If you have to drive the entire length of Longfellow Boulevard in Lakeland, you might want to find another route March 10-12. Otherwise, you'll be re-routed around Southeastern University. It appears the city is doing some work around Lake Bonny, directly behind Southeastern's Mira Lago dorms. I hope they're building a drainage swale . That's what it looks like to me.

Speaking of Southeastern, did anybody read this morning's Ledger article about Jeb Bush and the CSX project? I bet Chuck did, CSX fan that he is.

I got a kick out of it, simply because of my past experience having worked at Southeastern. I can imagine there were at least two people instrumental in the planning of the National Leadership Forum who were FUMING that a reporter would have the audacity to ask a non-Forum-related question of the Jebster at their event.

Kudos to Robin, or whichever reporter attempted to ask the question. CSX is a huge issue for Polk County residents, it has divided entities on the issue, it will have a HUGE impact on us all, and people want answers. Reporters may not always be liked or appreciated for their actions, but they have an obligation to make reasonable attempts to gather information for valid news stories.

American Idol- Dueling Blogger Style

2008-03-05T11:43:00.000-08:00

I'm soooooo excited. I've found someone who is as fascinated with American Idol as I am. And it's not a 13-year-old girl.

Beginning next week, Chuck and I are going to blog about American Idol. He promises to disagree with everything I say. And, gentleman that he is, he's going to let me have the last word. How could I not be excited about this?!

Here's how this will work: Each of us will write about each episode. The morning after each show, I will compile our comments and post them on my blog. Chuck reserves the right to make follow-up comments, should I say something else he disagrees with, or if I should call him an idiot. Stay tuned!

Metro I-4 News- There's a New Blog in Town

2008-03-05T11:24:00.000-08:00

To those of you who didn't read on after Chuck at Lakeland Local buried the lede in his recent post, you should know he's up to something.

"As if I didn't have enough to do, I've decided to introduce a blog called Metro I-4 News. As the name implies, the new site will look at the news important to the region that is growing around Interstate 4 from Tampa east to Daytona Beach," Chuck wrote recently.

Chuck and I talked about this new blog today and actually, its content may not stretch as far as Daytona. It may primarily focus on Tampa, Orlando and all I-4 points in between. I may occasionally contribute a post or two to the site, perhaps on a more editorial basis, since I typically don't delve into many of the topics that are germane to all readers along this I-4 corridor. That is, unless there's a regional laser hair removal story that arises. In that case, consider me on it.

It will be interesting to see how this new blog evolves over the next several years. I, for one, am excited by the possibilities.

American Idol - Luke Menard

2008-03-05T04:29:00.001-08:00

This guy will go home on Thursday night's show. He's just not good enough.

David Archuleta Another Day in Paradise

2008-03-05T04:25:00.001-08:00

I still think David was the best on Idol last night. The judges didn't gush over him the way they normally do, but he's definitely secured his spot in the Top 12.

The Ledger Buys The News-Chief

2008-03-04T12:34:00.000-08:00

Well, kiddies, the big news in Polk County today is that The Ledger has purchased the last (feeble) attempt at good, old-fashioned competition among newspapers. Other bloggers have written some great posts on it, so I'm not going to re-hash this. Instead, I'll kindly refer you to Chuck's post today at Lakeland Local, Josh's take on the situation at Empirical Polk, and the Tribune perspective from Billy at the Polk County News Blog.

Here's what I want to do: let's have a contest to rename the paper! I know Chuck is longing for The Ledger to return to The Lakeland Ledger. But with the combining of The Ledger's East Polk section and the News-Chief, there have to be some great renaming ideas out there. So put on your thinking caps and send me your suggestions.

Marriage and Mix Tapes

2008-03-04T07:53:00.001-08:00

I was thinking yesterday about how easily relationship woes were solved in high school. A good mix tape could explain away a bad day, calm the jealousy caused by flirting with that boy while cruising the Boulevard with your friends, describe how painful that mean remark was, apologize for making a meaner remark in return.

A good mix tape could say the things you couldn't put into words yourself. And they didn't always have to be right-on-the-money. For example, in 9th grade, Brent L. made me a mix tape with explanations. Beside "Sister Golden Hair" he wrote: (If you had blonde hair). Granted, some of his songs made no sense for a "This will show you how much I love you" mix tape. I mean, "A Horse With No Name?" What the hell?!

A good mix tape always seemed so heart-felt. I broke up with Joe C. my senior year in high school and when I got in my car that afternoon, what was under my windshield wiper? Why, a mix tape, of course! How else was the guy supposed to let me know how badly it hurt to have his heart ripped out, while also trying to convince me to take him back?

But with age- and marriage- comes fewer props for effective communication. It seems issues that come up in a marriage become too gigantic- or maybe petty- to be fixed with a mix tape. What song would I use to say "Please don't buy that Harley Davidson because I'm afraid we can't afford it?"

Or, after the Harley has been purchased: "How much GD chrome do you have to put on that thing before you're done?!"

If The Bangles ever wrote anything to address why you shouldn't leave the water running while you're brushing your teeth because it's wasteful, I'd love to hear it.

Does Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam have a song to say "Just because koozies and stickers are free at trade shows, doesn't mean you have to grab three at each booth?"

Marriage would be so much simpler if I had a soundtrack playing in the background.

Lakeland Farmers Curb Market Celebrates American Pie Day

2008-03-04T00:06:00.000-08:00

It warms my heart to attend the Lakeland Farmers Curb Market each Saturday and witness its growth. I'm seeing more vendors selling fresh fruits and vegetables and for the past two weekends, a lady who makes and sells homemade pet treats has been there. I bought the peanut butter flavored treats for Lucy and Callaghan two weekends ago and last night they polished off the last of them. If they had thumbs, they would have given the treats four thumbs up.

Now there's yet another reason to visit the Farmers Market- American Pie Day (View the flier here). On March 15, the market will feature pie baking, eating and throwing contests. Entry forms can be viewed and downloaded here. Pre-registration deadline is March 10.

The pie baking contest has a professional and amateur category. The entry fee is modest at $5 per pie unless you wait until after the 10th. In that case, you must include a $10 fee with your entry.

So dust off the cookbook and enter your best pie!

Mark Calendar for the Next Pics on the Promenade

2008-03-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

The next Pics on the Promenade in Downtown Lakeland is March 14, and the feature this time is West Side Story.

If you haven't been to one of these yet, I can't recommend it enough! This free event is a great time for date night or a family night out. Last month's feature of Casa Blanca attracted about 600 movie watchers.

The City of Lakeland has created a Web site for the event, which offers all kinds of information and tips to follow to make your experience pleasant. Check it out: www.picsonthepromenade.com.

I hope to see you there!

Attend the Speed Networking Event

2008-03-02T14:59:00.000-08:00

I wrote this for the Polk County Business Journal, but wanted to post it on my blog, too. I think this is a great idea and if you're looking to make some business connections, you should plan to attend.

LAKELAND- The Puerto Rican Chamber of Commerce of Polk County will offer a new spin to an old business activity on March 7.

Business networking will be done in speedy fashion during the “Rapido Networking” event held 8:30- 10:30 a.m. at Black & Brew Coffee House & Bistro.

The event is similar to speed dating, but with a business twist, said Ana Rivera, Chamber president and the event’s organizer.

“I attended a speed networking event in Brandon a while ago,” Rivera said. “It’s being done in larger cities.”

Just because Lakeland is a nice, quiet community doesn’t “mean we don’t have metropolitan people who live here” and could benefit from speed networking, she said.

Here’s how the event works:

Attendees pay a $5 entrance fee, which includes coffee and a coupon good for food discounts at Black & Brew.

Each person gets a name tag with several table numbers listed on it. Attendees go to their first assigned table and have two and a half minutes to introduce themselves and the company they work for and explain what they hope to get out of the event, Rivera said. After five minutes, attendees move on to the next table listed on their name tag and repeat the process.

“No one ends up talking to the same person the whole time, Rivera said. “Each person could get to meet up to 90 people.”

Rivera anticipates having 25 people attend the first event, which is open to everyone. For more information call Rivera, 863-838-2084 or visit the Chamber’s Web site: www.puertoricanchamberofcommercepolkcounty.org

Black & Brew is located at 205 E. Main St.

15 Bean Soup

2008-02-28T04:27:00.000-08:00

So last night we made 15-bean soup with ham in it. After I was done, I fed two pieces of fat to my dogs. I let them eat it off the spoon.

Several minutes later, Mike and I both decided to have a bit more soup. After I was done with the second bowl, I went to feed my dogs the leftover fat.

Then I realized I had never washed my spoon after feeding them the first time.

GROSS!!!!!

Amanda Overmyer - Carry On Wayward Son - Top 10 Girls

2008-02-28T04:12:00.001-08:00

This was the train-wreck performance of the evening on American Idol last night. And her hair looked so ridiculous! She looked like she was auditioning to play Cruella DeVille off Broadway.

What are you doing right now?

2008-02-27T09:42:00.001-08:00

I'm sitting on my numb ass, which got this way from sitting in a Denny's restaurant for three hours, meeting with a potential client. It was worth my time, by the way. Now I'm seriously thinking about backing away from this computer and marching into the living room to participate in a workout DVD. Or maybe I'll just watch TV. Tough choice.

So what are you doing right now?

Imagine David Archuleta

2008-02-27T03:50:00.001-08:00

Update: his performance finally is on You Tube this morning. Give this a listen

My American Idol Prediction

2008-02-26T18:39:00.001-08:00

David Archuleta may or may not win the finale this year, but I will tell you this: this kid is going to get a record deal and I am going to wait in line to buy it.

If you saw tonight's episode, you heard what is perhaps the most amazing version of John Lennon's "Imagine" ever performed. I daresay he outsang even John.

How well do you know Downtown Lakeland?

2008-02-26T11:54:00.000-08:00

If you read this blog, I guess it's no secret that I'm a huge fan of Downtown Lakeland. I love its history. I love the fact that there remains clear signs of what Downtown Lakeland was in its prime. That is- pre-revitalization. I'm not saying it's not in its prime now. In fact, I believe it very likely is every bit as good today as it was way back when...

Above are two of my favorite shots of Downtown Lakeland nostalgia. For those of you who, like me, spend a lot of time in the area, I'm sure these are easy to identify. So this is mainly to those who don't fit that category. Any ideas as to where these photos were taken?

Volunteer for the Great American Cleanup

2008-02-25T21:13:00.000-08:00

Wow...long time, no blog. Been mighty busy with work these days, but in the midst of all that, I've been able to carve out some time to give back to this community I love. I'm volunteering again, and it feels great to be contributing.

Recently I was invited to serve on the Keep Polk County Beautiful Board of Directors. It's not a huge stretch, really. I served as the organization's executive director for three years, so it's a no-brainer that I believe in the mission.

KPCB's signature event, The Great American Cleanup, is March 29, so that's what I am focusing on today. This is a day where thousands of volunteers band together to make this place a bit more beautiful. They pick up litter from parks, roadsides, schools and businesses. They plant flowers. They collect items for recycling.

Here's a sad fact: every year, KPCB gets more volunteers than the previous year, but they also pick up more trash. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't the work of a litter prevention organization accomplish so much that each year, less trash is picked up because there's less of it out there? I wish that were true.

You can help make that an attainable goal several ways:

Do your part by volunteering to participate in the Great American Cleanup.
If you have children, teach them not to litter. Your first step should be setting a good example and not being a litterbug yourself!
If you are a smoker, cigarette butts are litter, too. STOP THROWING THEM OUT YOUR CAR WINDOW AND ON THE GROUND.
If you live in unincorporated Polk County, the city of Lakeland, or several other cities that offer curbside recycling, participate in the program. If you don't have a recycling bin, call your Solid Waste Department and request one. They'll deliver it right to your door.
Cover your load. If you're hauling something in the back of your truck, cover it or properly secure it so it won't fly out. If trash blows out the back of your truck, you are littering.
Report people who you see littering. The KPCB Web site offers a way of doing so by submitting a Litter Trooper Report.

Volunteers who participate in the Great American Cleanup will receive free T-shirts and free passes to Historic Bok Sanctuary, while supplies last. For more information, call the KPCB office: 863-676-7019.

If you live in Lakeland and you can't participate in KPCB's March 29 event, sign up to participate in a Lakeland Clean & Beautiful event by calling 863-834-3306. Winter Haven residents can participate in Keep Winter Haven Beautiful's event on March 15 by calling 863-291-5662.

None of these dates are good for you? Don't worry. Great American Cleanup activities begin March 1 and run through May 31. Don't be afraid to gather your friends, family members and neighbors and do your own cleanup. KPCB and the other local Keep America Beautiful affiliates provide gloves, trash bags and litter grabbers for cleanups any time of year.

For those of you who don't live in Polk County, I invite you to visit the Keep America Beautiful Web site. Here, you can find an affiliate near you so you can get involved in the Great American Cleanup.

Shuckey's Restaurant Review

2008-02-16T20:31:00.001-08:00

I promise not to make this a habit, but I have to write about Shuckey's Oyster Bar and Seafood Company. Ever been someplace that you really wanted to love?

That was Shuckey's for me. Mike's friend from high school, Gus, recommended the place, which is a stone's throw from our house. When I forgot to thaw salmon for supper tonight, Shuckey's was the first choice for dining out.

Here's what I liked:

Brightly painted exterior, reminiscent of Key West.
Christmas lights hung throughout (made the place look cool!), along with lots of cool signs, posters and neon lights.
An outside eating area.
A menu full of reasonably priced food.
A server who kept a smile on her face the ENTIRE evening, even when I'm sure I appeared to be losing patience.
Big shrimp, great tasting grouper and crispy fries and hushpuppies.

Here's what I didn't like:

The speed of service. We got there at 5:15 p.m. and left a few minutes after 7 p.m.
The raw oysters (see photo above).
The cole slaw.
No fountain soft drinks. We were brought canned Cokes, and charged $1 each for them.
By the time our food finally came, 45 minutes had passed and our Cokes were watered down.
The speed of trying to get out of there.

When we arrived, there were two people at one table who were nearly done with their meal, and one table of four people who were ordering. After waiting 30 minutes for our food, I asked the server if Mike could at least get his raw oysters (they required no cooking, after all) and she politely told me they were filling orders in the order they were received and there was a BIG order ahead of us. Uh...that was the four people at the table behind us. I think that's a clear sign of trouble when four people constitute a "big order."

Shuckey's needs a lesson in cole slaw making. It was white cabbage and dressing. Period. No carrots. No purple cabbage. Not finely chopped. Big, hulking pieces of cabbage.

Regarding said oysters, the menu offers a "Shuckey's Dozen," which is 13 oysters. The shells above housed two of the oysters. I swear to you, I thought Mike had been short-changed two oysters when the tray came out because these two runts were hidden under bigger oysters. Note to Shuckey's: if you're gonna brag about how your dozen oysters is more than the next guy, don't include oysters in shells like the ones pictured above. You do nothing to advance your reputation by pulling a stunt like that.

If I go to a sit-down restaurant, I want my Coke from a fountain, not a can. If there was to be a next time for me at Shuckey's- which, unfortunately, there won't- I would bring my own can of Coke.

At the rate everything had gone that night, we knew better than to wait for our server (the ONLY server in the entire place, mind you) to bring us the check. We went to the bar to ask for it. She kindly asked us if we could wait a minute. That's what we had been doing all night, so why stop now? She delivered beer to a table outside, took a guy's order (after politely apologizing for his long wait) and then brought us the check. While waiting for her to run through the credit card, we chatted with some people at the bar, all of whom complained about the slow service.

So, as badly as I wanted to like Shuckey's, I have to say that sometimes it takes more than good food to make a restaurant good. I'm sure if anyone from Shuckey's reads this, they'll refer me to this info box printed on their menu: "Just about everything at Shuckey's is hand prepared in our kitchen. Some menu items may take longer than others...we appreciate your patience and your business."

This is my response. I don't care how good the food is, 45 minutes is too long to wait to get it.

Promenade and Pancakes

2008-02-16T20:21:00.000-08:00

Friday night's Music on the Promenade was awesome. Above is an early shot of the crowd- oh, and my husband. Karasoul was an awesome band, as long as they stuck to covers. Sadly, I didn't dig the original stuff. I planned ahead this time and packed a picnic basket full of Riesling, cheese, crackers, kiwi, strawberries, veggies, dip and pretzels. Mike's oldest son and the girlfriend joined us for a while, so there were plenty of snacks to go around. The sunset was beautiful, the weather was perfect and we can't wait til next month's event.

This morning, it was off to the annual Kiwanis Pancake breakfast. Note to those who attend next year: I'm told by an insider to get there before 9 a.m. and you can zip right through. Mike and I ate a bunch of warm, buttery pancakes with some sausage and OJ on the side. Yum!

I'm ashamed to say that we missed the Lakeland Farmers Market today. After pancakes, we were so full and tired that we came home and took a nap.

No Excuse to Stay Home This Weekend

2008-02-15T13:11:00.000-08:00

If you live in Lakeland, you ought to have a full dance card this weekend! Tonight is Music on the Promenade, featuring the band Karasoul. It's free- bring a blanket or a chair and a picnic basket.

Tomorrow is the Farmers Curb Market downtown- 8 a.m. until 2 p.m. You don't want to miss out on the fresh strawberries and collard greens, people! Also, there's a new vendor there who sells the cutest little dwarf bunnies for $10. He also sells cages for them and the quality is amazing. Artist Richard Bond will be there, wondering when I'm gonna buy that painting that I've had my eye on for weeks.

Also on Saturday is the Kiwanis Club's annual Pancake Festival. Here's what appeared in The Ledger:

"North Lakeland Kiwanis Club, Citrus Kiwanis Club and Kiwanis Club of Lakeland will hold the 50th annual Pancake Festival to support Kiwanis community programs on Saturday at the hangar at Tiger Town on Massachusetts Avenue in Lakeland. All-you-can-eat pancakes, sausage and coffee will be served from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. There will be displays and booths by merchants and groups along with entertainment in the afternoon. Tickets are available from Kiwanis members for $4 for adults and $2 for children or at the door for $5. Call 838-9686."

Now that's more fun than you can shake a stick at! I hope to see y'all there.

What's This Guy's Beef?

2008-02-15T13:04:00.000-08:00

I went to The Chop Shop in Downtown Lakeland with a friend today for lunch and saw this guy at the Mid-Florida Building on Kentucky Avenue. Does anyone know what the deal is with him?

Junk Mail Revenge

2008-02-07T15:04:00.000-08:00

Ok, now in addition to my obsession with finding money, I'm becoming obsessed with exacting revenge on junk mailers.

Today's sights are set on Capital One Small Business Solutions. They fill my mailbox CONSTANTLY with credit card offers, so I've decided to send them a gift in return. Last year, I bought The Jungle Book when it came out on DVD and I got a free King Louie stuffed animal with my purchase. As much as I love King Louie, I have no use for him in my office, so I'm sending him to Capital One in a box I've been saving for such an occasion. Of course, I'm using their generous, no-postage-necessary envelope to mail this gift to them.

Scammers and Junk Mailers Beware!

2008-02-06T10:42:00.000-08:00

I get really irked when I get the type of shady mail that came to me yesterday. I got a letter from Florida Certified Deed Services, a company that offers to provide you with a copy of your deed- for $85, plus $4.95 shipping and handling.

There were a couple of red flags in this letter. First, it explained that my deed was recorded by the Polk County Register's Office. In the bit of research I did yesterday, combined with having dealt extensively with county government agencies when I was a reporter, I don't find evidence of there being an office of that name in Polk County government.

The other red flag was this note near the bottom of the letter: "Florida Certified Deed Services is not affiliated with the 'State of Florida.' MANY GOVERNMENT RECORDS ARE AVAILABLE FREE OR AT A NOMINAL COST FROM GOVERNMENT AGENCIES." (This is a direct quote, capitalization included)

I'm sure that this company is required by law to include that disclaimer.

Out of curiousity, I called the Clerk of Courts yesterday and asked what it would cost to get a certified copy of my deed. The answer: $1 per page, and $1.50 per page to certify it. Most deeds aren't more than 3 pages.

How about if I wanted a non-certified copy? Oh, that's free. Just go to the Clerk of Courts Web site and print it off.

I called this shady company this morning and told them what I had learned. I asked them why anyone would use their service, when they can do it themselves for a fraction of the cost? This is what the lady told me:

"We’re a service company. Let’s say you don’t have the time to go down to the courthouse. We go for you. You never have to break your routine or make an annoying trip."

I think that's bull. I think this company is banking on people not being knowledgeable enough to know better than to spend 90 freaking dollars on something they can get themselves for less than $10.

Just before I tossed the letter in the recycling bin, I noticed a glorious site: a postage paid envelope. An idea was born. Recently someone left a comment on my blog about annoying junk mail and offered a BRILLIANT way to get back that those creeps.

I've been saving some boxes, just for the right opportunity to strike, and dear readers, today is the day! I've packed this box:

Full of crap like this:

And I'm mailing it to Florida Certified Deed Services today. They are getting one nice gift among all the crap- a signed copy of Southeastern University President Mark Rutland's book, Nevertheless. I already have a copy, and these people need some Jesus in their lives.

The Four Questions Tag

2008-02-06T09:53:00.000-08:00

Chuck at Lakeland Local tagged me with a meme. I'm to offer four answers to four questions, and he even granted permission to change the questions, if I so desired.

Four Jobs I've Had:
1) Short order cook at a bowling alley on a military post (My favorite job ever. No lie.)
2) Reporter
3) Executive director of a nonprofit organization
4) Medical records clerk

Four Careers I Wanted, but Let Life Lead me Away:
1) Stand-up comedian
2) Doing anything with farming or horticulture
3) Author (there's still time!)
4) Large animal veterinarian

Four TV Shows I watch:
1) Lost
2) American Idol
3) LA Ink
4) Any pop culture shows on VH1

Four Places I went in 2007:
1) Long Beach, CA
2) Waynesville, NC
3) Cottondale, FL
4) Ocala, FL

Four People Whose Answers I'd Like to See:
1) Darby
2) Travis
3) True Calling
4) Jess

Do The iPod Shuffle

2008-02-05T19:46:00.000-08:00

I'm stealing this idea from Travis, only because everyone else has stolen it today, too. Here's how it works:

Get your iPod and go to “Shuffle Songs” - then list off the first 10 songs that come up. No Skipping! Here’s mine:

1. ZZ Top- I’m Bad, I’m Nationwide
2. Def Leopard- Foolin
3. Little Big Town- Lost
4. The Brian Jonestown Massacre- Sailor
5. Sheryl Crow- Soak Up the Sun
6. Santana- Se A Cabo
7. Violent Femmes- Johnny
8. Bad Company- Rock Steady
9. Pink Floyd- Money
10. Little Big Town- Mean Streak

Now it's your turn. Be sure to leave your list in my comments

Changes Coming to Site Meter

2008-02-05T10:19:00.000-08:00

For those of you who use Site Meter and seldom read their updates (like me), I wanted to share that they are moving to a new platform and they want everyone to be sure and update their email addresses. Read the short press release for more information.

My Chick Looks Like Amy Winehouse

2008-02-04T22:37:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or does my chick look eerily like Amy Winehouse?

Blogger Meeting Well Attended- Again!

2008-02-04T22:18:00.000-08:00

Tonight's gathering of area bloggers was another success. We had our largest group to date- 17 people. As sad as it is to say, I think we might actually be outgrowing Black & Brew. Well, maybe not so much outgrowing it, as needing a place where our set-up can be different to allow everyone to be heard and to prevent four different conversations from going on simultaneously.

We had a wide range of attendees, from experienced, established bloggers to people interested in starting a blog.

I hope you will check out the blogs that were represented tonight:

Lakeland Local
Bog It Blog
Blogging This
Kristen Freaking Jane
Blue Room Worthy
Emily the Strange
Mike Monts
Polk Voice
Darby Sea
Matthew Wengerd

There were additional blogs represented, but the Web addresses weren't left on my sign-in sheet and alas, it's late and I'm not freakin' lookin' 'em up tonight. But some are linked on the side and others, well, you can look for them:

Polk County News Blog- Tampa Tribune
Empirical Polk
What's New Online- The Ledger
Polk Commission Watch- The Ledger